Is it goodbye to the organ or?

Sunday, October 30, 2011 at 4:16 AM
As u would have known, i've got this electronic organ at home ever since someone gave it to me. And i've been using it all the way and it worked fine, until one day.. there was a sudden "attack" that it gave me. I powered it on, and the moment i touched one of the keys on the keyboard, it went buzzing all the way non-stop and it has been like this since then. I was very worried n sad, cos i really want it to work well so i can continue to play more songs on it.

So, is it goodbye to the organ or??

Well well, i had called up the servicemen 2 wks ago and they agreed to come to my house to do a technical "check-up" on my organ. And so, today was the day the serviceman came. After opening up the screws, lifting up the cover, i saw what revealed underneath. A whole chunk of wires, chips and electronic boards. It has the likes of the inside of a computer, only thing it is not that complicated as the computer, but still several wires here and there connecting to different circuit boards.

So there, after a fine examining and testing.. he deduced that it is a "serious" problem, and to "cure" the problem, the only way was to change the whole motherboard. I was like.. ok.. but when he said it might cost ard $600.. i was like.. SHOCKED. Really.. I mean $600 for a motherboard?? U kidding?? But it was true.. And as the model of this organ is rather old.. and its already been discontinued, the parts will have to be purchased from somewhere but this tech guy says he knows some dealers out there so he can help us out "privately".

SO NOW.. the question is.. whether or not to "save" my organ.. I would definitely love to save it so i can still use it to play other songs.. more over, its been with me for abt half a year now and so there's a sentimental value towards it. BUT THEN.. the deciding factor was.. the COST..

When i asked dad to help fork out the money, knowing his stingy character, i noe he wouldn't, but at least if i said i fork out half, he fork out half, he might.. BUT.. to my unbelief.. he straightaway said NO. He dun even wan to fork out a single cent at all!! He just wanted to "end the life" of the organ. Well.. considering the organ is really old right now.. it might not be a good thing to get it repaired but.. even a new piano would at least cost a few hundred close to a thousand dollars.. so wad is $600 compared to that??

Well of coz.. $600 is still a considerably big figure which was why i had to think thru again and again.. becos my dad is now willing to spend only 100 bucks.. which means the rest i'll have to fork it out by myself..

Sigh.. i really love the music played out thru the organ.. as its bass and speakers are very strong, the music produced from it is loud and rich and lively. And so i enjoy playing it.. Seeing that now i can't play on it anymore, its really very sad.. but i can still get it repaired.. at the cost of 600 bucks.

Should i really get it repaired?? I really dun noe.. Wanted to find out the exact cost of the motherboard so i can know whether i have been "cheated" or not.. but i can't seem to find it on the internet.. so i only have one choice.. to risk losing the 600 or choose not to save my organ at all..

Haiz.. initially i tot it was a small problem.. maybe a bit of tuning or fixing would get it done.. but.. i didn't noe it was a major problem that even the whole motherboard has to be changed!! Too bad i dun noe how to fix an organ if not i will attempt to save it on my own.

I guess i would risk the 600 to save it again, but its just a matter of time.. im still thinking right now...

It is only time like this where i think having a job is so impt, as when u got a job, u got money. Cos earlier i was having the intentions of quiting and perhaps taking a break or wad.. but now, looks like i can't..i gotta earn more money and save up so i have enuf to spend.. spend on all this things like repairs, etc..

Right now, it is as gd as "dead"... shud i attempt to do "CPR" on it?? and pay the "operation fee"??

Dad says its useless to operate on it anymore since its so old and its been operated before.. so i dunno if its worth to operate on it.. But now, its just the matter of money.. whether am i willing to give out that money.. to exchange for the price of my organ to be back "alive" again..

So yeah... is it goodbye to my organ or not????

| 0 comments |

A stupid injury that costs me a huge price

Sunday, October 23, 2011 at 9:38 PM
Well, it doesn't pay to be kind afterall, so wad if ur good to others? They can't see it, and they dun appreciate it.

This person whom i have helped the last time.. has turned around and totally changed like a different person to me now.

Oh well, at least i noe his true colours.. but thats not all.. i suffered a injury becos of him..

I shall call him a fucker!! Seriously mother fucker!! Seriously fucking bitch!!

Well, this was wad he did to me.. he took my finger and bent it all the way backwards until i was totally in pain and he din seem to be apologetic at all.. just becos i said sth not nice to trigger his anger..

And i didn't rly expect wad would happen when i showed him the middle finger. Guess it was my fault too to show the middle finger at him, not knowing he would twist my finger the other way round and injured my finger severely.

