After such a long time of not blogging, i just felt like blogging, again. The feeling of wanting to pen down all my thoughts and feelings and also rantings into this blog, just came to my mind. I dunno if anyone will be reading this, but anyways so yeah.
Recently, a series of events just happened and i felt as if i was in a roller-coaster, going through all the ups and downs in life.
There are just too many things that happened, and i just dunno where to start..
Okay..as of now, im currently working in another company after my previous job, but its just a temporary job as its just a 6 mths contract. Its already 4 mths plus now since i started working, so just left abt 1 mth plus more to go before my job comes to an end. And yeah, can't wait for it to end actually.. cos i wanna take a good long break!! Been very stressed and tired working continuously.. and sometimes really so stressed that i felt i could break down just any moment.
But then, along the way i also met many nice colleagues. Most of them are interns and temp staffs, just like me. All of them from different departments, but during lunch we are just like one big family, getting together and having lunch together. Those were really gd times! But as time passes.. most of them had already left the company as their contract and internship has ended. So now, its just left with 2 person, and thats me and my colleague, who is also an intern. From such a big group of ppl to just 2 of us.. its really very sad. But then, ppl come and ppl go. Nothing is forever.
Well but after so many "hi"s and "bye"s, i managed to forge out a close bond with my colleague and another temp guy, and together we form a clique. I really love this clique of ours! Although just 3 person, but is closely knit together. Anyway, i don't really like big groups too. 3 is just nice. But then, everyone is busy and have their own lives to lead, so we don't really meet that often but we'll still try to meet up if there's time. So, its good and i hope our clique will continue to remain strong and go on and on forever!
So, thats so much on my work life.. now come to my social life.. which is church. Well, i have changed a new church since last year after my ex-colleague invited me to his cellgroup. So i got to know many ppl there and it was really an exciting experience for me. However, things change.. As time goes by, more and more ppl join the cellgroup and it becomes very big. But too big is not good.. its so big that i felt quite leftout in there and there wasn't any ppl whom i feel close to. So i start to slowly withdraw myself from the group by not going for cellgroup meetings and church services.
So, i now no longer attend the church services and cellgroup meetings anymore. But i have no intentions of joining another new church or whatsoever as i don't wish to get stuck in this kind of "feeling left out then withdraw from church" situation again. Having been thru so much in life especially in the area of church, i think its better for me not to dwell in church stuffs anymore and just simply live a plain simple life will do.
Although many ppl say, u can't live without god.. how true is that? I mean, even if u do have a relationship with god or not, life still goes on isn't it?? Maybe some ppl look towards God as an emotional support. To me, i want something physical, not spiritual.. I want a person to be there when im sad, lonely and down.. i want ppl to care for me and show concern for me, thats why i rely on friends a lot..
Its not easy for me to make frens as im not very sociable and also due to being hurt so much in life before, i dun really trust anyone now except for those frens whom i feel they are really close and i will really treasure them and keep them close to my heart. To those frens whom i once knew and our frenship were strong, but due to some circumstances and situation, things change and the frenship that were once strong is no longer strong anymore, it becomes fragile like glass and it breaks so easily. Of coz, im very sad that our "once strong" frienship just end like this, but i guess, nothing is forever. Although im sad, yes.. but what can i do? Lost is lost already.. we can't get it back.. and no point crying over spilt milk.
So now, im just left with a few friends, but it beats having none. At least, having a few true friends is better than having so many casual frens or acquaintances.. and furthermore, maintaining a frenship is not easy, so if u have too many frens, its very hard to maintain them. So yeah, having a few true frens is already very good.
So yeah, i've spoken a lot already.. Well so this is my journey of life so far.. As of now, i dun wish to think too much already.. Let bygones be bygones, past is past.. Just look forward to the future and thats it. Those not worth keeping i will not keep anymore.
Okay, i'll end here..
Back to square one
Saturday, May 19, 2012
at
12:20 AM
Well, after so long of not deciding to blog again.. im back..
Anyways, i bet no one whom i know will be reading this so yeah.. free to rant here anyway.
As of now, im just feeling damn low...super deep deep low and down to the max..
Oh yes, im EMO.. EMO EMO EMO!! So what???
Guess im still back to square one in the end..
No matter what i do, no one will care..
Just totally hate myself... hate that im being born into this world..
Why must i even exist in the first place??
Maybe im just different from others.. Yes, wadever..
