So much so much..

Saturday, October 27, 2012 at 12:53 AM
After such a long time of not blogging, i just felt like blogging, again. The feeling of wanting to pen down all my thoughts and feelings and also rantings into this blog, just came to my mind. I dunno if anyone will be reading this, but anyways so yeah.

Recently, a series of events just happened and i felt as if i was in a roller-coaster, going through all the ups and downs in life.

There are just too many things that happened, and i just dunno where to start..

Okay..as of now, im currently working in another company after my previous job, but its just a temporary job as its just a 6 mths contract. Its already 4 mths plus now since i started working, so just left abt 1 mth plus more to go before my job comes to an end. And yeah, can't wait for it to end actually.. cos i wanna take a good long break!! Been very stressed and tired working continuously.. and sometimes really so stressed that i felt i could break down just any moment.

But then, along the way i also met many nice colleagues. Most of them are interns and temp staffs, just like me. All of them from different departments, but during lunch we are just like one big family, getting together and having lunch together. Those were really gd times! But as time passes.. most of them had already left the company as their contract and internship has ended. So now, its just left with 2 person, and thats me and my colleague, who is also an intern. From such a big group of ppl to just 2 of us.. its really very sad. But then, ppl come and ppl go. Nothing is forever.

Well but after so many "hi"s and "bye"s, i managed to forge out a close bond with my colleague and another temp guy, and together we form a clique. I really love this clique of ours! Although just 3 person, but is closely knit together. Anyway, i don't really like big groups too. 3 is just nice. But then, everyone is busy and have their own lives to lead, so we don't really meet that often but we'll still try to meet up if there's time. So, its good and i hope our clique will continue to remain strong and go on and on forever!

So, thats so much on my work life.. now come to my social life.. which is church. Well, i have changed a new church since last year after my ex-colleague invited me to his cellgroup. So i got to know many ppl there and it was really an exciting experience for me. However, things change.. As time goes by, more and more ppl join the cellgroup and it becomes very big. But too big is not good.. its so big that i felt quite leftout in there and there wasn't any ppl whom i feel close to. So i start to slowly withdraw myself from the group by not going for cellgroup meetings and church services.

So, i now no longer attend the church services and cellgroup meetings anymore. But i have no intentions of joining another new church or whatsoever as i don't wish to get stuck in this kind of "feeling left out then withdraw from church" situation again. Having been thru so much in life especially in the area of church, i think its better for me not to dwell in church stuffs anymore and just simply live a plain simple life will do.

Although many ppl say, u can't live without god.. how true is that? I mean, even if u do have a relationship with god or not, life still goes on isn't it?? Maybe some ppl look towards God as an emotional support. To me, i want something physical, not spiritual.. I want a person to be there when im sad, lonely and down.. i want ppl to care for me and show concern for me, thats why i rely on friends a lot..

Its not easy for me to make frens as im not very sociable and also due to being hurt so much in life before, i dun really trust anyone now except for those frens whom i feel they are really close and i will really treasure them and keep them close to my heart. To those frens whom i once knew and our frenship were strong, but due to some circumstances and situation, things change and the frenship that were once strong is no longer strong anymore, it becomes fragile like glass and it breaks so easily. Of coz, im very sad that our "once strong" frienship just end like this, but i guess, nothing is forever. Although im sad, yes.. but what can i do? Lost is lost already.. we can't get it back.. and no point crying over spilt milk.

So now, im just left with a few friends, but it beats having none. At least, having a few true friends is better than having so many casual frens or acquaintances.. and furthermore, maintaining a frenship is not easy, so if u have too many frens, its very hard to maintain them. So yeah, having a few true frens is already very good.

So yeah, i've spoken a lot already.. Well so this is my journey of life so far.. As of now, i dun wish to think too much already.. Let bygones be bygones, past is past.. Just look forward to the future and thats it. Those not worth keeping i will not keep anymore.

Okay, i'll end here..

Back to square one

Saturday, May 19, 2012 at 12:20 AM
Well, after so long of not deciding to blog again.. im back..

Anyways, i bet no one whom i know will be reading this so yeah.. free to rant here anyway.

As of now, im just feeling damn low...super deep deep low and down to the max..

Oh yes, im EMO.. EMO EMO EMO!! So what???

Guess im still back to square one in the end..

No matter what i do, no one will care..

Just totally hate myself... hate that im being born into this world..

Why must i even exist in the first place??

Maybe im just different from others.. Yes, wadever..

I dun wish to care anymore..

GG-fied....forever....