Fine, wads happened has happened. But that doesnt mean i will forgive him. He shall forever be in my hated list and im not gonna see him anymore again i swear!! FUCK HIM SERIOUSLY!!

Now im just worried abt my finger as it hurts quite bad and i cant move it too vigorously lest it might drop off or wad.. and having the injury of this finger, my whole hand now seems like no energy.. no longer can do things the way i do.. i can't brush my teeth with my right hand now, shower also cannot.. in a way, my right hand is like "maimed" now.. im a handicap now..

I rly dunno wads gonna happen to my finger, will it cure back or not or will i suffer a fracture.. gotta do an x-ray to find out..

SHIT!! Why must such things happen to me!! Its just so unbelievable that my finger got twisted by that jackass fellow and now i have to live like a handicap without the use of my right hand!! Im so pissed!!!

I just hope everything will be fine.. my finger will regain normal strength again..

So the moral of story is.. never to be kind to others, they dun appreciate, and nv will..

Im so disappointed in this person that i helped him before and he just happily forget everything abt it.. fine i shall no longer see him, i will take him as non-existent from now on..

Just hope i can regain back my finger strength and everything will be fine..

*Keeping fingers crossed*

| 0 comments |

Stuck

Thursday, October 20, 2011 at 11:31 PM
Haiz.. lots of things running thru my head now.. spinning thru my mind..

I rly dunno wad to do and who i can turn to for help, just decided to blog it over here though..

As u noe, i've already been in my job for abt 1 mth plus.. coming to 2 mths.. firstly, it was alright i feel.. but then suddenly, due to the fact that quite a few colleagues left, and there were so little manpower left, and i have an increased workload.. but its not just that, i just hate receiving calls which will give me problems which i am clueless and can't solve.. but i noe i will definitely receive a few.

I just dunno..somehow the passion just died down.. i no longer feel happy at all helping people.. i help and help.. help and help.. wad do i get in return?? They also dun appreciate me helping at all.. i rly dun see the point why i shud help them anymore.. Them referring to the "callers"..

And also in this line of work, its quite busy and time consuming, so sometimes there are not much chance to "slack" and have a bit of "OTOT" time.. i really hate it when i go for breaks and can't take too long, not even ans a personal phone call.

Due to the fact they just installed this big TV.. and no its not for movie!! Although its a LCD TV.. but.. its not for movie.. lol.. its.. for monitoring our movements lor!! OMG!! Its like.. even if we go for breaks.. if it exceeds the time limit, it will flash yellow.. other cases it will flash red sometimes.. seriously no freedom at all..

Work and work and work non-stop.. Singapore working life is like that.. wad to do?? Everything also so expensive nowdays.. cost of living is high.. bla bla..

Anw, i received a fone call telling me there's an interview for a IT job position.. and i m keen in going lor.. cos its quite near my hse..

So well, will be trying out for the interview to see what happens.. if they accept, i'll take.. if not i'll stay on my current job bah..

But i really dunno wad to do lor... so frustrated out there!!

GRRRR!!!

| 0 comments |

Life after ORD

Sunday, October 2, 2011 at 11:54 PM
Well, its been a few mths since i last stepped onto this blog again. Just wanted to write what i feel and yeah, so im back.. haha.

Ord was one of the best things that i ever had seriously.. but what comes after ord is really the real thing..

So i have started working already.. been abt 1 mth plus in this IT company. First time doing a full time job in my life besides my internship back in the past.. I must really say, the working hrs are DAMN LONG!! Perhaps i too long nv work outside already..

Oh yeah.. but well i've kinda adapted to the working hrs and everything.. its just a routine everyday.

Except... the waking part!! I seriously hate to wake up so super early just to go to work.. and when im back home, it feels like almost 3/4 of the day is gone with me having like 4 hrs more to myself before i have to go to bed and tmr will be a new day again..

Time seems long when u have things to do, but seems short when u have nth to do.. those days when i were slacking at home idling away.. i rly feel time pass so fast.. but now at work.. time is really so slow.. each day to me is like so long i just can't wait for 6 o clock to come and i can go off.

So how's the people there in my workplace?? Hmms.. so far i would say they are all nice and friendly ppl.. maybe for some a little small temper la esp when they busy then i ask them wad to do they will get a bit pissed its understandable lah.. So yeah so far all still quite gd.. except that i think i have a barrier with my team leader though. Im not saying she's not nice.. but she is in charge of us and i noe its her job to make sure all of us perform well in the job so perhaps for me she find im a bit slow and slacking in the job so sometimes when i go for break for long time, she will suspect me and drop me some hints *wink*.