I dun wish to care anymore..
GG-fied....forever....
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Is it goodbye to the organ or?
Sunday, October 30, 2011
at
4:16 AM
As u would have known, i've got this electronic organ at home ever since someone gave it to me. And i've been using it all the way and it worked fine, until one day.. there was a sudden "attack" that it gave me. I powered it on, and the moment i touched one of the keys on the keyboard, it went buzzing all the way non-stop and it has been like this since then. I was very worried n sad, cos i really want it to work well so i can continue to play more songs on it.
So, is it goodbye to the organ or??
Well well, i had called up the servicemen 2 wks ago and they agreed to come to my house to do a technical "check-up" on my organ. And so, today was the day the serviceman came. After opening up the screws, lifting up the cover, i saw what revealed underneath. A whole chunk of wires, chips and electronic boards. It has the likes of the inside of a computer, only thing it is not that complicated as the computer, but still several wires here and there connecting to different circuit boards.
So there, after a fine examining and testing.. he deduced that it is a "serious" problem, and to "cure" the problem, the only way was to change the whole motherboard. I was like.. ok.. but when he said it might cost ard $600.. i was like.. SHOCKED. Really.. I mean $600 for a motherboard?? U kidding?? But it was true.. And as the model of this organ is rather old.. and its already been discontinued, the parts will have to be purchased from somewhere but this tech guy says he knows some dealers out there so he can help us out "privately".
SO NOW.. the question is.. whether or not to "save" my organ.. I would definitely love to save it so i can still use it to play other songs.. more over, its been with me for abt half a year now and so there's a sentimental value towards it. BUT THEN.. the deciding factor was.. the COST..
When i asked dad to help fork out the money, knowing his stingy character, i noe he wouldn't, but at least if i said i fork out half, he fork out half, he might.. BUT.. to my unbelief.. he straightaway said NO. He dun even wan to fork out a single cent at all!! He just wanted to "end the life" of the organ. Well.. considering the organ is really old right now.. it might not be a good thing to get it repaired but.. even a new piano would at least cost a few hundred close to a thousand dollars.. so wad is $600 compared to that??
Well of coz.. $600 is still a considerably big figure which was why i had to think thru again and again.. becos my dad is now willing to spend only 100 bucks.. which means the rest i'll have to fork it out by myself..
Sigh.. i really love the music played out thru the organ.. as its bass and speakers are very strong, the music produced from it is loud and rich and lively. And so i enjoy playing it.. Seeing that now i can't play on it anymore, its really very sad.. but i can still get it repaired.. at the cost of 600 bucks.
Should i really get it repaired?? I really dun noe.. Wanted to find out the exact cost of the motherboard so i can know whether i have been "cheated" or not.. but i can't seem to find it on the internet.. so i only have one choice.. to risk losing the 600 or choose not to save my organ at all..
Haiz.. initially i tot it was a small problem.. maybe a bit of tuning or fixing would get it done.. but.. i didn't noe it was a major problem that even the whole motherboard has to be changed!! Too bad i dun noe how to fix an organ if not i will attempt to save it on my own.
I guess i would risk the 600 to save it again, but its just a matter of time.. im still thinking right now...
It is only time like this where i think having a job is so impt, as when u got a job, u got money. Cos earlier i was having the intentions of quiting and perhaps taking a break or wad.. but now, looks like i can't..i gotta earn more money and save up so i have enuf to spend.. spend on all this things like repairs, etc..
Right now, it is as gd as "dead"... shud i attempt to do "CPR" on it?? and pay the "operation fee"??
Dad says its useless to operate on it anymore since its so old and its been operated before.. so i dunno if its worth to operate on it.. But now, its just the matter of money.. whether am i willing to give out that money.. to exchange for the price of my organ to be back "alive" again..
So yeah... is it goodbye to my organ or not????
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A stupid injury that costs me a huge price
Sunday, October 23, 2011
at
9:38 PM
Well, it doesn't pay to be kind afterall, so wad if ur good to others? They can't see it, and they dun appreciate it.
This person whom i have helped the last time.. has turned around and totally changed like a different person to me now.
Oh well, at least i noe his true colours.. but thats not all.. i suffered a injury becos of him..
I shall call him a fucker!! Seriously mother fucker!! Seriously fucking bitch!!
Well, this was wad he did to me.. he took my finger and bent it all the way backwards until i was totally in pain and he din seem to be apologetic at all.. just becos i said sth not nice to trigger his anger..