Is it goodbye to the organ or?

Sunday, October 30, 2011 at 4:16 AM
As u would have known, i've got this electronic organ at home ever since someone gave it to me. And i've been using it all the way and it worked fine, until one day.. there was a sudden "attack" that it gave me. I powered it on, and the moment i touched one of the keys on the keyboard, it went buzzing all the way non-stop and it has been like this since then. I was very worried n sad, cos i really want it to work well so i can continue to play more songs on it.

So, is it goodbye to the organ or??

Well well, i had called up the servicemen 2 wks ago and they agreed to come to my house to do a technical "check-up" on my organ. And so, today was the day the serviceman came. After opening up the screws, lifting up the cover, i saw what revealed underneath. A whole chunk of wires, chips and electronic boards. It has the likes of the inside of a computer, only thing it is not that complicated as the computer, but still several wires here and there connecting to different circuit boards.

So there, after a fine examining and testing.. he deduced that it is a "serious" problem, and to "cure" the problem, the only way was to change the whole motherboard. I was like.. ok.. but when he said it might cost ard $600.. i was like.. SHOCKED. Really.. I mean $600 for a motherboard?? U kidding?? But it was true.. And as the model of this organ is rather old.. and its already been discontinued, the parts will have to be purchased from somewhere but this tech guy says he knows some dealers out there so he can help us out "privately".

SO NOW.. the question is.. whether or not to "save" my organ.. I would definitely love to save it so i can still use it to play other songs.. more over, its been with me for abt half a year now and so there's a sentimental value towards it. BUT THEN.. the deciding factor was.. the COST..

When i asked dad to help fork out the money, knowing his stingy character, i noe he wouldn't, but at least if i said i fork out half, he fork out half, he might.. BUT.. to my unbelief.. he straightaway said NO. He dun even wan to fork out a single cent at all!! He just wanted to "end the life" of the organ. Well.. considering the organ is really old right now.. it might not be a good thing to get it repaired but.. even a new piano would at least cost a few hundred close to a thousand dollars.. so wad is $600 compared to that??

Well of coz.. $600 is still a considerably big figure which was why i had to think thru again and again.. becos my dad is now willing to spend only 100 bucks.. which means the rest i'll have to fork it out by myself..

Sigh.. i really love the music played out thru the organ.. as its bass and speakers are very strong, the music produced from it is loud and rich and lively. And so i enjoy playing it.. Seeing that now i can't play on it anymore, its really very sad.. but i can still get it repaired.. at the cost of 600 bucks.

Should i really get it repaired?? I really dun noe.. Wanted to find out the exact cost of the motherboard so i can know whether i have been "cheated" or not.. but i can't seem to find it on the internet.. so i only have one choice.. to risk losing the 600 or choose not to save my organ at all..

Haiz.. initially i tot it was a small problem.. maybe a bit of tuning or fixing would get it done.. but.. i didn't noe it was a major problem that even the whole motherboard has to be changed!! Too bad i dun noe how to fix an organ if not i will attempt to save it on my own.

I guess i would risk the 600 to save it again, but its just a matter of time.. im still thinking right now...

It is only time like this where i think having a job is so impt, as when u got a job, u got money. Cos earlier i was having the intentions of quiting and perhaps taking a break or wad.. but now, looks like i can't..i gotta earn more money and save up so i have enuf to spend.. spend on all this things like repairs, etc..

Right now, it is as gd as "dead"... shud i attempt to do "CPR" on it?? and pay the "operation fee"??

Dad says its useless to operate on it anymore since its so old and its been operated before.. so i dunno if its worth to operate on it.. But now, its just the matter of money.. whether am i willing to give out that money.. to exchange for the price of my organ to be back "alive" again..

So yeah... is it goodbye to my organ or not????

A stupid injury that costs me a huge price

Sunday, October 23, 2011 at 9:38 PM
Well, it doesn't pay to be kind afterall, so wad if ur good to others? They can't see it, and they dun appreciate it.

This person whom i have helped the last time.. has turned around and totally changed like a different person to me now.

Oh well, at least i noe his true colours.. but thats not all.. i suffered a injury becos of him..

I shall call him a fucker!! Seriously mother fucker!! Seriously fucking bitch!!

Well, this was wad he did to me.. he took my finger and bent it all the way backwards until i was totally in pain and he din seem to be apologetic at all.. just becos i said sth not nice to trigger his anger..

And i didn't rly expect wad would happen when i showed him the middle finger. Guess it was my fault too to show the middle finger at him, not knowing he would twist my finger the other way round and injured my finger severely.

