Winzzy's World Of Thoughts

First up, i have changed the blog songs! The song playing first is Jay Chou's new song called Shuo Le Zai Jian. First time hear it, i just felt it was like any other normal song.. but after hearing it repeatedly, i can feel the emotions of the song coming out.. and thats why this song is damn emo, makes me feel emo too. Anw, songs have the power to change a person's feelings or mood. So if its a sad song, sad mood.. happy song, happy mood.. yeah? But when we feeling down, we normally listen to sad song.. ok tats abt songs.

Second, what have i been busy doing all these while? First things first, have been playing the game BTO also known as business tycoon online for quite some time or rather, most of the time. So much of my time have been invested in this game. I wouldn't go into the details of the game, but just to say, i partly play the game cos of that guy whom i met in driving course.. everytime i see him online, i will try talk to him, to get his attention. Hmm very long nv "quarrel" with him liao ever since our course ended so i tried to "quarrel" with him in the game, but sometimes it lead to adverse effects. Ok..thats abt the game.

Another thing i have been coping with is also boredom and loneliness. Although i have games to play, but i still feel bored and lonely at times. And sometimes i wonder, whether anyone truly cared for me, and also if their care and concern was genuine, or are they just caring for the sake of caring? Lots of thoughts just ran thru my mind. Yes, they do care and all, but tat was in the past.. wad abt now? Its so different now. I no longer feel the care and concern anymore. Sometimes, when im miserable or sad, i will just play the game to "numb" myself. So that i can be occupied without thinking any other things. But, reality hurts. After a while, it all comes back to me again. Why? Why is it like this? Have i done anything wrong? I just wished for a clique of frens whom i can be comfortable with thats all. Maybe its not easy to achieve it.

Changes are always constant. People change... everyone change. Even that guy changed. Nowdays when i log into the game and see him online, i will talk to him, but he seldom respond already. Having helped him to be able to climb up the politics ladder so that he can become a block legislator now, this is what he does to me. I just feel damn sad. Felt so neglected by him in the game. What's more sad abt this is.. i created another account on the same server and actually used it to get close to him. Yes, it worked! He could talk normally with my the other persona.. but not with my real name in the game. Maybe cos of the impression i gave him in the first place. I think he is just a bustard who looks at people's appearances and all, dun even try to understand a person well. So yup, people change.

This is just a sudden thought. Some of my frens have just enlisted into ns, and they're taking bmt now. To them, bmt is a happy thing, cos they can get friends and bondings. But, to me.. is hell!! I will never ever forget abt it. I rmbed i was bullied.. real bullied by my bunkmates. Esp on the last day before POP, they played a prank on me which caused me to go and confront the other person and i was so shocked that person became violent and started to fight me. Now when i think back, i shud have just been more "man" to fight him back isn't it? Perhaps in the end we all land up in DB or maybe get punished severely.. and i'll nv forget that bastardic bunkmate of mine who is my bed buddy also.. damn pissed off with him. All in all, i had nv had a good bmt life in the first place.. so my impression of bmt is .. it sucks!! To think they now want to screen a 16-episode of BMT life in the cyberworld, i tell u.. its all FAKE!! The real emotions only take place when u are in it!! When u are experiencing what i feel!! If u think what im saying is wrong, think abt this.. Did they portray on ppl getting bullied or being insulted at?? NO!! They din even portray that!! They only portray the GOOD side of BMT.. which is u get a lot of bunkmates who are so called "supposingly" helpful.. but the truth is, u never noe who is truly helpful in the end.. Some might just leave u alone in the ditch.. So, i shud say the video is damn stereo-typed.. only portray GOOD side of bmt, and not the BAD side..

Wow wow wow, said so much pretty "emotional" stuffs.. But that's pretty what i thought too, just felt like "letting it go" everything all in this blog of mine. Afterall, this is the avenue where i throw all my troubles and problems and burdens in here. So yup.