And i didn't rly expect wad would happen when i showed him the middle finger. Guess it was my fault too to show the middle finger at him, not knowing he would twist my finger the other way round and injured my finger severely.
Fine, wads happened has happened. But that doesnt mean i will forgive him. He shall forever be in my hated list and im not gonna see him anymore again i swear!! FUCK HIM SERIOUSLY!!
Now im just worried abt my finger as it hurts quite bad and i cant move it too vigorously lest it might drop off or wad.. and having the injury of this finger, my whole hand now seems like no energy.. no longer can do things the way i do.. i can't brush my teeth with my right hand now, shower also cannot.. in a way, my right hand is like "maimed" now.. im a handicap now..
I rly dunno wads gonna happen to my finger, will it cure back or not or will i suffer a fracture.. gotta do an x-ray to find out..
SHIT!! Why must such things happen to me!! Its just so unbelievable that my finger got twisted by that jackass fellow and now i have to live like a handicap without the use of my right hand!! Im so pissed!!!
I just hope everything will be fine.. my finger will regain normal strength again..
So the moral of story is.. never to be kind to others, they dun appreciate, and nv will..
Im so disappointed in this person that i helped him before and he just happily forget everything abt it.. fine i shall no longer see him, i will take him as non-existent from now on..
Just hope i can regain back my finger strength and everything will be fine..
*Keeping fingers crossed*
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Stuck
Thursday, October 20, 2011
at
11:31 PM
Haiz.. lots of things running thru my head now.. spinning thru my mind..
I rly dunno wad to do and who i can turn to for help, just decided to blog it over here though..
As u noe, i've already been in my job for abt 1 mth plus.. coming to 2 mths.. firstly, it was alright i feel.. but then suddenly, due to the fact that quite a few colleagues left, and there were so little manpower left, and i have an increased workload.. but its not just that, i just hate receiving calls which will give me problems which i am clueless and can't solve.. but i noe i will definitely receive a few.
I just dunno..somehow the passion just died down.. i no longer feel happy at all helping people.. i help and help.. help and help.. wad do i get in return?? They also dun appreciate me helping at all.. i rly dun see the point why i shud help them anymore.. Them referring to the "callers"..
And also in this line of work, its quite busy and time consuming, so sometimes there are not much chance to "slack" and have a bit of "OTOT" time.. i really hate it when i go for breaks and can't take too long, not even ans a personal phone call.
Due to the fact they just installed this big TV.. and no its not for movie!! Although its a LCD TV.. but.. its not for movie.. lol.. its.. for monitoring our movements lor!! OMG!! Its like.. even if we go for breaks.. if it exceeds the time limit, it will flash yellow.. other cases it will flash red sometimes.. seriously no freedom at all..
Work and work and work non-stop.. Singapore working life is like that.. wad to do?? Everything also so expensive nowdays.. cost of living is high.. bla bla..
Anw, i received a fone call telling me there's an interview for a IT job position.. and i m keen in going lor.. cos its quite near my hse..
So well, will be trying out for the interview to see what happens.. if they accept, i'll take.. if not i'll stay on my current job bah..
But i really dunno wad to do lor... so frustrated out there!!
GRRRR!!!
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Life after ORD
Sunday, October 2, 2011
at
11:54 PM
Well, its been a few mths since i last stepped onto this blog again. Just wanted to write what i feel and yeah, so im back.. haha.
Ord was one of the best things that i ever had seriously.. but what comes after ord is really the real thing..
So i have started working already.. been abt 1 mth plus in this IT company. First time doing a full time job in my life besides my internship back in the past.. I must really say, the working hrs are DAMN LONG!! Perhaps i too long nv work outside already..
Oh yeah.. but well i've kinda adapted to the working hrs and everything.. its just a routine everyday.
Except... the waking part!! I seriously hate to wake up so super early just to go to work.. and when im back home, it feels like almost 3/4 of the day is gone with me having like 4 hrs more to myself before i have to go to bed and tmr will be a new day again..
Time seems long when u have things to do, but seems short when u have nth to do.. those days when i were slacking at home idling away.. i rly feel time pass so fast.. but now at work.. time is really so slow.. each day to me is like so long i just can't wait for 6 o clock to come and i can go off.