Fine, wads happened has happened. But that doesnt mean i will forgive him. He shall forever be in my hated list and im not gonna see him anymore again i swear!! FUCK HIM SERIOUSLY!!

Now im just worried abt my finger as it hurts quite bad and i cant move it too vigorously lest it might drop off or wad.. and having the injury of this finger, my whole hand now seems like no energy.. no longer can do things the way i do.. i can't brush my teeth with my right hand now, shower also cannot.. in a way, my right hand is like "maimed" now.. im a handicap now..

I rly dunno wads gonna happen to my finger, will it cure back or not or will i suffer a fracture.. gotta do an x-ray to find out..

SHIT!! Why must such things happen to me!! Its just so unbelievable that my finger got twisted by that jackass fellow and now i have to live like a handicap without the use of my right hand!! Im so pissed!!!

I just hope everything will be fine.. my finger will regain normal strength again..

So the moral of story is.. never to be kind to others, they dun appreciate, and nv will..

Im so disappointed in this person that i helped him before and he just happily forget everything abt it.. fine i shall no longer see him, i will take him as non-existent from now on..

Just hope i can regain back my finger strength and everything will be fine..

*Keeping fingers crossed*

Stuck

Thursday, October 20, 2011 at 11:31 PM
Haiz.. lots of things running thru my head now.. spinning thru my mind..

I rly dunno wad to do and who i can turn to for help, just decided to blog it over here though..

As u noe, i've already been in my job for abt 1 mth plus.. coming to 2 mths.. firstly, it was alright i feel.. but then suddenly, due to the fact that quite a few colleagues left, and there were so little manpower left, and i have an increased workload.. but its not just that, i just hate receiving calls which will give me problems which i am clueless and can't solve.. but i noe i will definitely receive a few.

I just dunno..somehow the passion just died down.. i no longer feel happy at all helping people.. i help and help.. help and help.. wad do i get in return?? They also dun appreciate me helping at all.. i rly dun see the point why i shud help them anymore.. Them referring to the "callers"..

And also in this line of work, its quite busy and time consuming, so sometimes there are not much chance to "slack" and have a bit of "OTOT" time.. i really hate it when i go for breaks and can't take too long, not even ans a personal phone call.

Due to the fact they just installed this big TV.. and no its not for movie!! Although its a LCD TV.. but.. its not for movie.. lol.. its.. for monitoring our movements lor!! OMG!! Its like.. even if we go for breaks.. if it exceeds the time limit, it will flash yellow.. other cases it will flash red sometimes.. seriously no freedom at all..

Work and work and work non-stop.. Singapore working life is like that.. wad to do?? Everything also so expensive nowdays.. cost of living is high.. bla bla..

Anw, i received a fone call telling me there's an interview for a IT job position.. and i m keen in going lor.. cos its quite near my hse..

So well, will be trying out for the interview to see what happens.. if they accept, i'll take.. if not i'll stay on my current job bah..

But i really dunno wad to do lor... so frustrated out there!!

GRRRR!!!

Life after ORD

Sunday, October 2, 2011 at 11:54 PM
Well, its been a few mths since i last stepped onto this blog again. Just wanted to write what i feel and yeah, so im back.. haha.

Ord was one of the best things that i ever had seriously.. but what comes after ord is really the real thing..

So i have started working already.. been abt 1 mth plus in this IT company. First time doing a full time job in my life besides my internship back in the past.. I must really say, the working hrs are DAMN LONG!! Perhaps i too long nv work outside already..

Oh yeah.. but well i've kinda adapted to the working hrs and everything.. its just a routine everyday.

Except... the waking part!! I seriously hate to wake up so super early just to go to work.. and when im back home, it feels like almost 3/4 of the day is gone with me having like 4 hrs more to myself before i have to go to bed and tmr will be a new day again..

Time seems long when u have things to do, but seems short when u have nth to do.. those days when i were slacking at home idling away.. i rly feel time pass so fast.. but now at work.. time is really so slow.. each day to me is like so long i just can't wait for 6 o clock to come and i can go off.

So how's the people there in my workplace?? Hmms.. so far i would say they are all nice and friendly ppl.. maybe for some a little small temper la esp when they busy then i ask them wad to do they will get a bit pissed its understandable lah.. So yeah so far all still quite gd.. except that i think i have a barrier with my team leader though. Im not saying she's not nice.. but she is in charge of us and i noe its her job to make sure all of us perform well in the job so perhaps for me she find im a bit slow and slacking in the job so sometimes when i go for break for long time, she will suspect me and drop me some hints *wink*.

