Winzzy's World Of Thoughts

Its Sunday again!! Drats!! I hate it manz.. cos tmr will be back to camp again.

Oookay.. now its mid March already.. but sigh!! Still a long while from ord.. zz

Those april batch ord one are the best.. dun have to stay in that much.. as coming April we all have to stay in already.. stupid man!! Sucks!!

And dunno why suddenly got this major exercise that requires us to stay until 10pm for every mon tues and wed of each week.. sian lor.. that means an early stay in for me!! SUCKS MAN!!

March is a sucky month!! Everything bad and suay comes in March.. this stupid exercise thingy.. ICT and bla bla.. it really sucks lah!!

Now i feel even more and more distant from my pln mates.. dunno wad to say to them when i see them.. but i hate it when some of them try to "disturb" me or "aim" at me.. when i didnt even do anything wrong.. Is it cos i look nice and easy to bully so they do this to me?? What do i gain from being such a nice person afterall?? Being nice is no longer good anymore..

But anw, those whom dun like me are gg to ord soon.. so just quickly f off from this place then i still have one who dun see me eye to eye he gg to ord later than me.. but anw he gg to taiwan soon and will be back in june maybe? So hopefully dun have to see him anymore..

Now the thing is.. i noe stay in is gg to be really sucky.. with my pln mates and bunk mates.. i wonder wad i must do to bond with them closer..

It sucks not to have a fren at all in camp.. u just feel so lonely and alone by urself.. thats me.. i dun feel connected to my pln at all.. there's no togetherness.. and i hate it!!

Some ppl can joke but i can't.. im just so cold and stiff without any sense of humour at all.. why am i born this way..??

Shant say anymore.. will end here bb.. Tmr stay in lo!! SUCKS!! 3 Days!! Grrr...

Haven been updating for a while.. just feel like "venting" out some of my anger here..

To many who think now that im already a clerk is a gd life.. seriously its HELL NO!! I've nv led a gd life all the way since im back till now.. To make things simpler, i wasn't chosen to be a clerk.. its cos of my injury that i was forced to be one. If i was chosen by them willingly, at least things wont be so bad.. Currently, almost everybody in my pln has that thinking that i just came back from a "long holiday".. that i am enjoying that 5-6 mths of mc at home and so now im not given anymore privileges of getting those time-off lobangs like attend courses, talks or wadsoever.. its so maddening lor!!

To them, they just think.. im enjoying happily at home.. but do they noe the pain and sufferings i have to go thru?? The feeling of using crutches to walk and not able to walk properly?? The inconveniences i have to put up with and so on... they dun even noe, yet they just straightaway conclude that i have a gd long mc stay at home.. and that leads to a misconception that i "keng-ed" to have this accident so i can stay at home.. so all they say is "CK CK CK.." Its very frustrating to hear when its not the truth at all.. This accident was completely unexpected.. i din noe its gg to happen to me at all!! So i seriously did not CK at all.. but haiz.. their mindsets are like that lah.. can't be helped..

Although im a clerk doesn't mean i have nth to do.. office jobs are not that easy too.. furthermore, i nd to handle both admin and ES side.. the ES already very frustrating enough.. still got admin to handle.. im seriously having a headache!! Yet no one seems to bother and care abt the pain that im gg thru..

I really feel like im not myself at all in camp.. im just a lowly person who can get trampled on by others easily.. i dun even have any status at all in camp.. Wadever i say or do will just become a joke infront of others.. Its rly very hurting to hear those words and humiliation that came out from those ppl's mouth.. but i can't seem to fight back either.. im just too useless..

Ytd, a lot of shits just happened.. First, they say i didn't keep my staff sgt's card properly after using that cos i tot others wan to use so i put there and nv keep it so when he found out abt it, he was crossed and took the card n lock it.. but my upperstudy made it seem like its my fault tat i din keep the card properly.. Talking abt my upperstudy, i used to think he's a nice guy but now not anymore.. he's just a "bus3rd" who goes along with the flow and think im a CK-ster and always wan to find ways to keng.. he's just trying to be nice to me infront of others but deep down, he doesnt like me at all i noe.. from the way he spoke to me i can tell already but anw he's gg to ord soon.. so i just hope i no nd see him anymore..

