Winzzy's World Of Thoughts

The topic is Uncertainty.. Why?? Becos im so uncertain of many things, so unsure of wad to do now and then.

Its like... im already thinking.. wat am i gg to do after i ord?? The "traditional" way would be to enrol in a university to continue studying.. but with that meagre gpa of mine, i dun even noe i can qualify for a local u or not.. plus, im not sure wad course i wan to pursue too.. im so vexed.

Can i blame NS for all these that have happened?? NS is nothing but just piece of crap.. waste time waste ppl effort only. If not for ns, i would have already set out a path on wad to do after i grad from poly.. but becos of ns, i gotta wait for 2 long yrs before i can do anything.. and somehow or rather, my mind have "degraded".. i can't think like before again.. no longer quick witted and all.. ns just really transforms ppl to slow and useless creatures.. ns.. all ns fault!!

Wad hav ns done in my life so far?? Nothing!! From the start.. BMT to OETI to my current unit.. it does NOTHING at all!! So wtf i need ns for?? Seriously no point at all..

Argghhh.. now is the period to apply for universtites admission but i just dun feel like doing it.. im so uncertain wad to do.. shud i just wait after ord then decided wad to do? or shud i decided now?? dammm... this ns is like taking my life away.. i dunno wad to do except to rot here and let days go by.. i dun seem to do anything productive anymore..

Actually my mind is thinking, maybe i'll go SIM or private u to study.. or maybe just find a job elsewhere but hopefully the job is a gd one then i just be content and happy.. like my cousin lester, he's now working as an IT support for his company.. that's cool.. so shud i rly go further my studies or go into the working world after ord?? This is rly wad puzzles me.. i dunno wad i shud do..

Anyways.. there's still a long way before ord.. so dun rly feel like thinking abt it.. no pt thinking abt it too.. haiiz..

I just feel like rotting.. haaiiz... no purpose life.. godammn it sucks!

Anyways, just to kinda vent out my frustrations.. i will spill some beans here.

Well well, its been 2 mths since i set foot into my new camp in SGC and which will be my "home" for the next 1 and 1/2 yrs.

Generally, i got to know my platoon mates more in-depth and also other mates from other platoons.

However, my own section is... not say bad la, but a bit not-so-gd.. why?

Cos of a fk-ed up sgt of mine.. i noe he doesnt like me, neither do i.. he's really my "yan zhong ding".. i rly can't stand him and he can't stand me too.

First things first, i hate his kind of tone towards me, always so harsh and so unfeeling.. even the way he acts is also quite punkish.. typical ITE guy la..

Next, he always like to aim at me even for the slightest thing.. yes i noe at first im not that gd, i dunno anything, i keep asking him to show me do this do that and when i can't rmb them just becos i dun hav a gd memory, he come n f me upside down.. WTF! Ppl make mistakes lor.. if nobody makes mistakes, then everyone is perfect liao isn't it?? I rly hate it manzz..

Third, i feel he's very controlling.. like where i go and what i do also must let him noe.. yes i noe its impt to tell ur seniors abt ur whereabouts.. but the feeling he giving me is too much too much to the extent like u want to tie someone to a rope like dat. If thats the case, might as well find a rope and tie me to a pole so i wun run away.. isn't it?? I rly hate it whenever go toilet or just wanna go somewhere else i tell him already, he will say go, but with a "faster" behind and also harsh tone and mannerisms.. can't he just act a bit more manneristic??

Worse comes to worst, he just likes to scold and tekan me.. guess im just too easy to be bullied huh.. fking hell.. and sometimes i piss off, i just heck care him but i din shout back at him, which i wanted to but dared not. Even tho i din shout at him, he tot i giving him some attitude.. yes i show attitude cos i not happy.. if u not happy would u show attitude?? So does that mean he is the only one who can show attitude when he not happy and not me??? We are all human beings we will get angry too..

Think abt this, if u are gg to work with someone for almost 1 yr plus, and u already dun like that person or want to make hell with that person.. how then are u gg to COOPERATE with that person to get the job done faster and better together?? Imagine if u keep shouting at one another, scolding f*** u to one another, is it gg to get any better?? Just so u noe u gonna be stuck with that guy for like almost 1 and 1/2 yr plus?? If i were HIM, i rather make life easier for my juniors.. rather than tekan-ing them, but teaching them the proper methods seriously but sincerely.. so that they can appreciate wad i am teaching them.. instead me scolding them and making them hate me forever.. its not going to work well if we r working in a team..

Army is the same..everything is abt teamwork.. if that fk-ed up sgt of mine wants to make my life hell, it is not gg to work out nicely cos there wun be any cooperation at all.. why can't he think of making life better for me and him and for the rest of our section mates..?? Why must he really pin me to the core and make me his "yan zhong ding" and i the same to him too?? There is a path for him to choose, why must he choose the hard path?? Tekan me also no use.. it will just make me hate him more and bring the whole team morale down.. i dun understand seriously.

Alrightsss.. enuf of that fk-ed up sgt of mine.. he's not the only one, there is still a staff sgt who kinda acts as a big fk.. and also some of my seniors.. i noe they are more pro and skilled than me and finds me work slow dun give a fk or wadever.. yes im bad.. but they as seniors shud be more encouraging and more understanding.. well wadever..

Anyways, yes im at fault too.. but they themselves also have their faults.. no one is perfect.. so actually i can't rly blame anyone here.. but just hope things will get on for the better.. as i seriously can't stand HIM anymore..

God, pls come and help me and curb my feelings.. i wish for better days ahead! Esp in camp!!

Alrights, this is just to vent out my frustrations and all....

Nitez everyone!