Winzzy's World Of Thoughts

First up, i have changed the blog songs! The song playing first is Jay Chou's new song called Shuo Le Zai Jian. First time hear it, i just felt it was like any other normal song.. but after hearing it repeatedly, i can feel the emotions of the song coming out.. and thats why this song is damn emo, makes me feel emo too. Anw, songs have the power to change a person's feelings or mood. So if its a sad song, sad mood.. happy song, happy mood.. yeah? But when we feeling down, we normally listen to sad song.. ok tats abt songs.

Second, what have i been busy doing all these while? First things first, have been playing the game BTO also known as business tycoon online for quite some time or rather, most of the time. So much of my time have been invested in this game. I wouldn't go into the details of the game, but just to say, i partly play the game cos of that guy whom i met in driving course.. everytime i see him online, i will try talk to him, to get his attention. Hmm very long nv "quarrel" with him liao ever since our course ended so i tried to "quarrel" with him in the game, but sometimes it lead to adverse effects. Ok..thats abt the game.

Another thing i have been coping with is also boredom and loneliness. Although i have games to play, but i still feel bored and lonely at times. And sometimes i wonder, whether anyone truly cared for me, and also if their care and concern was genuine, or are they just caring for the sake of caring? Lots of thoughts just ran thru my mind. Yes, they do care and all, but tat was in the past.. wad abt now? Its so different now. I no longer feel the care and concern anymore. Sometimes, when im miserable or sad, i will just play the game to "numb" myself. So that i can be occupied without thinking any other things. But, reality hurts. After a while, it all comes back to me again. Why? Why is it like this? Have i done anything wrong? I just wished for a clique of frens whom i can be comfortable with thats all. Maybe its not easy to achieve it.

Changes are always constant. People change... everyone change. Even that guy changed. Nowdays when i log into the game and see him online, i will talk to him, but he seldom respond already. Having helped him to be able to climb up the politics ladder so that he can become a block legislator now, this is what he does to me. I just feel damn sad. Felt so neglected by him in the game. What's more sad abt this is.. i created another account on the same server and actually used it to get close to him. Yes, it worked! He could talk normally with my the other persona.. but not with my real name in the game. Maybe cos of the impression i gave him in the first place. I think he is just a bustard who looks at people's appearances and all, dun even try to understand a person well. So yup, people change.

This is just a sudden thought. Some of my frens have just enlisted into ns, and they're taking bmt now. To them, bmt is a happy thing, cos they can get friends and bondings. But, to me.. is hell!! I will never ever forget abt it. I rmbed i was bullied.. real bullied by my bunkmates. Esp on the last day before POP, they played a prank on me which caused me to go and confront the other person and i was so shocked that person became violent and started to fight me. Now when i think back, i shud have just been more "man" to fight him back isn't it? Perhaps in the end we all land up in DB or maybe get punished severely.. and i'll nv forget that bastardic bunkmate of mine who is my bed buddy also.. damn pissed off with him. All in all, i had nv had a good bmt life in the first place.. so my impression of bmt is .. it sucks!! To think they now want to screen a 16-episode of BMT life in the cyberworld, i tell u.. its all FAKE!! The real emotions only take place when u are in it!! When u are experiencing what i feel!! If u think what im saying is wrong, think abt this.. Did they portray on ppl getting bullied or being insulted at?? NO!! They din even portray that!! They only portray the GOOD side of BMT.. which is u get a lot of bunkmates who are so called "supposingly" helpful.. but the truth is, u never noe who is truly helpful in the end.. Some might just leave u alone in the ditch.. So, i shud say the video is damn stereo-typed.. only portray GOOD side of bmt, and not the BAD side..

Wow wow wow, said so much pretty "emotional" stuffs.. But that's pretty what i thought too, just felt like "letting it go" everything all in this blog of mine. Afterall, this is the avenue where i throw all my troubles and problems and burdens in here. So yup.