So how's the people there in my workplace?? Hmms.. so far i would say they are all nice and friendly ppl.. maybe for some a little small temper la esp when they busy then i ask them wad to do they will get a bit pissed its understandable lah.. So yeah so far all still quite gd.. except that i think i have a barrier with my team leader though. Im not saying she's not nice.. but she is in charge of us and i noe its her job to make sure all of us perform well in the job so perhaps for me she find im a bit slow and slacking in the job so sometimes when i go for break for long time, she will suspect me and drop me some hints *wink*.
First time when i was really on the job.. getting the calls and so on.. i was very afraid, its just like a timebomb, anytime anybody can call and i would have to be ready to "defuse the bomb".. if i can't defuse it correctly, the bomb will explode!! So yeah i tend to always go into the offline mode.. which means it will not accept incoming calls. But my team leader saw that and ask me to go online mode all the time so i did.. and yeah, perhaps thanks to her making me feel so "stressed" and "pressurised" and a bit of "fear".. im no longer that scared anymore.. now being in online mode doesn't mean a timebomb to me anymore as i noe roughly what kind of qns ppl will be asking and how to ans them.. only for a minority which are still not easy to solve..so yeah..
AHHH!! I noe its getting a bit boring and hard to understand the previous part cos i haven rly tell u whats my job scope and everything.. basically im doing a helpdesk job and thats to ans fone calls and respond to customer's queries.. haha fun u would say? BUT.. there are difficult times too when u meet those nasty and demanding customers who want their problem solved on the spot.. i guess every job has its highs and lows.. so yup.
I wont go into more details.. so anyway, last wk was the last day i worked with my colleague.. he was the very first colleague that i met on the first day.. and we get along kinda well.. it was also thanks to him that i kinda like working as i noe i got a companion. But now.. he's going to be transferred out, that means he'll no longer be working with me anymore, i feel very sad of course!! To the extent of even crying.. But, i just can't cry out.. And suddenly i think, shud i also leave or shud i continue?? But actually im also waiting for my turn to be transferred out.. which i dunno how long it wud take.. just hope it'll be quick and fast..
Really hate to travel so far to work everyday... from one end to the other... just hope i can endure it for another month.. and then aft that i'll be posted to somewhere nearer to my place..
Sometimes i just think, why must i keep working so hard when others are studying or enjoying?? Is this really what i want?? I rly do not noe..
Now i understand working is not that fun as i thought to be.. its tiring and stressful.. but at least.. its not like army.. army is compulsory, working is not compulsory.. but its compulsory if u want to earn a living and to survive.. so in other words, its still compulsory lah.. haha..
OKOK.. time for me to embrace another new day tmr.. without my colleague tmr.. wonder if anyone will be replacing him or wad.. will it be a better day tmr?? i hope!!
K BAH!! Wadever negative tots that i have.. i'll erase them temporarily and get on with LIFE.. AHHH!! GAMBATTE~~ Renew my mind.. renew my thoughts and thinking..
Keep on fighting!!!!
BYE.
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Finally the time has come!!!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
at
3:34 PM
I've been wanting to say this long long ago.... i've waited and waited... finally i can say it....
ORD LOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCKING HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AWESUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously, everyday i've been waiting and waiting just for this day to come!!!!!!
Finally, its here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its fucking awesum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No nd to wake up so early again.............
No nd to see those faces again...............
No nd to endure n tolerate all the shit..................
Best........... no nd to see that DEE ASS AMP of mine!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOO.......thank god...!!! Just when the state in camp is really like shit and living hell... im out of this shitty n sucky place!!!!
One thing i dun like is the breakfast thingy... have to wake up so early to go cookhse to eat.. lucky i dun even have to eat at all!!!
Another thing.. the rules n regulations in camp is getting more n more stringent n rigid.. anything do wrong can so easily sign extra... of coz la.. with that DEE ASS AMP of mine... extras r inevitable!!!!
Finally can kiss gdbye already!!!! I bet those ppl whom like to make fun of me will start to miss me cos they cant do that to me alredi!! But well.. i've alrdy tolerated enuf shit from them.. until i fucking cannot stand already!!! If im not gonna get out of that place soon... i might not be able to get out of it alive!!
So here am i.. standing tall and alive... OMG!!! IM ALIVE!!! I NV TOT I WOULD BRACE THRU THESE 2 YEARS COMING OUT ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH MY OH MY... IM ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOO!!! I SURVIVED THESE 2 YEARS!!! IM A SURVIVOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now... im sooooooo freeee!! Freeeeee to do wadever i want!!! SO FREEEEE!!!!!!!!! LOVE IT!!!!!