First time when i was really on the job.. getting the calls and so on.. i was very afraid, its just like a timebomb, anytime anybody can call and i would have to be ready to "defuse the bomb".. if i can't defuse it correctly, the bomb will explode!! So yeah i tend to always go into the offline mode.. which means it will not accept incoming calls. But my team leader saw that and ask me to go online mode all the time so i did.. and yeah, perhaps thanks to her making me feel so "stressed" and "pressurised" and a bit of "fear".. im no longer that scared anymore.. now being in online mode doesn't mean a timebomb to me anymore as i noe roughly what kind of qns ppl will be asking and how to ans them.. only for a minority which are still not easy to solve..so yeah..

AHHH!! I noe its getting a bit boring and hard to understand the previous part cos i haven rly tell u whats my job scope and everything.. basically im doing a helpdesk job and thats to ans fone calls and respond to customer's queries.. haha fun u would say? BUT.. there are difficult times too when u meet those nasty and demanding customers who want their problem solved on the spot.. i guess every job has its highs and lows.. so yup.

I wont go into more details.. so anyway, last wk was the last day i worked with my colleague.. he was the very first colleague that i met on the first day.. and we get along kinda well.. it was also thanks to him that i kinda like working as i noe i got a companion. But now.. he's going to be transferred out, that means he'll no longer be working with me anymore, i feel very sad of course!! To the extent of even crying.. But, i just can't cry out.. And suddenly i think, shud i also leave or shud i continue?? But actually im also waiting for my turn to be transferred out.. which i dunno how long it wud take.. just hope it'll be quick and fast..

Really hate to travel so far to work everyday... from one end to the other... just hope i can endure it for another month.. and then aft that i'll be posted to somewhere nearer to my place..

Sometimes i just think, why must i keep working so hard when others are studying or enjoying?? Is this really what i want?? I rly do not noe..

Now i understand working is not that fun as i thought to be.. its tiring and stressful.. but at least.. its not like army.. army is compulsory, working is not compulsory.. but its compulsory if u want to earn a living and to survive.. so in other words, its still compulsory lah.. haha..

OKOK.. time for me to embrace another new day tmr.. without my colleague tmr.. wonder if anyone will be replacing him or wad.. will it be a better day tmr?? i hope!!

K BAH!! Wadever negative tots that i have.. i'll erase them temporarily and get on with LIFE.. AHHH!! GAMBATTE~~ Renew my mind.. renew my thoughts and thinking..

Keep on fighting!!!!

BYE.

| 0 comments |

Finally the time has come!!!

Sunday, July 24, 2011 at 3:34 PM
I've been wanting to say this long long ago.... i've waited and waited... finally i can say it....

ORD LOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCKING HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AWESUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, everyday i've been waiting and waiting just for this day to come!!!!!!

Finally, its here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its fucking awesum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No nd to wake up so early again.............

No nd to see those faces again...............

No nd to endure n tolerate all the shit..................

Best........... no nd to see that DEE ASS AMP of mine!!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOO.......thank god...!!! Just when the state in camp is really like shit and living hell... im out of this shitty n sucky place!!!!

One thing i dun like is the breakfast thingy... have to wake up so early to go cookhse to eat.. lucky i dun even have to eat at all!!!

Another thing.. the rules n regulations in camp is getting more n more stringent n rigid.. anything do wrong can so easily sign extra... of coz la.. with that DEE ASS AMP of mine... extras r inevitable!!!!

Finally can kiss gdbye already!!!! I bet those ppl whom like to make fun of me will start to miss me cos they cant do that to me alredi!! But well.. i've alrdy tolerated enuf shit from them.. until i fucking cannot stand already!!! If im not gonna get out of that place soon... i might not be able to get out of it alive!!

So here am i.. standing tall and alive... OMG!!! IM ALIVE!!! I NV TOT I WOULD BRACE THRU THESE 2 YEARS COMING OUT ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH MY OH MY... IM ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOO!!! I SURVIVED THESE 2 YEARS!!! IM A SURVIVOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now... im sooooooo freeee!! Freeeeee to do wadever i want!!! SO FREEEEE!!!!!!!!! LOVE IT!!!!!

Love my freeeeeedom to the max!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ORD is really the love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ORD means everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ORD means freeeedom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally no nd to go back to that slumhole again!!!! So fucking ulu that place!!!!

FINALLY FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ORD LOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

| 0 comments |

June faster go and July faster come!