Okok.. the title is updatesss, but i haven updated anything on my condition yet, so lol.. Been a mth now since im recovering at home slowly... Will be going for next review next thurs and then see what the doc have to say. So right now, still recovering process.. damn bored can't go anywhere.. missed all the places i been to and all the fun i had during those times i could go out with my frens.. missed all the food too! Esp IKEA cheesecake!! Thats my fav!! Been a year since i ate that.. i must go eat it once i recover!! Ok, so much on that.. really misses and misses!! But, it is not the food that is good, its not the place that is nice, its the company that im with.. like my frens.. some whom i can really be comfortable talking to.. they are the ones that matter most in my life. I read a fren's blog and he says, to him.. Friends play a big part in his life. He can't live without friends. Well for me, i think the same too.. but, i aint sociable as him, neither am i very witty or funny like him can crack so many funny jokes.. Wished that i can be a comedian at times too.. perhaps all this is inborn?? When ur born with it, u will have it..

Okays, time to say goodbye again and back to my game... i think its the only thing which i can use to forget all my troubles.. So, i'll play it everyday... Thats all, tata..

Anyways, been feeling rather lonely these days, although mum is at home. But she'll be gg to work next wk, and tats when i nd to take care of myself le, so more on that later.. Back to topic, yes i feel lonely.. and whenever im alone, i tend to think a lot.. so much to ponder about..

Like they say, the human heart is an emotional organ.. we all have feelings.. Sometimes i just wish to have someone by my side while im in this situation now. But sadly, there's no one around. I understand that everyone is busy now with their own stuffs and all. Its just my thinking that has gotten the better out of me. Sometimes i get hooked onto these feelings and i became miserable thinking about this and that..

On another note, im also kind of worried abt one thing.. whether my fracture will heal completely or not. But in the long run, its certainly to bring problems.. like the avascular necrosis.. a symptom where the head of the hip dies off due to lack of blood flow.. if that happens, i might need another surgery and god knows what will happen next.. So i really hope everything will go fine and smoothly so i do not need another operation.. I rly dun wan another op!! Its so scary to have the first one... and thinking of the next.. goodness!! So wells.. *cross fingers and prays*.. Everything's gonna be alright i hope..

To side things up.. regarding my camp and stuffs.. well nth much to say too. I know that there r some who truly care for me and some who dun. Hmm.. perhaps this fall also let me see the genuine side of ppl.. whether they care for me genuinely or not. Anw, when i return back to camp, i think i might not be able to do maintenance work anymore. Prolly might downpes.. but thats still unconfirmed. I just hoped i can be rid of all these heavy machinery and stuff.. i just wan to do light duty thats all.. Haha.. not keng lah.. but.. ahwell~

I guess i really said a lot of things.... all thats in the mind..... this happens when im all alone.. tends to think a lot of things.. So yeah, like i was saying, next wk onwards gotta learn how to take care of myself le.. no one ard to help me.. well just hope i can manage by myself..

Really very boring.. Bored to the max...

Hope i can faster recover and get back on my 2 feet again!!

Thats all...

Just as i thought everything was going fine for me at work and in life.. that i might be accepted into Ultra section.. then.. things took a downturn. It was kind of a shock for me and a turning point to me too..

Last fri evening, i went to my fren's condo for bbq gathering.. And, just as i was making my way to the bbq pit to find them.. oh and btw, it was pouring quite heavily.. so there were some puddles on the floor which i din see and somehow, my shoes gave way and i slipped and fell with a loud thud and landed on my thigh!! MAN!! It was really painful!! I couldn't pick myself up at all.. Soon my fren, Vic called to ask where i was and i replied wad happened to me. Shocked, he went to find me and as soon as he found me, i was lying on the floor in a position with my thigh and knee bent 90 degrees apart. Later, a few others came to see me. They were shocked to know wad happened to me. After a while of struggling, i managed to make myself sit on the ledge near the wall. But, struggle as i cud, i still can't lift my feet up and straighten it. The last solution was.... to go to the hospital.

Luckily one of my fren drove, so he gave us a lift to the nearby hospital. As i struggled to pull myself up, with my frens carrying me.. it was rly painful man!! Suffered and tolerated the pain until we reached the nearest hospital.. which was KTPH! Upon entering and after the registration, i went in to see the doc, followed by an X-ray on my leg.. and then, it was suspected that i had a fracture on my left hip bone. I got scared and din noe wad to do. But its a fact. So after that, i notify my parents and they came to the hospital to see me. After everything was done, i was being admitted into the hospital and warded.

That night, my orthopaedic surgeon came and talked to me abt my fracture. It was a serious hip bone fracture and he explained very detailed abt everything.. and lastly, he said a surgery was necessary. So therefore, i had to prepare for an operation. At that time, my mind was in a whirl.. i was totally shocked and well.. just followed wad he said. A more complete and precise explanation of my fracture....