And then, there's this fren of mine.. last time used to be a nice fren.. now just promoted to 3sg becoming more and more arrogant and like to use his authority on those who he thinks are easy to be targeted.. like me.. He always likes to find trouble with me by picking on me.. almost everything i do seems wrong to him and he always finds every little opportunity to get me.. making my life hell.. fucking hell!! In wad way did i offend him?? WHy must he do this to me!!? And he's also a christian.. thats even more fucking bad!! Not all christians are gd i guess.. Character is still the most important thing.. so wad if u are a christan but ur character is like a rotten apple??

I can go on and on but the list wun stop.. too many bad things that happened.. Now i really feel like gg back to the days where im on mc.. at least i dun have to care a single shit abt work.. no stress at all!! I really wanna go back man.. but then, i also wan faster ord so i can get out of this hell and shithole..

Am just thinking about posting out to a diff camp if possible cos there's this guy in my camp tat i noe of who's suffering from depression and is rly treated very badly by ppl.. at least he'll be gg to mmi and soon get posted out.. but me?? continue to get treated like fuck in the camp where no one even care a single hoot abt me..

Should i also write letter to mmi stating i wanna post out.. or continue in this living hell?? Still got like few more months before i ord.. long long way to go.. damn it!!

I rly hate life man!!

Words can't express how nervous i am now.. felt like there were trillions and zillions of butterflies in my stomach. Super anxious and nervous to the max.. cos i'll be gg to see the doctor later! Wonder what's the outcome? I got this hunch that i might be called to go back to serve e nation but then in my the other mind, i hope i can still get a further extension.. im so lost right now.. But then if the doctor say no, means i'll have to go back tmr.. can't imagine man.. am still not prepared yet.. dunno wad is gg to happen at all.. now i totally have no mood and no feeling.. just like a dead man.. Hoping someone would come and give me words of advice but sigh, who can i find? There's no one out there who knows my pain, worries and sorrows.. I might appear to be a happy person but actually i am not. Im sad, miserable and feeling low deep down inside.. but i dun wanna say out only.. everytime try to suppress my feelings and emotions and pretending to be a happy person outside.. i really dun like this at all..

Anyway.. will be lifeless from now till i see the doctor later.. heart beats to the maximum!! Ohh..and im also having a flu now.. damm.. why! I hate mondays.. mondays sucks to the core.. monday blues.. i dun wish to think abt anything else.. just hope i can still get an extension for a few days or more.. plsssss.. my heart is so unsettled now.. and my mind in a trance.. feel like killing myself right now.. oops.

YO!! A new year..2011!! Still can't believe so fast its over..! Feels like screaming and yelling n shouting!! Which i did just now.. lol.. just can't resist the new year mood.. heard many ppl screaming below too.. lol.. everybody is just so high!!

Well, this year is different from last year n previous years.. cos i stayed at home! Every year i will always be out to celebrate the countdown.. but this year had to stay home and watch tv countdown.. well u noe.. anyway, 2010 has been both a good and bad year for me. It is bad for me as i experienced lots of shit from the ah mee esp in my unit.. and also a little bit during the driving course i had with my di.. and also, the sorta bad thing is.. i had a bad fall which caused me to have this injury and to stay at home for abt 5 months plus, which is sorta a "blessing in disguise" to me as i could have a long break, so thats the "good" thing. But anyway, its still bad.. cos it'll take some time for me to recover back to normal state and to walk like before.

I guess there's nothing for me to remember for 2010 though.. not any significant thing that i know of.. so its good that its finally come to an end.. SO now.. 2011!! The year i've been waiting..cos its my ORD year!! Finally!! But still got abt 6 mths plus.. which is still quite long.. aww.. can't wait to get over it soon!!