Okok.. the title is updatesss, but i haven updated anything on my condition yet, so lol.. Been a mth now since im recovering at home slowly... Will be going for next review next thurs and then see what the doc have to say. So right now, still recovering process.. damn bored can't go anywhere.. missed all the places i been to and all the fun i had during those times i could go out with my frens.. missed all the food too! Esp IKEA cheesecake!! Thats my fav!! Been a year since i ate that.. i must go eat it once i recover!! Ok, so much on that.. really misses and misses!! But, it is not the food that is good, its not the place that is nice, its the company that im with.. like my frens.. some whom i can really be comfortable talking to.. they are the ones that matter most in my life. I read a fren's blog and he says, to him.. Friends play a big part in his life. He can't live without friends. Well for me, i think the same too.. but, i aint sociable as him, neither am i very witty or funny like him can crack so many funny jokes.. Wished that i can be a comedian at times too.. perhaps all this is inborn?? When ur born with it, u will have it..

Okays, time to say goodbye again and back to my game... i think its the only thing which i can use to forget all my troubles.. So, i'll play it everyday... Thats all, tata..

Anyways, been feeling rather lonely these days, although mum is at home. But she'll be gg to work next wk, and tats when i nd to take care of myself le, so more on that later.. Back to topic, yes i feel lonely.. and whenever im alone, i tend to think a lot.. so much to ponder about..

Like they say, the human heart is an emotional organ.. we all have feelings.. Sometimes i just wish to have someone by my side while im in this situation now. But sadly, there's no one around. I understand that everyone is busy now with their own stuffs and all. Its just my thinking that has gotten the better out of me. Sometimes i get hooked onto these feelings and i became miserable thinking about this and that..

On another note, im also kind of worried abt one thing.. whether my fracture will heal completely or not. But in the long run, its certainly to bring problems.. like the avascular necrosis.. a symptom where the head of the hip dies off due to lack of blood flow.. if that happens, i might need another surgery and god knows what will happen next.. So i really hope everything will go fine and smoothly so i do not need another operation.. I rly dun wan another op!! Its so scary to have the first one... and thinking of the next.. goodness!! So wells.. *cross fingers and prays*.. Everything's gonna be alright i hope..

To side things up.. regarding my camp and stuffs.. well nth much to say too. I know that there r some who truly care for me and some who dun. Hmm.. perhaps this fall also let me see the genuine side of ppl.. whether they care for me genuinely or not. Anw, when i return back to camp, i think i might not be able to do maintenance work anymore. Prolly might downpes.. but thats still unconfirmed. I just hoped i can be rid of all these heavy machinery and stuff.. i just wan to do light duty thats all.. Haha.. not keng lah.. but.. ahwell~

I guess i really said a lot of things.... all thats in the mind..... this happens when im all alone.. tends to think a lot of things.. So yeah, like i was saying, next wk onwards gotta learn how to take care of myself le.. no one ard to help me.. well just hope i can manage by myself..

Really very boring.. Bored to the max...

Hope i can faster recover and get back on my 2 feet again!!

Thats all...

Just as i thought everything was going fine for me at work and in life.. that i might be accepted into Ultra section.. then.. things took a downturn. It was kind of a shock for me and a turning point to me too..

Last fri evening, i went to my fren's condo for bbq gathering.. And, just as i was making my way to the bbq pit to find them.. oh and btw, it was pouring quite heavily.. so there were some puddles on the floor which i din see and somehow, my shoes gave way and i slipped and fell with a loud thud and landed on my thigh!! MAN!! It was really painful!! I couldn't pick myself up at all.. Soon my fren, Vic called to ask where i was and i replied wad happened to me. Shocked, he went to find me and as soon as he found me, i was lying on the floor in a position with my thigh and knee bent 90 degrees apart. Later, a few others came to see me. They were shocked to know wad happened to me. After a while of struggling, i managed to make myself sit on the ledge near the wall. But, struggle as i cud, i still can't lift my feet up and straighten it. The last solution was.... to go to the hospital.