Love my freeeeeedom to the max!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ORD is really the love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ORD means everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ORD means freeeedom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally no nd to go back to that slumhole again!!!! So fucking ulu that place!!!!
FINALLY FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ORD LOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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June faster go and July faster come!
Saturday, June 11, 2011
at
3:48 AM
If i was from the ptp batch back then, today would be a day that i will be celebrating.. why? Cos it will be "my" ORD day! But apparently, its not so.. back to emo. -.-''
Anyways, im now on "unofficial leave" aka mc lols.. again. Why? Cos i just had my wisdom tooth removed again. This time, and also its the last time for my other side. The last time i did was abt 2 mths ago, so yeah finally time to do this last side and its all finished!!
Just wanna say, this time round the operation still the same as before, however i feel it hurts more than the last time.. esp the pulling and drilling part of my tooth.. that part makes me feel like dying!! It was super PAINFUL!! Maybe the anaesthethic not enough dosage.. So i had no choice but to endure it for like.. 10-20 minutes?? And then when i heard "its done".. i was like WHEW!! But wad followed after was a temporary numbness of my cheek around the area which was being operated on.. so i couldn't feel a thing.. but aft a while, the numbness subsided and the pain starts to come in.. thats when i needed the painkillers.. the pain is finally gone aft a while of taking in the painkillers.. And now, my cheek is a little swollen... so its fugly! lols..
Kk... i've not been in camp for like almost one week, except for a particular day, that was tuesday. Apparently, i could have just not gone back at all.. but due to this thinking that this junior of mine would not be able to cope without my help.. i decided to come back even though i was on off. It was really a rash decision i made though. Could have enjoyed my monday to the fullest but yeah.. stupid to go back camp and to witness all the shit that happened.
From my words, u could tell that i already had loads of shit coming. Seriously, i shudn't have gone back at all!! A bit like "zhi zhao de ma fan".. Okk, firstly when i came back, my junior saw me and asked me why i came back.. I said i wanted to come back and help him.. I tot he will be touched when i said it but to my dismay, he didn't! He said i wanted to come back to save that off day of mine.. which is true i partly wanted to do that, but my main intention of coming back was also to see how he is coping and whether he need help or not.. cos i tot i will be gone for like a wk or so and wont be able to help him much, so i tot of cancelling my off to go back and help him.. but sadly, it wasn't appreciated at all..
Wad comes aft that was even worse...just like a nightmare.. The moment i stepped into my bunk, this particular big-sized guy just started his "crazy tongue lashing" on me. It really got me annoyed cos he used all those sarcastic and crude remarks on me which really made me mad!! As he was the one that did duty with me on sat.. it wasn't really a gd one doing with him. As he was my orderly.. so he just did wad he supposed to do, that is to collect lunch n dinner thats all.. the rest he dun bother. Thats how lazy he is. There was one time i saw so many ants crawling on the floor and asked him to help me clean, he dun wan.. i was super pissed with him lor!! Somemore my hand accidentally hit the railing so hard, that it became blue black and sore.. at that time i was so scared my bones might crack lor!! Yeah, i hate myself for being so bony and skinny.. =(
Anyway, i really loathe doing duty with him.. seriously sucks ttm. And now, come back bunk, he's my bunkmate.. still gotta endure his shit talk. Think he very smart, just bcos my intelligence quite low, can suan me until like that lah!! FCUK HIM!! I rly hate it too.. but sometimes i just can't think fast enough to outsmart him.. being in camp rly makes me stupid.. Anyway, just becos u big-sized doesn't mean i scared of u lor! U big sized doesnt mean u are strong.. it shows that u are FAT!! SERIOUSLY FAT!!! GEDDIT??
I keep tolerating him until i really REN WU KE REN le.. at the tech store where i went down to collect the spares.. he came also and he started his suan-ing again.. i seriously du lan liao and just retorted back to him.. Then he kinda "scared" liao so he try to act apologetic towards me. And so i relented and gave in. But who noes, come back bunk, he said he did that was to give face to me only cos got many ppl in the tech store so he dun wan to make the scene look ugly.. he wasn't really sincere abt apologising to me at all lor! FFFUCK HIM LAH!!! KNNCCB!!! Nv had i been so angry before lor..