Now, let's get a little emotional lols.. Well im having mixed feelings actually cos today or rather in a few hours later my mum and sis will be leaving to taiwan.. I really feel like going too! Anyway, i will miss my mum though cos she's been always there for me and took care of me.. im kinda used to relying on her now.. yup. So without her, i'll have to do things on my own and such.. Plus, with just my dad and i, things are a little awkward as im not that close to my dad as compared to my mum.. so i just dunno how to live thru those days with just him and me. But anyway, i will still have to go thru them, so yeah. Though i find my mum a bit naggy at times and wished she wouldn't be ard for a while.. but now that she's going to be away for a week or so.. i kinda missed her presence.. no wonder the phrase, "Absence makes the heart fonder" is so true..

When they come back, its gonna be the end of my mc soon and perhaps i'll have to get back to work again.. but i rly dunno how or wad to do shud i go back, cos given my condition now though i can walk, i can't walk that fast or like normal pace, and gg up and down the stairs is quite a task for me as i can't step with one leg and the other leg on the next step.. i'll have to bring my leg up on the same step for me before i can do it for the other.. lol sounds a bit confusing nvm.. so im just wondering if im to climb the stairs in my camp.. how long will it take.. and also talking abt walking since i can't walk normal pace.. it will take quite sometime for me to walk from the main building of my company to the cookhouse..wonder if that lunch break hour would be enuf for me or not.. so many things to frustrate and think about.. yet i can't do anything abt it.. cos the decision lies in the doctor's hands.. if he decides im ok, then i'll have to go back.. otherwise i'll still be on mc..

SO yeah.. thats the reasons why im having mixed feelings now.. hopefully my leg can quickly recover back to the normal state so i can walk normal pace, run, jump or even squat which i can't do all these for now.. And hope that i can ord soon too.. and that i can go on a vacation to celebrate my ord!!

OK.. i guess i will stop here for now.. HAPPY NEW YEAR to all who's reading this!! May the new year brings hope, peace, love, joy and warmth to everyone.. KK, peace out!!

Wow!! Its been so long... now is December already!! My gosh!! Time sure flies! Looking back, it was still July since i had the incident until now.. Have kinda "rested" for quite long too.. Gotta prepare to go back soon.. Still left like few more mths before ord.. so yeah.. but dunno wad life will be when i go back.. sure got many things change.. its been like so long since i stepped in there again.. Dunno if i'll be going back to repair my tanks again anot? Haha.. anyway, i dun think i can too given my condition.. hopefully can settle for some clerical job bah.. Hmms.. If time cud go back, i wud not want to have this incident at all.. But.. wads happened is happened.. can't turn back time.. Maybe God wanted to let me have this nice long break thats y he planned it all.. Hmms.. okok..

Well, its been like 5 mths now.. and my condition is getting better already. But still can't walk properly yet.. and also can't walk so fast.. Wonder when will i be able to walk like normal again? Hmm.. ok la, still learning how to walk now.. going for physio sessions.. Anyways, even when i recover back le, i'll become like an "endangered specie".. can't afford to fall down anymore again.. If fall down again and bone break, dunno if can repair again or not.. so now must be more careful when i walk le.. Feel so "endangered" lor.. haiz.. Need to pay extra caution when i walk in future.. Hmm.. maybe my bones are brittle thats y.. break so easily.. lol.. haiz.. And also, there's a small little chance i might get the avascular necrosis.. which is a side-effect of the post hip surgery.. oh man so many worries..

Ok lah.. dun think so much le.. but still can't help imagining the worst.. ok, shudn't think anymore le.. forget abt it.. i will walk like normal and lead a normal life again.. !! Alrights..

Well.. now just feeling a bit "restricted" due to the fact im serving the country.. so can't go anywhere i like lol.. felt so "freedom-less" man.. haiz.. lols ok.. enuf of haiz le.. haix.. lol.. kiddingz.. i am very restricted now.. can't go anywhere except to stay at home face the four walls and the ceiling.. really bored ttm!! ZZZ..

