Winzzy's World Of Thoughts

Looks like i have succeeded in "forcing" myself to do a weekly entry about my driving course yeah!! As i felt it was a good "experience" and such opportunity like learning how to drive doesn't come by so easily.. so i must pen down everything that happened and my thoughts throughout in the driving course.

In conclusion, well im grateful that i got the chance to learn to drive, after my dad and my mum been harping me on whether im keen to learn driving and ask me to take the highway code test.. (i often mistook it as highway court.. lols). I did have plans on learning to drive but that was probably after i ORD or in the future.. as i didnt have time to do these things while im still serving my time in ns. But, so lucky i was granted this opportunity to learn driving.. while im still in ns!! So yeah, i was (a bit reluctant at first due to course stay-in and stuffs).. but in the end still went for it.. and i think overall it was a great experience, despite all the harsh scoldings, people i met and all.. i can just say its a "learning journey" for me and i also experience many things about people and all..

So now, im going to continue from where i left off last week....

Well, i failed my FIRST TP! :( Sadly.. But the tester aint that good anyways.. haha.. somehow, we always blame the testers, ok duh. So after having clocked 200mins and 50km, i went for my second TP.. and guess wad?? I failed again! :(( Reason? Not rly the tester's fault although i got a rather strict one.. its becos this time, i committed a MAJOR fault and got 16 demerit pts.. as a major fault means immed fail.. hence a fail. And the reason was becos when the green arrow is flashing.. i shud have stopped! But what i did was.. i continued driving on.. so tester pull handbrake and i noe its.. GAME OVER!! =(

So wells.. waiting for my third attempt. Oh n btw, all the failures means i gotta re-clock the 200mins and 50km again! Dammn!! I hate it man! Can't imagine doing it with my DI.. but thats just a fact. I was with him for the re-clocking and just like any other lessons, he would F me upside down and all.. guess like he's given up hope on me.. haiz.. Oh and also, my bunk n unit mate, Ash also failed! (Lol, i sound happy eh?).. yeah thats becos i felt like having a company.. like somebody failing together with me.. although its not a good thing.. but at least i got some consolation knowing he failed.. but he is really a good driver i must say..

Now the next day, it was raining heavily. This was going to be my 3rd attempt already! GOSH!! And for the test, actually my DI has sort of hinted to me to take the test in the noon as the traffic is much lesser in the noon than in the day.. so i heede his advice all along.. but after failing for 2 times, and getting comments by some of them that said morning is actually not so bad.. afternoon got lunch break so its more packed and jammed.. it kind of psycho-ed me so i was thinking morning is better so yeah i decided to go for morning this time.. And guess wad?? I FAILED AGAIN!! =(( RAWR!! Reason? Partly becos it was raining heavily and also, i didn't drive that well as i thought i would.. perhaps lack of confidence.. so due to demerit pts again, i failed.. i still rmb how horrible the tester face was.. he gave me that look that im not up to it.. and sigh.. yes i admit im not up to it..

I got a call from my DI in the afternoon asking me whether im going for the test or not.. actually he at first tot i was going to take the noon test as he arranged for me.. but he didn't noe that i changed myself.. i took morning instead of noon.. so he was rather shocked and knowing i failed, he was even more angry.. and so no choice.. he gotta take me for re-clocking again.. This time, unlike most of the other re-clockings i done with him, he keep mum and just let me drive straight and all.. BUT BUT BUT.. this time he seemed to have a bit of hope in me.. machiam like 1% that kind.. he said, i actually can pass just that i need to be more aware in the traffic part.. thats wad he said to me last time.. he said my safety and control is gd, but traffic awareness is my weakness! And this time, he pointed out to me what are the mistakes i done wrong and corrected them on the spot.. After all that correction, i felt a sense of hope.. i felt relieved he still believe in me that i could do it so i told myself.. i must pass my 4th test as i dun wanna disappoint him and wanna prove to others that i can do it! So yeah.. go for my 4th test!!