Saturday, June 11, 2011 at 3:48 AM
If i was from the ptp batch back then, today would be a day that i will be celebrating.. why? Cos it will be "my" ORD day! But apparently, its not so.. back to emo. -.-''

Anyways, im now on "unofficial leave" aka mc lols.. again. Why? Cos i just had my wisdom tooth removed again. This time, and also its the last time for my other side. The last time i did was abt 2 mths ago, so yeah finally time to do this last side and its all finished!!

Just wanna say, this time round the operation still the same as before, however i feel it hurts more than the last time.. esp the pulling and drilling part of my tooth.. that part makes me feel like dying!! It was super PAINFUL!! Maybe the anaesthethic not enough dosage.. So i had no choice but to endure it for like.. 10-20 minutes?? And then when i heard "its done".. i was like WHEW!! But wad followed after was a temporary numbness of my cheek around the area which was being operated on.. so i couldn't feel a thing.. but aft a while, the numbness subsided and the pain starts to come in.. thats when i needed the painkillers.. the pain is finally gone aft a while of taking in the painkillers.. And now, my cheek is a little swollen... so its fugly! lols..

Kk... i've not been in camp for like almost one week, except for a particular day, that was tuesday. Apparently, i could have just not gone back at all.. but due to this thinking that this junior of mine would not be able to cope without my help.. i decided to come back even though i was on off. It was really a rash decision i made though. Could have enjoyed my monday to the fullest but yeah.. stupid to go back camp and to witness all the shit that happened.

From my words, u could tell that i already had loads of shit coming. Seriously, i shudn't have gone back at all!! A bit like "zhi zhao de ma fan".. Okk, firstly when i came back, my junior saw me and asked me why i came back.. I said i wanted to come back and help him.. I tot he will be touched when i said it but to my dismay, he didn't! He said i wanted to come back to save that off day of mine.. which is true i partly wanted to do that, but my main intention of coming back was also to see how he is coping and whether he need help or not.. cos i tot i will be gone for like a wk or so and wont be able to help him much, so i tot of cancelling my off to go back and help him.. but sadly, it wasn't appreciated at all..

Wad comes aft that was even worse...just like a nightmare.. The moment i stepped into my bunk, this particular big-sized guy just started his "crazy tongue lashing" on me. It really got me annoyed cos he used all those sarcastic and crude remarks on me which really made me mad!! As he was the one that did duty with me on sat.. it wasn't really a gd one doing with him. As he was my orderly.. so he just did wad he supposed to do, that is to collect lunch n dinner thats all.. the rest he dun bother. Thats how lazy he is. There was one time i saw so many ants crawling on the floor and asked him to help me clean, he dun wan.. i was super pissed with him lor!! Somemore my hand accidentally hit the railing so hard, that it became blue black and sore.. at that time i was so scared my bones might crack lor!! Yeah, i hate myself for being so bony and skinny.. =(

Anyway, i really loathe doing duty with him.. seriously sucks ttm. And now, come back bunk, he's my bunkmate.. still gotta endure his shit talk. Think he very smart, just bcos my intelligence quite low, can suan me until like that lah!! FCUK HIM!! I rly hate it too.. but sometimes i just can't think fast enough to outsmart him.. being in camp rly makes me stupid.. Anyway, just becos u big-sized doesn't mean i scared of u lor! U big sized doesnt mean u are strong.. it shows that u are FAT!! SERIOUSLY FAT!!! GEDDIT??

I keep tolerating him until i really REN WU KE REN le.. at the tech store where i went down to collect the spares.. he came also and he started his suan-ing again.. i seriously du lan liao and just retorted back to him.. Then he kinda "scared" liao so he try to act apologetic towards me. And so i relented and gave in. But who noes, come back bunk, he said he did that was to give face to me only cos got many ppl in the tech store so he dun wan to make the scene look ugly.. he wasn't really sincere abt apologising to me at all lor! FFFUCK HIM LAH!!! KNNCCB!!! Nv had i been so angry before lor..

Actually, he said i was the main cause of the whole thing.. cos i moved into their bunk from my own bunk.. Ok, initially i was from my own bunk with the bx people. But, due to the new ojes coming in and needed a place to slp and also during that pt of time, i dun rly like being in that bunk that i chose to switch to another bunk.. so this fatty tot of me like a "refugee" trying to seek refuge in their bunk. Had i known all this would happen, I WOULDN'T HAVE SWITCHED BUNK LOR!!! I'd rather stay in my own bunk.. all becos i wanted to let the new ojes come in so i sacrificed myself to go to another bunk.. now it looks like my decision was wrong in the first place!!

But sheesh.. wads done is done.. it can't be changed.. just gotta continue to endure for a mth more and kiss my ass gdbye to that holy goddammn place..