Now still left about 7 more mths before i ord.. thinking back, from the day i enlisted until now.. there's time where i go thru many sufferings.. there's also time where i kinda enjoyed it.. Those hard times during BMT leave a scar on me.. i still rmb how the "treatments" i received from some of my bunk mates.. and the tranings.. field camp and so on.. finally POP.. was so happy to get out of it.. Then i got into oeti where life seem a bit much better for me.. Over there, just learn and learn only.. but got to get used to the extreme late hours of bkout timing.. everyday everyone will bkout at 5.30pm sharp whereas for us, we always bkout the latest.. but well, got used to it.. moreover, we all suffered as a team together..so the bonding was there.. Finally the day came where we got our posting.. Was quite sad when i knew abt mine.. as i wud be separated from my fren as he gg another unit different from mine.

The hellish day eventually came when i report to unit for work.. Life there was really hell!! And some of the ppl there also.. this FUS (fk-ed up sgt) of mine really made my life hell.. and my section also the worst out of all.. Everyday work and work like mad.. until so late.. then go back.. Go back also like no energy le.. next day still must report back for work again.. And then.. LAB, ICT.. all the major exercises came and we have to work even more crazier.. OT like almost everyday.. have to face shit everyday.. super shiong and chiong lah.. A lot of hiccups n conflicts between me and that fus of mine n some of the seniors.. Really hellish.. Finally got a "break".. which was the driving course that i was selected to go for..

Felt damn lucky that i was selected!! But.. at first.. i din feel like going cos im gonna stay in and can't bkout everyday.. and also the mental stress i hav to go thru.. But aft thinking thru, i think maybe it wud be a gd chance for me to learn driving and gain some knowledge and skills too.. So i decided to go for it. Life there was like a routine. Everyday wake up, eat breakfast, wait for bus to go kbc, learn driving, come back, sleep.. lol everyday almost the same. Trainings were the worst man.. hell times for me.. as i got this super fierce and strict instructor who always scold and scold during my driving.. suddenly i feel driving is no longer that fun as i tot.. must observe so many things.. can be quite dangerous if u do not drive properly.. But anyway, i still persevered on until the end.. finally the day came for us to take our final test!! I failed the first 3 tests.. and finally passed on the 4th try!! So happy when i passed man!! Finally got my driving license.. woo!! Felt like i've accomplished something in my life.. so was damn happy!!

But life in driving course also not that smooth for me.. Besides all the driving and all.. the ppl there i met are like.. some gd some bad.. but on average, most are still quite gd lah.. just that i felt rather lonely in there. Maybe i just can't click well with the ppl there and my bunk mates. Towards the end of the course, there were a few hiccups between me and some of my bunk mates which led to a conflict among us.. Until now, it still hasn't been resolved yet, but well.. its over already and wads happened is happened already.. So dun wanna think abt it anymore.. Wadever that has happened.. just let it be and leave all the bad memories in there..

After driving course, finally back to unit again.. but then still on that "trying to adapt back" attitude again.. as been abt 2 mths nv go back.. and i also requested to change section and just when everything was going fine as i tot.. then this incident occurred which landed me into where i am today.. Yeah.. but well its all happened so just accept it lor..

Wow!! Felt like i just did a recap of my whole ns life!! Yeah.. but there's still a few more mths to go before i ord.. Can't wait to ord man!! After ord.. still nd to think abt so many things.. study or work.. so many things to plan for future.. wow!! Ok lah.. shall end here now.. bye..

Wow, its november already. Here's some updates.. but first, there's sth i wanna rant about.. and that's my laptop! Yeah, i think its kinda dying on me already. First, the screen keep flickering non-stop, and now.. the charger got problem! DANG!!~ Rmb i said the charger which i put the black tape on? At first it does work, but after a while, it doesn't seem to work already.. i have to pull and push the wire at a desired postion to make sure the charging light lights up.. man its so troublesome! Too bad my warranty's over, can't get a free replacement charger. :( Oh wells.. just see if it got sold outside or not.. but it'll be a while before i could step outside though. So, just gotta try and tahan with this for a while. I think my lappy's really dying liao.. can't wait to get a new one.. but.. no $$!! :(( Thinking abt the fact my dad bought my sis her new laptop makes me go green.. i noe he wun buy for me one lah.. haiz.. will have to make do with this old lappy of mine until i have enuf $$ to buy a new one. :X