This time, i took my FOURTH test!! 4 more times to go if i failed this one and i can say bye bye liao.. but no, i told myself.. i must succeed! Oh and btw, Ash passed during 3rd try.. so all in all i was even more upset.. but told myself not to give up.. so on to my 4th test.. this time i got a fairly good tester so i told myself i must do it!! As usual, the same thing i did for every other tests.. 3-point turn first then out to public.. and this time it was rather smooth except for one turning i turn quite sharp to the extent i almost hit the kerb.. oh gosh! I was panicky this time.. thinking i have hit the kerb and failed.. as the tester told me abt it.. But then i think.. maybe i still got hope so i try to perform well all the way towards the end.. and then when parking that time.. i was EXTREMELY NERVOUS!! Parking in the centre means game over.. parking in the other slots means im safe.. and so.. when the tester asked me to park at lot 40 sth.. THIS WAS IT!! OMG!! It was the SAFE slot!! So wells.. i was rather excited now.. and after having parked nicely and everything.. he then told me that just now i ALMOST HIT the kerb.. but i missed it by just 1cm.. machiam like the length of a thin layer of hair!! OMGGOODNESS!! I still can't believe it.. Of course.. happiness was written all over my face as i got off the vehicle and thank the tester.. I PASSED!! =)) At last!! I PASSED!! I GOT MY LICENSE!! WOOHOO~~~ It was a real delight!!! As there were still a handful who hasn't passed yet... so wells.. im lucky i passed..!!

Wow... looking back, i still rmb the whole duration of the test.. 45 mins! So long! And everything that happened..the whole scenario is still fresh in my mind.. But i must thank the tester partly cos he made me feel so comfortable as he was talking to me just like a friend! I felt good..therefore i perform well too! Nice tester he is really! I heard comments about him.. and i must really agree he's a nice but FAIR tester.. he said, if i had really hit the kerb, he would still fail me.. so i didn't and he passed me! So wells, this whole of my driving journey has come to an end. Not forgetting that day of my 4th test, my DI was sick so he couldn't make it.. actually at first i was asked to take the morning slot but as my DI has always said noon is the best.. so i stick to his advice and i fought for it.. becos this time my DI have no say on my test time.. so i fought for it myself.. the noon slot. Oh yes, after passing, was happy and all.. and thanked my DI thru an sms.. for guiding me and all, despite all his tough and harsh treatments. Maybe God is showing me that the process of working hard is not easy (harsh scoldings..etc) but the fruits of my labour will surely be sweet (Passing my TP is really sweet victory!!). Together with the determination and hardwork, one will eventually succeed.. which happens to me!

And, recently, i just got a conflict with Ash.. it lead to a cold war between me and him.. i dunno how its gg to turn out as we are all in the same camp and we'll see each other all the time.. Hmms..

Ok basically this was wad happened...

Still rmb the "Gong Tai Tai" thing?? Yes they keep on calling me that until it gets on my nerves already..but i din really bother much until that day... and it was on the same day i passed. First, they made comments that i passed by mere luck, cos they said my driving standards arent very gd, but i told them i passed thru my skills and tat i was a safe driver! They gave me that "smug" look which makes me kinda pissed.. nvm if they dun wanna believe.. i noe i passed by my own means can already..

But wad makes me more pissed is this.. they actually wanted to play a prank on me by locking the door while i was away.. So it turned out that Ash happened to go in, but he cud not as the door was locked.. and.. dunno y, but he go and used his body strength to push open the door, alas the door opened, but the door latch or lock dropped out.. and worse of all, they pushed the blame to me saying it was me who kicked the door and they told my IC abt it.

Then my IC go asked if i were the one who do it and i told him everything, the truth and all... After he learnt wad happened to me in the bunk, he went to my bunk and went to gave them a gd "lashing".. At tat pt of time, i felt great as i finally had my burdens lifted up.. But who noes, after my IC left, they were like not happy i go complain to my IC abt them, and they kinda like "shooting at me" but not openly.. just some murmur here and there.. So the next morning, they just nv talk to me.. i feel everything is no longer the same as before, perhaps they have already crossed over the line that i can't be frenly towards them anymore.. So, i requested to change bunk and thats when i moved over to another bunk and regained my peaceful stay for 1 night..

After this incident, Ash nv talked to me at all and treated me v coldly, cos he kept thinking im bad to tell my IC what they did to me.. i said i can't take it anymore so i told my IC.. he like show me attitude and dun wan to listen to me.. so now we just cold war and i dunno when its gg to end..

Ohya, before i RTU.. went for my last driving.. the islandwide confidence driving.. also called IWCD in short.. from KBC all the way to Changi Naval base!! My oh my.. the distance is damn long!! And going only 50km/h means it takes longer to reach.. and we gotta drive both landrover and 3-tonner.. but its sort of like a free-driving.. cos we have passed so we can drive like professionals now! Haha!! It was FUN!! The feeling is GREAT!! Without having to be treated like a trainee and endure those scoldings and all.. Its just great great GREAT!! FUN is the only word i can say for IWCD.. But tiring also.. haha.. as i drove on landrover twice.. going and come back.. so yeah.. all in all i drove for 3 times! Plus tonner.. supposed to drive 2 but we short of 1 person so thus i had to drive one more..

