First up, i have changed the blog songs! The song playing first is Jay Chou's new song called Shuo Le Zai Jian. First time hear it, i just felt it was like any other normal song.. but after hearing it repeatedly, i can feel the emotions of the song coming out.. and thats why this song is damn emo, makes me feel emo too. Anw, songs have the power to change a person's feelings or mood. So if its a sad song, sad mood.. happy song, happy mood.. yeah? But when we feeling down, we normally listen to sad song.. ok tats abt songs.
Second, what have i been busy doing all these while? First things first, have been playing the game BTO also known as business tycoon online for quite some time or rather, most of the time. So much of my time have been invested in this game. I wouldn't go into the details of the game, but just to say, i partly play the game cos of that guy whom i met in driving course.. everytime i see him online, i will try talk to him, to get his attention. Hmm very long nv "quarrel" with him liao ever since our course ended so i tried to "quarrel" with him in the game, but sometimes it lead to adverse effects. Ok..thats abt the game.
Another thing i have been coping with is also boredom and loneliness. Although i have games to play, but i still feel bored and lonely at times. And sometimes i wonder, whether anyone truly cared for me, and also if their care and concern was genuine, or are they just caring for the sake of caring? Lots of thoughts just ran thru my mind. Yes, they do care and all, but tat was in the past.. wad abt now? Its so different now. I no longer feel the care and concern anymore. Sometimes, when im miserable or sad, i will just play the game to "numb" myself. So that i can be occupied without thinking any other things. But, reality hurts. After a while, it all comes back to me again. Why? Why is it like this? Have i done anything wrong? I just wished for a clique of frens whom i can be comfortable with thats all. Maybe its not easy to achieve it.
Changes are always constant. People change... everyone change. Even that guy changed. Nowdays when i log into the game and see him online, i will talk to him, but he seldom respond already. Having helped him to be able to climb up the politics ladder so that he can become a block legislator now, this is what he does to me. I just feel damn sad. Felt so neglected by him in the game. What's more sad abt this is.. i created another account on the same server and actually used it to get close to him. Yes, it worked! He could talk normally with my the other persona.. but not with my real name in the game. Maybe cos of the impression i gave him in the first place. I think he is just a bustard who looks at people's appearances and all, dun even try to understand a person well. So yup, people change.
This is just a sudden thought. Some of my frens have just enlisted into ns, and they're taking bmt now. To them, bmt is a happy thing, cos they can get friends and bondings. But, to me.. is hell!! I will never ever forget abt it. I rmbed i was bullied.. real bullied by my bunkmates. Esp on the last day before POP, they played a prank on me which caused me to go and confront the other person and i was so shocked that person became violent and started to fight me. Now when i think back, i shud have just been more "man" to fight him back isn't it? Perhaps in the end we all land up in DB or maybe get punished severely.. and i'll nv forget that bastardic bunkmate of mine who is my bed buddy also.. damn pissed off with him. All in all, i had nv had a good bmt life in the first place.. so my impression of bmt is .. it sucks!! To think they now want to screen a 16-episode of BMT life in the cyberworld, i tell u.. its all FAKE!! The real emotions only take place when u are in it!! When u are experiencing what i feel!! If u think what im saying is wrong, think abt this.. Did they portray on ppl getting bullied or being insulted at?? NO!! They din even portray that!! They only portray the GOOD side of BMT.. which is u get a lot of bunkmates who are so called "supposingly" helpful.. but the truth is, u never noe who is truly helpful in the end.. Some might just leave u alone in the ditch.. So, i shud say the video is damn stereo-typed.. only portray GOOD side of bmt, and not the BAD side..
Wow wow wow, said so much pretty "emotional" stuffs.. But that's pretty what i thought too, just felt like "letting it go" everything all in this blog of mine. Afterall, this is the avenue where i throw all my troubles and problems and burdens in here. So yup.
Okok.. the title is updatesss, but i haven updated anything on my condition yet, so lol.. Been a mth now since im recovering at home slowly... Will be going for next review next thurs and then see what the doc have to say. So right now, still recovering process.. damn bored can't go anywhere.. missed all the places i been to and all the fun i had during those times i could go out with my frens.. missed all the food too! Esp IKEA cheesecake!! Thats my fav!! Been a year since i ate that.. i must go eat it once i recover!! Ok, so much on that.. really misses and misses!! But, it is not the food that is good, its not the place that is nice, its the company that im with.. like my frens.. some whom i can really be comfortable talking to.. they are the ones that matter most in my life. I read a fren's blog and he says, to him.. Friends play a big part in his life. He can't live without friends. Well for me, i think the same too.. but, i aint sociable as him, neither am i very witty or funny like him can crack so many funny jokes.. Wished that i can be a comedian at times too.. perhaps all this is inborn?? When ur born with it, u will have it..
Okays, time to say goodbye again and back to my game... i think its the only thing which i can use to forget all my troubles.. So, i'll play it everyday... Thats all, tata..
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