I guess i have uttered too much already... but cause im really angry when i think abt it.. so i wanna write it down.. but def not for memory sake!

K lah.. just can't wait to f off from the place lor!!! WHY?? Why today not my ord??? DAMNNN!!

Alright.... bb.

| 0 comments |

Time fly so slowly

Tuesday, May 17, 2011 at 11:30 AM
So long nv blog already.. just thinking what to blog for now.

Well, its already mid of May. Another 2 more mths to go.. !!

Counting down to sth has nv been that difficult, unless its to ORD!!

Man.. the days seem to get longer and longer.. damn!!

I can't tahan anymore in camp anymore.. loads of shit happening..

Who will hear my plea??

Everyday the same.. see the same old faces.. sian already..

And then my job still requires me to carry heavy stuffs.. wth right!!

Think no one seems to care abt me at all..

Fucked up ppl everywhere.. from Small to BIG.. from BIG to small..

They all just making me frustrated and wanna faster F out of that darn place!!

Just can't wait....

But after ord, also another problem...

But dun care la.. ord first then say..

Faster faster ord!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

| 0 comments |

Frigging hell money

Friday, April 8, 2011 at 9:59 PM
Damn!! Freaking angry now!! ARGGGHHHH!!!

Everytime talk abt this sensitive issue... my blood will boil..

Wad is this sensitive issue?? Its none other than.. MONEY of course!!

Money this, money that... hate it.....

Ok let me say wads it all about.....

Today evening i just received the letter abt the gst credits that the gov will be giving.. and its an okay sum i would say.. so the thing is, earlier on i had wanted to get a new lappy and mum said she will help me to fork out with a bit knowing i had financial difficulties but now she said i can use that sum of money to buy the lappy without any worries..

I know its quite reasonable lah.. but imagine.. after i ord, i will no longer get anymore "salary".. so that sum of money is meant for me to use as additional reserved money just in case i need to use them..

But this is not the issue.. THe thing is, she said so loud infront of my dad summore.. originally i asked my dad to buy for me the lappy but he dun wan.. he damn selfish.. now he noe abt the thing, he dun even wan to help me anymore.. and we just had a quarrel earlier on abt this.. hate it manz!!

He already dun wan to sponsor me to further study at uni liao.. still wan to KB so much.. dun even wan to lend a helping hand for my lappy.. He said he will sponsor me to study if its a local u.. but if its private.. then it will be on my own.. like wth right?? Super pissed lor!! Freaking hell i have a father like him who is super selfish.. dun even wan to sponsor his own son for studies!! Fine lor.. next time i got money i dun give him!!

Now just thinking wad i shud do after my ord.. maybe will have to go to work first then study?? Really dunno wad path to take sia.. i wanna go pursue further studies in music actually.. cos i had been playing the piano for quite some time and fell in love with it.. wanna know more and how to play it actually.. but maybe this cud just be something like a hobby.. not a career that i can do for the rest of my life.. Haiz..

Sian lah!! MONEY MONEY MONEY!! Everything also MONEY!!!

MONEY till siao liao lah..... frigging hell..!!!

How i wish to sing the song Price Tag...

Its not about the money money money.. we dun need ur money money money.. we just wanna make the world dance.. forget abt the price tag!!

If only everything is this world doesn't come with a price tag.. everything is free!! Education is free.. eating is free.. enjoyment is free!! Wouldn't it be so fucking perfect??

If only..... damnnnnn.

| 0 comments |

Thoughts and feelings

at 12:23 PM
Heyas, im back to blog again! Yeah.. oh wells, haven been blogging for quite some time too..

So, i just had my wisdom tooth plucked on the left side.. operation was smooth and successful.. Thank goodness!! But there's still a bit of pain whenever i open my mouth wide.. and the stitches inside is quite irritating and i keep thinking if they will break or not.. So dun dare to touch it..

Meanwhile, am now resting at home for recovery.. haiz, finally get to rest!! Have been working like a dog the past few wks..especially during that BIG exercise which requires us to OT.. i just feel like im going to faint anytime.. Got once i even got splitting headache cos my MSG too kan chiong already throw all his kc-ness to me.. i become kc and go siao also.. haiz..

And yes, we gotta stay in now!! BOO!! Sad sia... no more stay out le.. machiam like BMT recruit life sia.. sian.. first day of stay in alr sucks.. As i changed bunk the day before, ppl were wondering why i keep changing bunks.. in the end they got an idea and spread to the rest.. now everyone noe why i change.. but actually wad they think is not true at all.. but i dun wanna tell them the truth so i just said yes to their answer.. anws, soon it will get over..