Luckily one of my fren drove, so he gave us a lift to the nearby hospital. As i struggled to pull myself up, with my frens carrying me.. it was rly painful man!! Suffered and tolerated the pain until we reached the nearest hospital.. which was KTPH! Upon entering and after the registration, i went in to see the doc, followed by an X-ray on my leg.. and then, it was suspected that i had a fracture on my left hip bone. I got scared and din noe wad to do. But its a fact. So after that, i notify my parents and they came to the hospital to see me. After everything was done, i was being admitted into the hospital and warded.

That night, my orthopaedic surgeon came and talked to me abt my fracture. It was a serious hip bone fracture and he explained very detailed abt everything.. and lastly, he said a surgery was necessary. So therefore, i had to prepare for an operation. At that time, my mind was in a whirl.. i was totally shocked and well.. just followed wad he said. A more complete and precise explanation of my fracture....

The tip of my hip bone, which is the "head", has sort of "came off" or separated from the rest of the bones at the joint. And, there were many blood vessels near the "head", as my bone "head" is now separated from the joint, the blood cannot flow thru these vessels and without the continuous blood circulation flow, the "head" will die and then there will be trouble. So, seeing that im still young, he said he will do an op for me to join the "head" with the joint back together. And by doing so, 3 metal screws will be drilled into my bone to join the "head" with the joint back together. But there are still some risks involved. One is, the bone head and joint might not be joined back together properly, the other is the avascular change which is a symptom whereby the blood vessels cannot receive blood due to the interruption of blood flow circulating thru the vessels to the bone head, and as a result, the bone head will die off and then they might need to replace a metal bone for me to act as the bone head which might lead to even more complications. (Haha.. very bio right??)

So yeah, during the op, i was given the anaesthethic to sleep so i wun feel any pain. All i know was, they made me breathe in this STRONG GAS thru the airway.. and it was so strong that after a few mins, i was totally knocked out and i didn't know what happened at all. After a while, i came to and found myself lying in the recovery room as it was quite cold and i was freezing. At that time, i was still quite tired so went back to slp, until they woke me up for another X-ray before i was being pushed back to the ward to cont my slp again. Then, my family and relatives came to visit me. Later, my church frens also came along. And the first time i had my dinner, but i rly had no appetite at all. Vomitted a few times due to the nausea.. and after they left, there were a night snack that was a hotdog bun so i ate it and slept for the night.

The next day, i was feeling better. My appetite came back and i could eat normally again. Then they came visiting me again. My left leg was put in a horizontal straight position and i cannot move it at all.. cos it had just been operated on, so it needs time for the 3 screws to join and the bone to join and heal also.. After a few more days, it was getting better and so the physio came to teach me how to walk using crutches. My first time learning how to walk with crutches!! After learning how to walk already, the doctor then said i could discharge tmr!! I was so happy... getting ready and prepared for discharge.

So, in total, i spent 5 days in the hospital from Fri to Tues. And, during these 5 days of my stay in this hospital, i had frens and family relatives came to visit me, also not forgetting Dextre my army fren who came to visit me.. rly very touched and blessed. =) oh and also, the nurses there were nice and frenly as well. Overall, the hospital environment was really pretty and nice, as its a new hospital which opened quite recently only. (So.. am i lucky to be one of the patients in this new hospital?? Well..) Anyway, finally i got discharged on Tues!! So happy!!! Mum came to fetch me and we went back home on taxi.

Got back home, but things were no longer the same. I can't walk with two legs now. Need to use crutches and walk, which is a new experience for me. Must not put weight on my left leg, tat was wad the doc told me. Oh and btw, the doc gave me 2 mths of mc!! Yay!! Ok.. its pretty long, but its also necessary for such a serious sickness like mine to heal.. so yeah. But then, also nd to go back for another X-ray the next month to see if bones have completely healed and joined back together or not.. and also many follow-ups and appointments.. And another thing, i might get down-pes too.. but that still unconfirmed.

Just hope i can recover fast and get back to walking with my 2 feet again.. Staying at home is really very boring!! I wanna go out!! I want to be back to normal again!!! Yes!!!!

Bye....