OKOK i noe kinda long-winded.. if u had really read thru all the way until the end.. i really APPLAUD U!! Haha.. cos its not easy... i too long-winded liaos.. haha.. maybe can write novel le.. Ok la.. RTU lo.. Going back to gedong!! Good or bad? Dunno.. we'll see...

BYE!

Let's cut things short. So this wk, had my TP.. and guess wad?? I failed. :( Yes, i failed.. :(!!! Arghhh!!! Dammit.. its not becos of major faults, but its cos of 22 demerit points.. anything more than 10 constitutes a fail. so yup. Anyways, i did my best so i can only say, i'll try harder next time. But before i can go for the next test, nd to clock 200 mins of driving and 50km!! AHH!! thats wad i hate most.. but no choice.. :( hope to pass the next test.. which is the 2nd!!

Secondly, its abt the ppl and all.. now my bunk is split into grps.. with those PSP-gamers united as one, 2 indian tamils as 1, then me, and 2 other guys are the ones that do not fit in to the groups.. but those 2 they have their own frens outside the bunks.. as for me, i have no one else.. just me alone.. so im kinda outcasted and left out.

Try to make frens and talk to ppl but dunno y, there's always a certain point i can reach.. its like, once i hit that point, my frenship level with the person stops.. its hard to evolve. Thats my weakness.. unable to carry the conversation well..

Another thing, some of the ppl, esp those in my bunk always like to make fun of me.. becos the tamil indian guy dunno how to pronounce my surname correctly, ended up they called me "Ah Tai".. (stupid name right.. i noe).. which further became.. "Gong Tai Tai".. as it was called by my unit fren, Ho. He created that name and all of a sudden, everyone calls me that.. i rly hate it lor.. u noe the meaning right.. it means silly.. and a bit of blur.. yeah, which kinda resembled who i am in army.. Slow and blur and everything.. DAMMIT. I rly hate myself in the army.. why must i be like this??

Got one incident, where my unit fren, Ash, put his bag on top of mine.. and cos i wanna get sth out of my bag, i nd to remove his bag away, so i took out his bag, and put it on the next bench with a "little bit of force".. but to him, im like "throwing it".. and wads more, it contained his PSP charger inside.. so he was kinda angry with me.. but then at this time, one of my coursemate, Sam.. saw it and he said it was not my fault that i "threw" it.. its cos his bag was on top of my bag so he said i had the right and asked me not to apologise.. i felt it was kinda true.. after so long, i have always been "under the foot of others".. its time to stand up for myself already i tot!! So i held up courage and said .. it wasn't my fault.. and as expected, a vehement arguement occurred which left to a cold war between me and Ash.. back in the bunk, he also treated me coldly.. i just ignored him and bear with it as i noe.. he always tends to treat me well when i am "under his foot".. i just feel so lowdown.. why must i go to this state?? I wanna stand up for my ownself and pride..

But sooner or later, as the next day awaits.. everything sunk in.. somehow he "forgave" me.. decided not to look on the matter and we became "normal frens" to where we were before again.. and thats the time where im "under his foot" again... kena laughed at and made fun of.. Gong Dai Dai.. that stupid name kept repeating in my ears.. sometimes i just hoped i cud shout and retort back at them.. but im just too timid and dun dare.. yeah i hate myself.. why am i so timid!!?? I rly hate myself!! I just wanted to shout back and ask them not to call me GTT anymore.. but cos im scared and dun dare, they just continued doing that... haiz, tell me wad shud i do, God.. shud i stand up for myself or continued to get "mocked" by them?? I feel like a weakling lor.. everyone look down on me.. haiz..

Im just such a weakling... hate myself to the core!!!! :(((((((((

Sometimes, i wanna scold back but just cannot get the wisdom to scold.. dunno wad words to scold and end up making a fool of myself.. so i rather not scold back at all.. hmmms.. wad shud i do... i wanna get respect from them... Sam told me that i have to earn respect by myself.. and thats to be firm when im right.. to stand up for my rights.. hmms.. guess i'll try it..

God, no matter wad.. help me by keeping me strong, noe how to defend myself, not let others bully me... God come and be my helper..

Alright enuf of all these sob stories.. i just wanna pass my TP and go to Man Truck course.. and perhaps finish the whole course ASAP.. sometimes i just wanna pass out of the course right away and dun wanna waste anymore time in it..

Ok fine.. thats the end.. cya.

This week, as usual, driving and parking test and also, cross country.