The tip of my hip bone, which is the "head", has sort of "came off" or separated from the rest of the bones at the joint. And, there were many blood vessels near the "head", as my bone "head" is now separated from the joint, the blood cannot flow thru these vessels and without the continuous blood circulation flow, the "head" will die and then there will be trouble. So, seeing that im still young, he said he will do an op for me to join the "head" with the joint back together. And by doing so, 3 metal screws will be drilled into my bone to join the "head" with the joint back together. But there are still some risks involved. One is, the bone head and joint might not be joined back together properly, the other is the avascular change which is a symptom whereby the blood vessels cannot receive blood due to the interruption of blood flow circulating thru the vessels to the bone head, and as a result, the bone head will die off and then they might need to replace a metal bone for me to act as the bone head which might lead to even more complications. (Haha.. very bio right??)

So yeah, during the op, i was given the anaesthethic to sleep so i wun feel any pain. All i know was, they made me breathe in this STRONG GAS thru the airway.. and it was so strong that after a few mins, i was totally knocked out and i didn't know what happened at all. After a while, i came to and found myself lying in the recovery room as it was quite cold and i was freezing. At that time, i was still quite tired so went back to slp, until they woke me up for another X-ray before i was being pushed back to the ward to cont my slp again. Then, my family and relatives came to visit me. Later, my church frens also came along. And the first time i had my dinner, but i rly had no appetite at all. Vomitted a few times due to the nausea.. and after they left, there were a night snack that was a hotdog bun so i ate it and slept for the night.

The next day, i was feeling better. My appetite came back and i could eat normally again. Then they came visiting me again. My left leg was put in a horizontal straight position and i cannot move it at all.. cos it had just been operated on, so it needs time for the 3 screws to join and the bone to join and heal also.. After a few more days, it was getting better and so the physio came to teach me how to walk using crutches. My first time learning how to walk with crutches!! After learning how to walk already, the doctor then said i could discharge tmr!! I was so happy... getting ready and prepared for discharge.

So, in total, i spent 5 days in the hospital from Fri to Tues. And, during these 5 days of my stay in this hospital, i had frens and family relatives came to visit me, also not forgetting Dextre my army fren who came to visit me.. rly very touched and blessed. =) oh and also, the nurses there were nice and frenly as well. Overall, the hospital environment was really pretty and nice, as its a new hospital which opened quite recently only. (So.. am i lucky to be one of the patients in this new hospital?? Well..) Anyway, finally i got discharged on Tues!! So happy!!! Mum came to fetch me and we went back home on taxi.

Got back home, but things were no longer the same. I can't walk with two legs now. Need to use crutches and walk, which is a new experience for me. Must not put weight on my left leg, tat was wad the doc told me. Oh and btw, the doc gave me 2 mths of mc!! Yay!! Ok.. its pretty long, but its also necessary for such a serious sickness like mine to heal.. so yeah. But then, also nd to go back for another X-ray the next month to see if bones have completely healed and joined back together or not.. and also many follow-ups and appointments.. And another thing, i might get down-pes too.. but that still unconfirmed.

Just hope i can recover fast and get back to walking with my 2 feet again.. Staying at home is really very boring!! I wanna go out!! I want to be back to normal again!!! Yes!!!!

Bye....

Looks like i have succeeded in "forcing" myself to do a weekly entry about my driving course yeah!! As i felt it was a good "experience" and such opportunity like learning how to drive doesn't come by so easily.. so i must pen down everything that happened and my thoughts throughout in the driving course.

In conclusion, well im grateful that i got the chance to learn to drive, after my dad and my mum been harping me on whether im keen to learn driving and ask me to take the highway code test.. (i often mistook it as highway court.. lols). I did have plans on learning to drive but that was probably after i ORD or in the future.. as i didnt have time to do these things while im still serving my time in ns. But, so lucky i was granted this opportunity to learn driving.. while im still in ns!! So yeah, i was (a bit reluctant at first due to course stay-in and stuffs).. but in the end still went for it.. and i think overall it was a great experience, despite all the harsh scoldings, people i met and all.. i can just say its a "learning journey" for me and i also experience many things about people and all..

So now, im going to continue from where i left off last week....