First time when i was really on the job.. getting the calls and so on.. i was very afraid, its just like a timebomb, anytime anybody can call and i would have to be ready to "defuse the bomb".. if i can't defuse it correctly, the bomb will explode!! So yeah i tend to always go into the offline mode.. which means it will not accept incoming calls. But my team leader saw that and ask me to go online mode all the time so i did.. and yeah, perhaps thanks to her making me feel so "stressed" and "pressurised" and a bit of "fear".. im no longer that scared anymore.. now being in online mode doesn't mean a timebomb to me anymore as i noe roughly what kind of qns ppl will be asking and how to ans them.. only for a minority which are still not easy to solve..so yeah..

AHHH!! I noe its getting a bit boring and hard to understand the previous part cos i haven rly tell u whats my job scope and everything.. basically im doing a helpdesk job and thats to ans fone calls and respond to customer's queries.. haha fun u would say? BUT.. there are difficult times too when u meet those nasty and demanding customers who want their problem solved on the spot.. i guess every job has its highs and lows.. so yup.

I wont go into more details.. so anyway, last wk was the last day i worked with my colleague.. he was the very first colleague that i met on the first day.. and we get along kinda well.. it was also thanks to him that i kinda like working as i noe i got a companion. But now.. he's going to be transferred out, that means he'll no longer be working with me anymore, i feel very sad of course!! To the extent of even crying.. But, i just can't cry out.. And suddenly i think, shud i also leave or shud i continue?? But actually im also waiting for my turn to be transferred out.. which i dunno how long it wud take.. just hope it'll be quick and fast..

Really hate to travel so far to work everyday... from one end to the other... just hope i can endure it for another month.. and then aft that i'll be posted to somewhere nearer to my place..

Sometimes i just think, why must i keep working so hard when others are studying or enjoying?? Is this really what i want?? I rly do not noe..

Now i understand working is not that fun as i thought to be.. its tiring and stressful.. but at least.. its not like army.. army is compulsory, working is not compulsory.. but its compulsory if u want to earn a living and to survive.. so in other words, its still compulsory lah.. haha..

OKOK.. time for me to embrace another new day tmr.. without my colleague tmr.. wonder if anyone will be replacing him or wad.. will it be a better day tmr?? i hope!!

K BAH!! Wadever negative tots that i have.. i'll erase them temporarily and get on with LIFE.. AHHH!! GAMBATTE~~ Renew my mind.. renew my thoughts and thinking..

Keep on fighting!!!!

BYE.

Finally the time has come!!!

Sunday, July 24, 2011 at 3:34 PM
I've been wanting to say this long long ago.... i've waited and waited... finally i can say it....

ORD LOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCKING HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AWESUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, everyday i've been waiting and waiting just for this day to come!!!!!!

Finally, its here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its fucking awesum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No nd to wake up so early again.............

No nd to see those faces again...............

No nd to endure n tolerate all the shit..................

Best........... no nd to see that DEE ASS AMP of mine!!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOO.......thank god...!!! Just when the state in camp is really like shit and living hell... im out of this shitty n sucky place!!!!

One thing i dun like is the breakfast thingy... have to wake up so early to go cookhse to eat.. lucky i dun even have to eat at all!!!

Another thing.. the rules n regulations in camp is getting more n more stringent n rigid.. anything do wrong can so easily sign extra... of coz la.. with that DEE ASS AMP of mine... extras r inevitable!!!!

Finally can kiss gdbye already!!!! I bet those ppl whom like to make fun of me will start to miss me cos they cant do that to me alredi!! But well.. i've alrdy tolerated enuf shit from them.. until i fucking cannot stand already!!! If im not gonna get out of that place soon... i might not be able to get out of it alive!!

So here am i.. standing tall and alive... OMG!!! IM ALIVE!!! I NV TOT I WOULD BRACE THRU THESE 2 YEARS COMING OUT ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH MY OH MY... IM ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOO!!! I SURVIVED THESE 2 YEARS!!! IM A SURVIVOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now... im sooooooo freeee!! Freeeeee to do wadever i want!!! SO FREEEEE!!!!!!!!! LOVE IT!!!!!

Love my freeeeeedom to the max!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ORD is really the love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ORD means everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ORD means freeeedom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally no nd to go back to that slumhole again!!!! So fucking ulu that place!!!!

FINALLY FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ORD LOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!