Winzzy's World Of Thoughts

Becos humans are all "feel-able" creatures.. we do have feelings.. everyone has. I just can't control myself at times.. but to switch to that emotional side of me again. I really dunno why.. things have changed, people have changed, everyone have changed. They are not the same anymore.. Perhaps its just hard to maintain a long term friendship when ur not even close to someone in the first place.

All this while, i have been living in hurts and hurts.. from sec sch to poly to even now.. army.. but all these hurts does not come from whatever sources.. they come from people. People whom i met all throughout in my life.. i dun wish to recall them anymore.. those were the unhappy experiences.

So now, wad am i gg to say? I felt like im in that same "situation" whereby im beginning to lose trust in ppl again.. that kind of helpless feeling.. insecurity that followed me since.. Maybe its becos i dunno how to conversate with ppl? I dun seem to click with any of them? Perhaps im just a un-sociable and nv-will-get-along-with-anyone kind of person.

Felt like going to another world.. another place out there and start a new life on my own. Perhaps i will live like that in solace forever..

I went to download a song that is about 8mb on my phone.. and spent abt 10-15 mins using the internet. Then when i went online on my com to check the charges.. it was 0.01 cents/2kb.. after i checked my usage on the internet.. it was 10.61mb.. so after i did my calculations.. to my horror!! It was 54.34!! Thats the price that i have to pay! OMG.. its horrendous!! Not convinced, i called the singtel customer care hotline and then it was confirmed.. its true!! OMG!! I didnt noe about such thing at first.. i tot it wun costs that much to surf the internet on the phone.. cos like in previous years.. i did surf and the amt was never more than 10 bucks! But this time, i used only abt 10mb.. and it amounts to $54!! OMGOSH!! I was really aghast.. but too bad the singtel staff can;t do anything abt it.. so means i had to pay for my ignorance and foolishness..

Felt damn stupid and heartbroken.. to spend $54 just over one song which i could get it from the internet using my com and transfer to my phone.. i guess im just too "rich".. like to throw my $$ away.. lol.. no of coz not!! This was done in a "unconscious" state of mind.. but wads done is done.. no pt crying over spilt milk now.. just felt bad cos my dad always say money is hard to earn.. yet i just spend it away like that.. !! Over a song!! I really deserve a good scolding from my dad for it.. for not internalising the phrase into my head.. Whenever i think abt the money he makes are those which are gained from his hardwork.. "blood sweat money".. it really pains me that why am i spending all the "blood sweat money" that my dad earned so hard like water..

I guess i only have myself to blame for this matter... A heavy price for a lesson learnt.. Next time better not use my phone to surf net anymore.. maybe just use wifi..

The explanation:

Like the sky will not forever be blue always.. On cloudy days you will look up.. (Just like happiness will not last forever, there's also the unhappy times that i will have to go thru and face up to it)

Passing by so many villages.. Laughed and cried.. A few people loved me (After going through the many ups and downs in life, i realised only a few truly cared for me)

i want a clock with its numbers jumbled up.. i want to be a person that is opposite of me.. (How i wish time would just stop at that moment where im truly feeing happy and blessed.. where i can be totally carefree.. the opposite of me.. carefree side of me..)

i work so hard in this world for what.. making myself so tired (What am i working so hard for? Do i get any reward from this? No i dun.. i only make myself more and more tired..)

i have a pair of ears that don't listen to orders.. to enjoy the happiness and freedom in me.. (How i wish i dun have to listen to all those unhappy stuff that i dun wan to hear and think about those unhappy things in life.. just continue to enjoy the freedom and happiness that is in me)

i want to become a transparent rock.. i wont move and wont feel any pain (I just want to become "transparent" to the world, dun wish to care about anything so i wont get hurt)

like a tyre used for so long until it has no more air left.. forgive me as i wanna disappear for weeks (I dun think i have anymore "stamina" to go on already.. i just wish to take a break from all these "chaos")

everybody is walking on their own good chosen path.. truthfully speaking i wanna call for help.. (Seeing everyone is so successful in their lives, i can't help feeling envious about them.. and i wanna be like them too.. become successful... but just dunno who to turn to for help..)

And well, of coz.. its the former rather than the latter.. which is my mc will be extended.... for another 2 mths. GOsh! So long right! On one hand, yes im glad that i have another extension, but the other hand, i also feel sad cos i can't go out, have to stay home for another 2 more mths, which is hell load boring! Omy omy.. why why why.. did i end up like this? Prob God saw me toiling for abt 1 yr for ns, so he wanted me to have a gd rest.. but.. well.. i just hope i can get well soon.. I would rly love to go out n see the world again.. Oh and btw, that doctor who attended to me is a different one from the last time.. he's sort of strict and keeps telling me not to put my leg on the floor which i did the last time as i tot i was abt to recover.. well, i dunno what to do, who to listen.. is it the prev doctor who said i can put my leg on the floor or isit this one?? Haiz..

I guess this "transition period" is sort of an eye-opener to me too.. like i realised many things throughout this period when i was home-ridden. The phrase, "a friend in need is a friend indeed" truly comes alive.. Saying is easy, but doing is difficult. When a friend is really in need, do we really go and help him/her? It lets me see what kind of friends i have.. the true ones, the goody-goody ones, or the casual hi bye ones.. Truly, how far a person will go to care for a person depends on his own genuine love and care for the person. If a person truly cares for another person, he will no matter wad extend and reach out to him for the furthest he can go. So it all boils down to that thought and concern, whether is it genuine or not. Saying can be easy.. saying "i care for u in my heart".. yes its so easy anybody can say it.. but what about doing it?? Its a different thing altogether.. I guess, this is all about our self thinking and perception.. whether we really perceive that him/her as a true fren or not.

Ppl say, making friends is easy.. but maintaining them is difficult.. Really, it takes a lot of time and effort to nurture and maintain the friendship. Sometimes, some friendships might just fade away and new ones might be formed again and again.. So yup, thats about friendship.