First night of stay-in, i was in a new bunk with new faces.. pretty much the OJEs.. and i was sleeping next to this oje.. by right, we all turn the fan to the max.. and then at night i feel very cold like shivering ttm.. i wanted to turn the fan down a little but then this oje tell me he very hot ask me not to close.. so sian lor.. btw, his body is quite "big" lah.. so u shud noe.. fats.. thats why he dun feel cold.. but i feel very cold lor!! End up i wear coverall to sleep to keep myself warm..

Now i thinking if i go back again, i will def not slp next to him liao.. cos his fan turn so strong.. make me very cold.. i think i will go to the next bed at least wun be so cold.. but then change here change there also very mafan.. sian..

I rly hate stay in man!! Now my relationships with my platoon mates all not so good.. dunno why they treat me so bad.. i just feel damn sad.. dunno wad i do to deserve all this.. am so nice to them but they treat me so bad.. Looks like it doesn't pay to be a nice guy at all.. ppl will only take advantage of u if ur too nice..

Haiz.. dun wan to continue this sad story already lah.. gonna enjoy my few days of stay out life at home ttm before i go back!!

And.. i hope time faster pass man!! 3 more months left to ORD!! Why does it feel so long???

I wan faster ORD!!!! GO GO GO!!!!

| 0 comments |

Sunday blues

Sunday, March 20, 2011 at 7:08 PM
Its Sunday again!! Drats!! I hate it manz.. cos tmr will be back to camp again.

First, let's not talk abt those camp stuff first.. Maybe i shud say wad i did during the weekend..

Actually, wkends are like friday night till sunday.. but most of the time i only spend 1 day outside, thats saturday. Its usually just a chill out day with frens or just a normal day out shopping yep and thats it.. nth special. Anyways, ytd went to SJPS for a while and saw it was so happening in there! Dragonfly is like damn cool.. omg im so gonna go back there again!! But then, come to it.. im not much of a clubber.. just feel that i dun blend in with the environment at all.. Although the songs might be catchy and atmosphere very high.. i just can't move with the beat and totally be myself and just let loose all.. i feel so restricted.. maybe im too closed up already..

The same goes for me in camp. Perhaps due to my closed up and reserved-ness.. i appear to be a very cold n unsociable person in camp.. Nobody likes to talk to me.. i felt damn lonely and anti-social ttm.. Is it cos i dun have a gd sense of humour?? I rly dunno how to joke abt things or to make funny or light hearted conversations with ppl.. All i do is be very serious tats y they think im a very serious person.. I rly dunno how to strike a convo with those "new" guys in my pln at all.. felt so helpless.. Blame it on the fact that i dun open up myself too much to them thats y.. Now i just feel more and more left out in the pln.. machiam like odd one out.. Just wanna faster ord and get out of this hellish place..

Damnn.. these 2 years of ns life seems so long... Even now that im out of my injury, i still have to serve another half a year more then can finally ord.. Really hate it sia.. These 2 years.. i hate it so much so much.. Really a waste of my time!!! Maybe if i dun have these 2 yrs.. i cud just further my studies after poly or go to work.. and then i wouldn't be in this pile of mess..

Now, there;s an exercise gg on in our battalion too.. so we must all OT until late at night like 10pm.. super shitty man... can't wait for it to end.. i wonder if tmr need to stay in or not.. i rly dunno wad time we'll OT until tmr.. Sucks!

K lah, enough of all this shitty-ness.. life is always full of shit....

Ending off with a big pile of SHIT..

BBYE...

| 0 comments |

Mid March

Sunday, March 13, 2011 at 6:45 PM
Oookay.. now its mid March already.. but sigh!! Still a long while from ord.. zz

Those april batch ord one are the best.. dun have to stay in that much.. as coming April we all have to stay in already.. stupid man!! Sucks!!

And dunno why suddenly got this major exercise that requires us to stay until 10pm for every mon tues and wed of each week.. sian lor.. that means an early stay in for me!! SUCKS MAN!!

March is a sucky month!! Everything bad and suay comes in March.. this stupid exercise thingy.. ICT and bla bla.. it really sucks lah!!

Now i feel even more and more distant from my pln mates.. dunno wad to say to them when i see them.. but i hate it when some of them try to "disturb" me or "aim" at me.. when i didnt even do anything wrong.. Is it cos i look nice and easy to bully so they do this to me?? What do i gain from being such a nice person afterall?? Being nice is no longer good anymore..

But anw, those whom dun like me are gg to ord soon.. so just quickly f off from this place then i still have one who dun see me eye to eye he gg to ord later than me.. but anw he gg to taiwan soon and will be back in june maybe? So hopefully dun have to see him anymore..