Well, i failed my FIRST TP! :( Sadly.. But the tester aint that good anyways.. haha.. somehow, we always blame the testers, ok duh. So after having clocked 200mins and 50km, i went for my second TP.. and guess wad?? I failed again! :(( Reason? Not rly the tester's fault although i got a rather strict one.. its becos this time, i committed a MAJOR fault and got 16 demerit pts.. as a major fault means immed fail.. hence a fail. And the reason was becos when the green arrow is flashing.. i shud have stopped! But what i did was.. i continued driving on.. so tester pull handbrake and i noe its.. GAME OVER!! =(

So wells.. waiting for my third attempt. Oh n btw, all the failures means i gotta re-clock the 200mins and 50km again! Dammn!! I hate it man! Can't imagine doing it with my DI.. but thats just a fact. I was with him for the re-clocking and just like any other lessons, he would F me upside down and all.. guess like he's given up hope on me.. haiz.. Oh and also, my bunk n unit mate, Ash also failed! (Lol, i sound happy eh?).. yeah thats becos i felt like having a company.. like somebody failing together with me.. although its not a good thing.. but at least i got some consolation knowing he failed.. but he is really a good driver i must say..

Now the next day, it was raining heavily. This was going to be my 3rd attempt already! GOSH!! And for the test, actually my DI has sort of hinted to me to take the test in the noon as the traffic is much lesser in the noon than in the day.. so i heede his advice all along.. but after failing for 2 times, and getting comments by some of them that said morning is actually not so bad.. afternoon got lunch break so its more packed and jammed.. it kind of psycho-ed me so i was thinking morning is better so yeah i decided to go for morning this time.. And guess wad?? I FAILED AGAIN!! =(( RAWR!! Reason? Partly becos it was raining heavily and also, i didn't drive that well as i thought i would.. perhaps lack of confidence.. so due to demerit pts again, i failed.. i still rmb how horrible the tester face was.. he gave me that look that im not up to it.. and sigh.. yes i admit im not up to it..

I got a call from my DI in the afternoon asking me whether im going for the test or not.. actually he at first tot i was going to take the noon test as he arranged for me.. but he didn't noe that i changed myself.. i took morning instead of noon.. so he was rather shocked and knowing i failed, he was even more angry.. and so no choice.. he gotta take me for re-clocking again.. This time, unlike most of the other re-clockings i done with him, he keep mum and just let me drive straight and all.. BUT BUT BUT.. this time he seemed to have a bit of hope in me.. machiam like 1% that kind.. he said, i actually can pass just that i need to be more aware in the traffic part.. thats wad he said to me last time.. he said my safety and control is gd, but traffic awareness is my weakness! And this time, he pointed out to me what are the mistakes i done wrong and corrected them on the spot.. After all that correction, i felt a sense of hope.. i felt relieved he still believe in me that i could do it so i told myself.. i must pass my 4th test as i dun wanna disappoint him and wanna prove to others that i can do it! So yeah.. go for my 4th test!!

This time, i took my FOURTH test!! 4 more times to go if i failed this one and i can say bye bye liao.. but no, i told myself.. i must succeed! Oh and btw, Ash passed during 3rd try.. so all in all i was even more upset.. but told myself not to give up.. so on to my 4th test.. this time i got a fairly good tester so i told myself i must do it!! As usual, the same thing i did for every other tests.. 3-point turn first then out to public.. and this time it was rather smooth except for one turning i turn quite sharp to the extent i almost hit the kerb.. oh gosh! I was panicky this time.. thinking i have hit the kerb and failed.. as the tester told me abt it.. But then i think.. maybe i still got hope so i try to perform well all the way towards the end.. and then when parking that time.. i was EXTREMELY NERVOUS!! Parking in the centre means game over.. parking in the other slots means im safe.. and so.. when the tester asked me to park at lot 40 sth.. THIS WAS IT!! OMG!! It was the SAFE slot!! So wells.. i was rather excited now.. and after having parked nicely and everything.. he then told me that just now i ALMOST HIT the kerb.. but i missed it by just 1cm.. machiam like the length of a thin layer of hair!! OMGGOODNESS!! I still can't believe it.. Of course.. happiness was written all over my face as i got off the vehicle and thank the tester.. I PASSED!! =)) At last!! I PASSED!! I GOT MY LICENSE!! WOOHOO~~~ It was a real delight!!! As there were still a handful who hasn't passed yet... so wells.. im lucky i passed..!!