Basically on monday, went to take an internal driving assessment conducted by the individual DIs.. and so i went for the test and....failed, yes :(

Next, tues was parking test.. this was my worst cos i haven practised much.. when it was my turn, they changed the parking lot to left parallel parking.. i was like.. OMG!! I haven even learnt how to do it, not even practise. So wells, caught a few last min tips from my parking instructor and i tried to do it.. actually i almost succeeded..!! But.. stupid thing i hit the pole slightly so dammit.. failed! :(

Wed was cross country.. an experience of outfield driving and all.. for the whole day!! So many obstacles to go thru.. but it was fun.. esp driving the landrover up the slope.. Speeding!! So cool!! Yeah.. came back with sweat and shag-ness all written over the face..

Thurs, back to driving again and then, parking re-test for the failures.. This time i was determined to pass.. but count me lucky, cos i got a parking lot which i practised before so i was able to do it!! So lucky.. and yes, i passed finally!! :) So now, no more parking in future lo!! yeehah!

Okk.. basically wanna talk abt driving.. My driving is half-standard lah.. my DI said i can control the veh well and maintain safety, but one thing i lack is.. traffic awareness.. that requires observation.. cos sometimes i commit mistakes here and there due to traffic awareness.. damm.. i hate it lor!! Turn left, turn right.. Turn right, turn right.. makes me so confused.. and so afraid to cut into other ppl lane as well..

These few days when i drive, keep kena scolding by my DI.. he seem to become a changed person.. more heated up and angry and fierce.. like a monster. I now quite scared of him thats y everytime i drive i very stress.. must do perfect if not will sure kena scolding. :X But then, how can i not make mistakes?? Im not perfect.. i sure make mistake one.. so when i do, he will scold and scold.. very harshly.. got once he even throw something at me.. (F HIM!!) I very angry actually.. wanna scold back, but didn't.. i hate it lor.. can't he let me drive properly?? This is wad i face all the time... scoldings and scoldings non-stop!!!!

On sat, it was even worst.. tot bkout day i shud be fine but who noes, on the start, i already did some mistakes, plus, his mood was bad.. so... he really EXPLODED this time.. after he exploded, i tried to do everything nice nice and dared not make any more mistakes.. only when gg back that time.. PARKING!!! This is the worst of my worst.. i can't do the parking very nice wan.. always need time to adjust here and there.. and his presence in the car make me even more stressed and tensed.. So this was wad i did.. like usual, i reverse the veh.. until suddenly he ask me to stop.. then guess wad???

He put his face near my ear and then he shouted SUPER LOUD.. CI BAI!! inside my ear!!! FUCK HIM!!! Im not deaf okay!!! Why must scold so loud.. so fucking loud that everyone in the training shed can hear it.. fuck man!! It was my mistake la.. i forgot to check left mirror (thats my mistake all the time)... but why must he shout at my ear?? FUCK HIM LA!! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! I damn pissed off lor... but just control only... fucking embarrassed lor.. den after several tries, i still cannot make it.. then he said, he dun wan to waste his fucking time anymore so he asked me off engine and fuck off...

Nowdays, he's getting more and more heated up... i am (more and more) scared of him liaoz... but he's truly a fucker lor... scold and scold so loud.. FUCK!!!! I hate it lah!!!

Nvm, just gonna bear with it for another 2-3 more days cos TP will be on wed.. and hopefully i pass TP, then dun have to see his face anymore!!! I dun wanna see him anymore!!!! I want to pass TP asap!!!! I dun wanna see him anymoer!!!!!!!!!

Actually, to say so, he's a gd DI la.. but his methods sometimes not v gd, and his temper problem.. flare up easily.. if only he can control his temper... but he can't.. too bad..

Anyway, i'll just put up with him until TP starts... hope i do a nice one... so yeah... thats how my driving story is... everyday kena F and scoldings... thats y i fucking hate driving... i tot driving shud be fun and all?? Nvm, pass TP and i can drive however i wan also no one care.. But, i must pass TP first la.. so.... I MUST PASS TP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok la.. say so much le... on to the friends part...

Friends wise.. in my bunk, i can say no one is close to me at all... i just try to mix ard with them.. but somtimes they also not very nice to me.. when i do some wrong mistake, they will make a joke out of it and laugh.. haiz.. kinda used to being laughed at already so no big deal to me... i just wish for a better day everyday and hopefully i can get to make at least a few close frens in this course before it ends.. but currently, its hard to do so and i dun think i can find any..

Its just so sad not to have any close frens at all in the course... i rly wish to have one... haiz..

Okok.. enuf of sob stories le... gtg eat dinner already.. mum is nagging!!

Cya..!