Now the thing is.. i noe stay in is gg to be really sucky.. with my pln mates and bunk mates.. i wonder wad i must do to bond with them closer..

It sucks not to have a fren at all in camp.. u just feel so lonely and alone by urself.. thats me.. i dun feel connected to my pln at all.. there's no togetherness.. and i hate it!!

Some ppl can joke but i can't.. im just so cold and stiff without any sense of humour at all.. why am i born this way..??

Shant say anymore.. will end here bb.. Tmr stay in lo!! SUCKS!! 3 Days!! Grrr...

| 0 comments |

F-ed up life!!

Friday, February 25, 2011 at 4:55 PM
Haven been updating for a while.. just feel like "venting" out some of my anger here..

To many who think now that im already a clerk is a gd life.. seriously its HELL NO!! I've nv led a gd life all the way since im back till now.. To make things simpler, i wasn't chosen to be a clerk.. its cos of my injury that i was forced to be one. If i was chosen by them willingly, at least things wont be so bad.. Currently, almost everybody in my pln has that thinking that i just came back from a "long holiday".. that i am enjoying that 5-6 mths of mc at home and so now im not given anymore privileges of getting those time-off lobangs like attend courses, talks or wadsoever.. its so maddening lor!!

To them, they just think.. im enjoying happily at home.. but do they noe the pain and sufferings i have to go thru?? The feeling of using crutches to walk and not able to walk properly?? The inconveniences i have to put up with and so on... they dun even noe, yet they just straightaway conclude that i have a gd long mc stay at home.. and that leads to a misconception that i "keng-ed" to have this accident so i can stay at home.. so all they say is "CK CK CK.." Its very frustrating to hear when its not the truth at all.. This accident was completely unexpected.. i din noe its gg to happen to me at all!! So i seriously did not CK at all.. but haiz.. their mindsets are like that lah.. can't be helped..

Although im a clerk doesn't mean i have nth to do.. office jobs are not that easy too.. furthermore, i nd to handle both admin and ES side.. the ES already very frustrating enough.. still got admin to handle.. im seriously having a headache!! Yet no one seems to bother and care abt the pain that im gg thru..

I really feel like im not myself at all in camp.. im just a lowly person who can get trampled on by others easily.. i dun even have any status at all in camp.. Wadever i say or do will just become a joke infront of others.. Its rly very hurting to hear those words and humiliation that came out from those ppl's mouth.. but i can't seem to fight back either.. im just too useless..

Ytd, a lot of shits just happened.. First, they say i didn't keep my staff sgt's card properly after using that cos i tot others wan to use so i put there and nv keep it so when he found out abt it, he was crossed and took the card n lock it.. but my upperstudy made it seem like its my fault tat i din keep the card properly.. Talking abt my upperstudy, i used to think he's a nice guy but now not anymore.. he's just a "bus3rd" who goes along with the flow and think im a CK-ster and always wan to find ways to keng.. he's just trying to be nice to me infront of others but deep down, he doesnt like me at all i noe.. from the way he spoke to me i can tell already but anw he's gg to ord soon.. so i just hope i no nd see him anymore..

And then, there's this fren of mine.. last time used to be a nice fren.. now just promoted to 3sg becoming more and more arrogant and like to use his authority on those who he thinks are easy to be targeted.. like me.. He always likes to find trouble with me by picking on me.. almost everything i do seems wrong to him and he always finds every little opportunity to get me.. making my life hell.. fucking hell!! In wad way did i offend him?? WHy must he do this to me!!? And he's also a christian.. thats even more fucking bad!! Not all christians are gd i guess.. Character is still the most important thing.. so wad if u are a christan but ur character is like a rotten apple??

I can go on and on but the list wun stop.. too many bad things that happened.. Now i really feel like gg back to the days where im on mc.. at least i dun have to care a single shit abt work.. no stress at all!! I really wanna go back man.. but then, i also wan faster ord so i can get out of this hell and shithole..

Am just thinking about posting out to a diff camp if possible cos there's this guy in my camp tat i noe of who's suffering from depression and is rly treated very badly by ppl.. at least he'll be gg to mmi and soon get posted out.. but me?? continue to get treated like fuck in the camp where no one even care a single hoot abt me..

Should i also write letter to mmi stating i wanna post out.. or continue in this living hell?? Still got like few more months before i ord.. long long way to go.. damn it!!

I rly hate life man!!

| 0 comments |

Nervous ttm!