Wow... looking back, i still rmb the whole duration of the test.. 45 mins! So long! And everything that happened..the whole scenario is still fresh in my mind.. But i must thank the tester partly cos he made me feel so comfortable as he was talking to me just like a friend! I felt good..therefore i perform well too! Nice tester he is really! I heard comments about him.. and i must really agree he's a nice but FAIR tester.. he said, if i had really hit the kerb, he would still fail me.. so i didn't and he passed me! So wells, this whole of my driving journey has come to an end. Not forgetting that day of my 4th test, my DI was sick so he couldn't make it.. actually at first i was asked to take the morning slot but as my DI has always said noon is the best.. so i stick to his advice and i fought for it.. becos this time my DI have no say on my test time.. so i fought for it myself.. the noon slot. Oh yes, after passing, was happy and all.. and thanked my DI thru an sms.. for guiding me and all, despite all his tough and harsh treatments. Maybe God is showing me that the process of working hard is not easy (harsh scoldings..etc) but the fruits of my labour will surely be sweet (Passing my TP is really sweet victory!!). Together with the determination and hardwork, one will eventually succeed.. which happens to me!

And, recently, i just got a conflict with Ash.. it lead to a cold war between me and him.. i dunno how its gg to turn out as we are all in the same camp and we'll see each other all the time.. Hmms..

Ok basically this was wad happened...

Still rmb the "Gong Tai Tai" thing?? Yes they keep on calling me that until it gets on my nerves already..but i din really bother much until that day... and it was on the same day i passed. First, they made comments that i passed by mere luck, cos they said my driving standards arent very gd, but i told them i passed thru my skills and tat i was a safe driver! They gave me that "smug" look which makes me kinda pissed.. nvm if they dun wanna believe.. i noe i passed by my own means can already..

But wad makes me more pissed is this.. they actually wanted to play a prank on me by locking the door while i was away.. So it turned out that Ash happened to go in, but he cud not as the door was locked.. and.. dunno y, but he go and used his body strength to push open the door, alas the door opened, but the door latch or lock dropped out.. and worse of all, they pushed the blame to me saying it was me who kicked the door and they told my IC abt it.

Then my IC go asked if i were the one who do it and i told him everything, the truth and all... After he learnt wad happened to me in the bunk, he went to my bunk and went to gave them a gd "lashing".. At tat pt of time, i felt great as i finally had my burdens lifted up.. But who noes, after my IC left, they were like not happy i go complain to my IC abt them, and they kinda like "shooting at me" but not openly.. just some murmur here and there.. So the next morning, they just nv talk to me.. i feel everything is no longer the same as before, perhaps they have already crossed over the line that i can't be frenly towards them anymore.. So, i requested to change bunk and thats when i moved over to another bunk and regained my peaceful stay for 1 night..

After this incident, Ash nv talked to me at all and treated me v coldly, cos he kept thinking im bad to tell my IC what they did to me.. i said i can't take it anymore so i told my IC.. he like show me attitude and dun wan to listen to me.. so now we just cold war and i dunno when its gg to end..

Ohya, before i RTU.. went for my last driving.. the islandwide confidence driving.. also called IWCD in short.. from KBC all the way to Changi Naval base!! My oh my.. the distance is damn long!! And going only 50km/h means it takes longer to reach.. and we gotta drive both landrover and 3-tonner.. but its sort of like a free-driving.. cos we have passed so we can drive like professionals now! Haha!! It was FUN!! The feeling is GREAT!! Without having to be treated like a trainee and endure those scoldings and all.. Its just great great GREAT!! FUN is the only word i can say for IWCD.. But tiring also.. haha.. as i drove on landrover twice.. going and come back.. so yeah.. all in all i drove for 3 times! Plus tonner.. supposed to drive 2 but we short of 1 person so thus i had to drive one more..

OKOK i noe kinda long-winded.. if u had really read thru all the way until the end.. i really APPLAUD U!! Haha.. cos its not easy... i too long-winded liaos.. haha.. maybe can write novel le.. Ok la.. RTU lo.. Going back to gedong!! Good or bad? Dunno.. we'll see...

BYE!