Actually, he said i was the main cause of the whole thing.. cos i moved into their bunk from my own bunk.. Ok, initially i was from my own bunk with the bx people. But, due to the new ojes coming in and needed a place to slp and also during that pt of time, i dun rly like being in that bunk that i chose to switch to another bunk.. so this fatty tot of me like a "refugee" trying to seek refuge in their bunk. Had i known all this would happen, I WOULDN'T HAVE SWITCHED BUNK LOR!!! I'd rather stay in my own bunk.. all becos i wanted to let the new ojes come in so i sacrificed myself to go to another bunk.. now it looks like my decision was wrong in the first place!!
But sheesh.. wads done is done.. it can't be changed.. just gotta continue to endure for a mth more and kiss my ass gdbye to that holy goddammn place..
I guess i have uttered too much already... but cause im really angry when i think abt it.. so i wanna write it down.. but def not for memory sake!
K lah.. just can't wait to f off from the place lor!!! WHY?? Why today not my ord??? DAMNNN!!
Alright.... bb.
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Time fly so slowly
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
at
11:30 AM
So long nv blog already.. just thinking what to blog for now.
Well, its already mid of May. Another 2 more mths to go.. !!
Counting down to sth has nv been that difficult, unless its to ORD!!
Man.. the days seem to get longer and longer.. damn!!
I can't tahan anymore in camp anymore.. loads of shit happening..
Who will hear my plea??
Everyday the same.. see the same old faces.. sian already..
And then my job still requires me to carry heavy stuffs.. wth right!!
Think no one seems to care abt me at all..
Fucked up ppl everywhere.. from Small to BIG.. from BIG to small..
They all just making me frustrated and wanna faster F out of that darn place!!
Just can't wait....
But after ord, also another problem...
But dun care la.. ord first then say..
Faster faster ord!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, its already mid of May. Another 2 more mths to go.. !!
Counting down to sth has nv been that difficult, unless its to ORD!!
Man.. the days seem to get longer and longer.. damn!!
I can't tahan anymore in camp anymore.. loads of shit happening..
Who will hear my plea??
Everyday the same.. see the same old faces.. sian already..
And then my job still requires me to carry heavy stuffs.. wth right!!
Think no one seems to care abt me at all..
Fucked up ppl everywhere.. from Small to BIG.. from BIG to small..
They all just making me frustrated and wanna faster F out of that darn place!!
Just can't wait....
But after ord, also another problem...
But dun care la.. ord first then say..
Faster faster ord!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Frigging hell money
Friday, April 8, 2011
at
9:59 PM
Damn!! Freaking angry now!! ARGGGHHHH!!!
Everytime talk abt this sensitive issue... my blood will boil..
Wad is this sensitive issue?? Its none other than.. MONEY of course!!
Money this, money that... hate it.....
Ok let me say wads it all about.....
Today evening i just received the letter abt the gst credits that the gov will be giving.. and its an okay sum i would say.. so the thing is, earlier on i had wanted to get a new lappy and mum said she will help me to fork out with a bit knowing i had financial difficulties but now she said i can use that sum of money to buy the lappy without any worries..
I know its quite reasonable lah.. but imagine.. after i ord, i will no longer get anymore "salary".. so that sum of money is meant for me to use as additional reserved money just in case i need to use them..
But this is not the issue.. THe thing is, she said so loud infront of my dad summore.. originally i asked my dad to buy for me the lappy but he dun wan.. he damn selfish.. now he noe abt the thing, he dun even wan to help me anymore.. and we just had a quarrel earlier on abt this.. hate it manz!!
He already dun wan to sponsor me to further study at uni liao.. still wan to KB so much.. dun even wan to lend a helping hand for my lappy.. He said he will sponsor me to study if its a local u.. but if its private.. then it will be on my own.. like wth right?? Super pissed lor!! Freaking hell i have a father like him who is super selfish.. dun even wan to sponsor his own son for studies!! Fine lor.. next time i got money i dun give him!!
Now just thinking wad i shud do after my ord.. maybe will have to go to work first then study?? Really dunno wad path to take sia.. i wanna go pursue further studies in music actually.. cos i had been playing the piano for quite some time and fell in love with it.. wanna know more and how to play it actually.. but maybe this cud just be something like a hobby.. not a career that i can do for the rest of my life.. Haiz..