Monday, January 10, 2011 at 12:41 PM
Words can't express how nervous i am now.. felt like there were trillions and zillions of butterflies in my stomach. Super anxious and nervous to the max.. cos i'll be gg to see the doctor later! Wonder what's the outcome? I got this hunch that i might be called to go back to serve e nation but then in my the other mind, i hope i can still get a further extension.. im so lost right now.. But then if the doctor say no, means i'll have to go back tmr.. can't imagine man.. am still not prepared yet.. dunno wad is gg to happen at all.. now i totally have no mood and no feeling.. just like a dead man.. Hoping someone would come and give me words of advice but sigh, who can i find? There's no one out there who knows my pain, worries and sorrows.. I might appear to be a happy person but actually i am not. Im sad, miserable and feeling low deep down inside.. but i dun wanna say out only.. everytime try to suppress my feelings and emotions and pretending to be a happy person outside.. i really dun like this at all..

Anyway.. will be lifeless from now till i see the doctor later.. heart beats to the maximum!! Ohh..and im also having a flu now.. damm.. why! I hate mondays.. mondays sucks to the core.. monday blues.. i dun wish to think abt anything else.. just hope i can still get an extension for a few days or more.. plsssss.. my heart is so unsettled now.. and my mind in a trance.. feel like killing myself right now.. oops.

| 0 comments |

A new year... 2011!

Saturday, January 1, 2011 at 1:27 AM
YO!! A new year..2011!! Still can't believe so fast its over..! Feels like screaming and yelling n shouting!! Which i did just now.. lol.. just can't resist the new year mood.. heard many ppl screaming below too.. lol.. everybody is just so high!!

Well, this year is different from last year n previous years.. cos i stayed at home! Every year i will always be out to celebrate the countdown.. but this year had to stay home and watch tv countdown.. well u noe.. anyway, 2010 has been both a good and bad year for me. It is bad for me as i experienced lots of shit from the ah mee esp in my unit.. and also a little bit during the driving course i had with my di.. and also, the sorta bad thing is.. i had a bad fall which caused me to have this injury and to stay at home for abt 5 months plus, which is sorta a "blessing in disguise" to me as i could have a long break, so thats the "good" thing. But anyway, its still bad.. cos it'll take some time for me to recover back to normal state and to walk like before.

I guess there's nothing for me to remember for 2010 though.. not any significant thing that i know of.. so its good that its finally come to an end.. SO now.. 2011!! The year i've been waiting..cos its my ORD year!! Finally!! But still got abt 6 mths plus.. which is still quite long.. aww.. can't wait to get over it soon!!

Now, let's get a little emotional lols.. Well im having mixed feelings actually cos today or rather in a few hours later my mum and sis will be leaving to taiwan.. I really feel like going too! Anyway, i will miss my mum though cos she's been always there for me and took care of me.. im kinda used to relying on her now.. yup. So without her, i'll have to do things on my own and such.. Plus, with just my dad and i, things are a little awkward as im not that close to my dad as compared to my mum.. so i just dunno how to live thru those days with just him and me. But anyway, i will still have to go thru them, so yeah. Though i find my mum a bit naggy at times and wished she wouldn't be ard for a while.. but now that she's going to be away for a week or so.. i kinda missed her presence.. no wonder the phrase, "Absence makes the heart fonder" is so true..

When they come back, its gonna be the end of my mc soon and perhaps i'll have to get back to work again.. but i rly dunno how or wad to do shud i go back, cos given my condition now though i can walk, i can't walk that fast or like normal pace, and gg up and down the stairs is quite a task for me as i can't step with one leg and the other leg on the next step.. i'll have to bring my leg up on the same step for me before i can do it for the other.. lol sounds a bit confusing nvm.. so im just wondering if im to climb the stairs in my camp.. how long will it take.. and also talking abt walking since i can't walk normal pace.. it will take quite sometime for me to walk from the main building of my company to the cookhouse..wonder if that lunch break hour would be enuf for me or not.. so many things to frustrate and think about.. yet i can't do anything abt it.. cos the decision lies in the doctor's hands.. if he decides im ok, then i'll have to go back.. otherwise i'll still be on mc..

SO yeah.. thats the reasons why im having mixed feelings now.. hopefully my leg can quickly recover back to the normal state so i can walk normal pace, run, jump or even squat which i can't do all these for now.. And hope that i can ord soon too.. and that i can go on a vacation to celebrate my ord!!

OK.. i guess i will stop here for now.. HAPPY NEW YEAR to all who's reading this!! May the new year brings hope, peace, love, joy and warmth to everyone.. KK, peace out!!

| 0 comments |

Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)