Let's cut things short. So this wk, had my TP.. and guess wad?? I failed. :( Yes, i failed.. :(!!! Arghhh!!! Dammit.. its not becos of major faults, but its cos of 22 demerit points.. anything more than 10 constitutes a fail. so yup. Anyways, i did my best so i can only say, i'll try harder next time. But before i can go for the next test, nd to clock 200 mins of driving and 50km!! AHH!! thats wad i hate most.. but no choice.. :( hope to pass the next test.. which is the 2nd!!

Secondly, its abt the ppl and all.. now my bunk is split into grps.. with those PSP-gamers united as one, 2 indian tamils as 1, then me, and 2 other guys are the ones that do not fit in to the groups.. but those 2 they have their own frens outside the bunks.. as for me, i have no one else.. just me alone.. so im kinda outcasted and left out.

Try to make frens and talk to ppl but dunno y, there's always a certain point i can reach.. its like, once i hit that point, my frenship level with the person stops.. its hard to evolve. Thats my weakness.. unable to carry the conversation well..

Another thing, some of the ppl, esp those in my bunk always like to make fun of me.. becos the tamil indian guy dunno how to pronounce my surname correctly, ended up they called me "Ah Tai".. (stupid name right.. i noe).. which further became.. "Gong Tai Tai".. as it was called by my unit fren, Ho. He created that name and all of a sudden, everyone calls me that.. i rly hate it lor.. u noe the meaning right.. it means silly.. and a bit of blur.. yeah, which kinda resembled who i am in army.. Slow and blur and everything.. DAMMIT. I rly hate myself in the army.. why must i be like this??

Got one incident, where my unit fren, Ash, put his bag on top of mine.. and cos i wanna get sth out of my bag, i nd to remove his bag away, so i took out his bag, and put it on the next bench with a "little bit of force".. but to him, im like "throwing it".. and wads more, it contained his PSP charger inside.. so he was kinda angry with me.. but then at this time, one of my coursemate, Sam.. saw it and he said it was not my fault that i "threw" it.. its cos his bag was on top of my bag so he said i had the right and asked me not to apologise.. i felt it was kinda true.. after so long, i have always been "under the foot of others".. its time to stand up for myself already i tot!! So i held up courage and said .. it wasn't my fault.. and as expected, a vehement arguement occurred which left to a cold war between me and Ash.. back in the bunk, he also treated me coldly.. i just ignored him and bear with it as i noe.. he always tends to treat me well when i am "under his foot".. i just feel so lowdown.. why must i go to this state?? I wanna stand up for my ownself and pride..

But sooner or later, as the next day awaits.. everything sunk in.. somehow he "forgave" me.. decided not to look on the matter and we became "normal frens" to where we were before again.. and thats the time where im "under his foot" again... kena laughed at and made fun of.. Gong Dai Dai.. that stupid name kept repeating in my ears.. sometimes i just hoped i cud shout and retort back at them.. but im just too timid and dun dare.. yeah i hate myself.. why am i so timid!!?? I rly hate myself!! I just wanted to shout back and ask them not to call me GTT anymore.. but cos im scared and dun dare, they just continued doing that... haiz, tell me wad shud i do, God.. shud i stand up for myself or continued to get "mocked" by them?? I feel like a weakling lor.. everyone look down on me.. haiz..

Im just such a weakling... hate myself to the core!!!! :(((((((((

Sometimes, i wanna scold back but just cannot get the wisdom to scold.. dunno wad words to scold and end up making a fool of myself.. so i rather not scold back at all.. hmmms.. wad shud i do... i wanna get respect from them... Sam told me that i have to earn respect by myself.. and thats to be firm when im right.. to stand up for my rights.. hmms.. guess i'll try it..

God, no matter wad.. help me by keeping me strong, noe how to defend myself, not let others bully me... God come and be my helper..

Alright enuf of all these sob stories.. i just wanna pass my TP and go to Man Truck course.. and perhaps finish the whole course ASAP.. sometimes i just wanna pass out of the course right away and dun wanna waste anymore time in it..

Ok fine.. thats the end.. cya.

This week, as usual, driving and parking test and also, cross country.