Sian lah!! MONEY MONEY MONEY!! Everything also MONEY!!!
MONEY till siao liao lah..... frigging hell..!!!
How i wish to sing the song Price Tag...
Its not about the money money money.. we dun need ur money money money.. we just wanna make the world dance.. forget abt the price tag!!
If only everything is this world doesn't come with a price tag.. everything is free!! Education is free.. eating is free.. enjoyment is free!! Wouldn't it be so fucking perfect??
If only..... damnnnnn.
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Thoughts and feelings
at
12:23 PM
Heyas, im back to blog again! Yeah.. oh wells, haven been blogging for quite some time too..
So, i just had my wisdom tooth plucked on the left side.. operation was smooth and successful.. Thank goodness!! But there's still a bit of pain whenever i open my mouth wide.. and the stitches inside is quite irritating and i keep thinking if they will break or not.. So dun dare to touch it..
Meanwhile, am now resting at home for recovery.. haiz, finally get to rest!! Have been working like a dog the past few wks..especially during that BIG exercise which requires us to OT.. i just feel like im going to faint anytime.. Got once i even got splitting headache cos my MSG too kan chiong already throw all his kc-ness to me.. i become kc and go siao also.. haiz..
And yes, we gotta stay in now!! BOO!! Sad sia... no more stay out le.. machiam like BMT recruit life sia.. sian.. first day of stay in alr sucks.. As i changed bunk the day before, ppl were wondering why i keep changing bunks.. in the end they got an idea and spread to the rest.. now everyone noe why i change.. but actually wad they think is not true at all.. but i dun wanna tell them the truth so i just said yes to their answer.. anws, soon it will get over..
First night of stay-in, i was in a new bunk with new faces.. pretty much the OJEs.. and i was sleeping next to this oje.. by right, we all turn the fan to the max.. and then at night i feel very cold like shivering ttm.. i wanted to turn the fan down a little but then this oje tell me he very hot ask me not to close.. so sian lor.. btw, his body is quite "big" lah.. so u shud noe.. fats.. thats why he dun feel cold.. but i feel very cold lor!! End up i wear coverall to sleep to keep myself warm..
Now i thinking if i go back again, i will def not slp next to him liao.. cos his fan turn so strong.. make me very cold.. i think i will go to the next bed at least wun be so cold.. but then change here change there also very mafan.. sian..
I rly hate stay in man!! Now my relationships with my platoon mates all not so good.. dunno why they treat me so bad.. i just feel damn sad.. dunno wad i do to deserve all this.. am so nice to them but they treat me so bad.. Looks like it doesn't pay to be a nice guy at all.. ppl will only take advantage of u if ur too nice..
Haiz.. dun wan to continue this sad story already lah.. gonna enjoy my few days of stay out life at home ttm before i go back!!
And.. i hope time faster pass man!! 3 more months left to ORD!! Why does it feel so long???
I wan faster ORD!!!! GO GO GO!!!!
So, i just had my wisdom tooth plucked on the left side.. operation was smooth and successful.. Thank goodness!! But there's still a bit of pain whenever i open my mouth wide.. and the stitches inside is quite irritating and i keep thinking if they will break or not.. So dun dare to touch it..
Meanwhile, am now resting at home for recovery.. haiz, finally get to rest!! Have been working like a dog the past few wks..especially during that BIG exercise which requires us to OT.. i just feel like im going to faint anytime.. Got once i even got splitting headache cos my MSG too kan chiong already throw all his kc-ness to me.. i become kc and go siao also.. haiz..
And yes, we gotta stay in now!! BOO!! Sad sia... no more stay out le.. machiam like BMT recruit life sia.. sian.. first day of stay in alr sucks.. As i changed bunk the day before, ppl were wondering why i keep changing bunks.. in the end they got an idea and spread to the rest.. now everyone noe why i change.. but actually wad they think is not true at all.. but i dun wanna tell them the truth so i just said yes to their answer.. anws, soon it will get over..
First night of stay-in, i was in a new bunk with new faces.. pretty much the OJEs.. and i was sleeping next to this oje.. by right, we all turn the fan to the max.. and then at night i feel very cold like shivering ttm.. i wanted to turn the fan down a little but then this oje tell me he very hot ask me not to close.. so sian lor.. btw, his body is quite "big" lah.. so u shud noe.. fats.. thats why he dun feel cold.. but i feel very cold lor!! End up i wear coverall to sleep to keep myself warm..