Basically on monday, went to take an internal driving assessment conducted by the individual DIs.. and so i went for the test and....failed, yes :(

Next, tues was parking test.. this was my worst cos i haven practised much.. when it was my turn, they changed the parking lot to left parallel parking.. i was like.. OMG!! I haven even learnt how to do it, not even practise. So wells, caught a few last min tips from my parking instructor and i tried to do it.. actually i almost succeeded..!! But.. stupid thing i hit the pole slightly so dammit.. failed! :(

Wed was cross country.. an experience of outfield driving and all.. for the whole day!! So many obstacles to go thru.. but it was fun.. esp driving the landrover up the slope.. Speeding!! So cool!! Yeah.. came back with sweat and shag-ness all written over the face..

Thurs, back to driving again and then, parking re-test for the failures.. This time i was determined to pass.. but count me lucky, cos i got a parking lot which i practised before so i was able to do it!! So lucky.. and yes, i passed finally!! :) So now, no more parking in future lo!! yeehah!

Okk.. basically wanna talk abt driving.. My driving is half-standard lah.. my DI said i can control the veh well and maintain safety, but one thing i lack is.. traffic awareness.. that requires observation.. cos sometimes i commit mistakes here and there due to traffic awareness.. damm.. i hate it lor!! Turn left, turn right.. Turn right, turn right.. makes me so confused.. and so afraid to cut into other ppl lane as well..

These few days when i drive, keep kena scolding by my DI.. he seem to become a changed person.. more heated up and angry and fierce.. like a monster. I now quite scared of him thats y everytime i drive i very stress.. must do perfect if not will sure kena scolding. :X But then, how can i not make mistakes?? Im not perfect.. i sure make mistake one.. so when i do, he will scold and scold.. very harshly.. got once he even throw something at me.. (F HIM!!) I very angry actually.. wanna scold back, but didn't.. i hate it lor.. can't he let me drive properly?? This is wad i face all the time... scoldings and scoldings non-stop!!!!

On sat, it was even worst.. tot bkout day i shud be fine but who noes, on the start, i already did some mistakes, plus, his mood was bad.. so... he really EXPLODED this time.. after he exploded, i tried to do everything nice nice and dared not make any more mistakes.. only when gg back that time.. PARKING!!! This is the worst of my worst.. i can't do the parking very nice wan.. always need time to adjust here and there.. and his presence in the car make me even more stressed and tensed.. So this was wad i did.. like usual, i reverse the veh.. until suddenly he ask me to stop.. then guess wad???

He put his face near my ear and then he shouted SUPER LOUD.. CI BAI!! inside my ear!!! FUCK HIM!!! Im not deaf okay!!! Why must scold so loud.. so fucking loud that everyone in the training shed can hear it.. fuck man!! It was my mistake la.. i forgot to check left mirror (thats my mistake all the time)... but why must he shout at my ear?? FUCK HIM LA!! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! I damn pissed off lor... but just control only... fucking embarrassed lor.. den after several tries, i still cannot make it.. then he said, he dun wan to waste his fucking time anymore so he asked me off engine and fuck off...

Nowdays, he's getting more and more heated up... i am (more and more) scared of him liaoz... but he's truly a fucker lor... scold and scold so loud.. FUCK!!!! I hate it lah!!!

Nvm, just gonna bear with it for another 2-3 more days cos TP will be on wed.. and hopefully i pass TP, then dun have to see his face anymore!!! I dun wanna see him anymore!!!! I want to pass TP asap!!!! I dun wanna see him anymoer!!!!!!!!!

Actually, to say so, he's a gd DI la.. but his methods sometimes not v gd, and his temper problem.. flare up easily.. if only he can control his temper... but he can't.. too bad..

Anyway, i'll just put up with him until TP starts... hope i do a nice one... so yeah... thats how my driving story is... everyday kena F and scoldings... thats y i fucking hate driving... i tot driving shud be fun and all?? Nvm, pass TP and i can drive however i wan also no one care.. But, i must pass TP first la.. so.... I MUST PASS TP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok la.. say so much le... on to the friends part...

Friends wise.. in my bunk, i can say no one is close to me at all... i just try to mix ard with them.. but somtimes they also not very nice to me.. when i do some wrong mistake, they will make a joke out of it and laugh.. haiz.. kinda used to being laughed at already so no big deal to me... i just wish for a better day everyday and hopefully i can get to make at least a few close frens in this course before it ends.. but currently, its hard to do so and i dun think i can find any..

Its just so sad not to have any close frens at all in the course... i rly wish to have one... haiz..

Okok.. enuf of sob stories le... gtg eat dinner already.. mum is nagging!!

Cya..!