Now i thinking if i go back again, i will def not slp next to him liao.. cos his fan turn so strong.. make me very cold.. i think i will go to the next bed at least wun be so cold.. but then change here change there also very mafan.. sian..
I rly hate stay in man!! Now my relationships with my platoon mates all not so good.. dunno why they treat me so bad.. i just feel damn sad.. dunno wad i do to deserve all this.. am so nice to them but they treat me so bad.. Looks like it doesn't pay to be a nice guy at all.. ppl will only take advantage of u if ur too nice..
Haiz.. dun wan to continue this sad story already lah.. gonna enjoy my few days of stay out life at home ttm before i go back!!
And.. i hope time faster pass man!! 3 more months left to ORD!! Why does it feel so long???
I wan faster ORD!!!! GO GO GO!!!!
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Sunday blues
Sunday, March 20, 2011
at
7:08 PM
Its Sunday again!! Drats!! I hate it manz.. cos tmr will be back to camp again.
First, let's not talk abt those camp stuff first.. Maybe i shud say wad i did during the weekend..
Actually, wkends are like friday night till sunday.. but most of the time i only spend 1 day outside, thats saturday. Its usually just a chill out day with frens or just a normal day out shopping yep and thats it.. nth special. Anyways, ytd went to SJPS for a while and saw it was so happening in there! Dragonfly is like damn cool.. omg im so gonna go back there again!! But then, come to it.. im not much of a clubber.. just feel that i dun blend in with the environment at all.. Although the songs might be catchy and atmosphere very high.. i just can't move with the beat and totally be myself and just let loose all.. i feel so restricted.. maybe im too closed up already..
The same goes for me in camp. Perhaps due to my closed up and reserved-ness.. i appear to be a very cold n unsociable person in camp.. Nobody likes to talk to me.. i felt damn lonely and anti-social ttm.. Is it cos i dun have a gd sense of humour?? I rly dunno how to joke abt things or to make funny or light hearted conversations with ppl.. All i do is be very serious tats y they think im a very serious person.. I rly dunno how to strike a convo with those "new" guys in my pln at all.. felt so helpless.. Blame it on the fact that i dun open up myself too much to them thats y.. Now i just feel more and more left out in the pln.. machiam like odd one out.. Just wanna faster ord and get out of this hellish place..
Damnn.. these 2 years of ns life seems so long... Even now that im out of my injury, i still have to serve another half a year more then can finally ord.. Really hate it sia.. These 2 years.. i hate it so much so much.. Really a waste of my time!!! Maybe if i dun have these 2 yrs.. i cud just further my studies after poly or go to work.. and then i wouldn't be in this pile of mess..
Now, there;s an exercise gg on in our battalion too.. so we must all OT until late at night like 10pm.. super shitty man... can't wait for it to end.. i wonder if tmr need to stay in or not.. i rly dunno wad time we'll OT until tmr.. Sucks!
K lah, enough of all this shitty-ness.. life is always full of shit....
Ending off with a big pile of SHIT..
BBYE...
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Mid March
Sunday, March 13, 2011
at
6:45 PM
Oookay.. now its mid March already.. but sigh!! Still a long while from ord.. zz
Those april batch ord one are the best.. dun have to stay in that much.. as coming April we all have to stay in already.. stupid man!! Sucks!!
And dunno why suddenly got this major exercise that requires us to stay until 10pm for every mon tues and wed of each week.. sian lor.. that means an early stay in for me!! SUCKS MAN!!
March is a sucky month!! Everything bad and suay comes in March.. this stupid exercise thingy.. ICT and bla bla.. it really sucks lah!!
Now i feel even more and more distant from my pln mates.. dunno wad to say to them when i see them.. but i hate it when some of them try to "disturb" me or "aim" at me.. when i didnt even do anything wrong.. Is it cos i look nice and easy to bully so they do this to me?? What do i gain from being such a nice person afterall?? Being nice is no longer good anymore..
But anw, those whom dun like me are gg to ord soon.. so just quickly f off from this place then i still have one who dun see me eye to eye he gg to ord later than me.. but anw he gg to taiwan soon and will be back in june maybe? So hopefully dun have to see him anymore..
Now the thing is.. i noe stay in is gg to be really sucky.. with my pln mates and bunk mates.. i wonder wad i must do to bond with them closer..
It sucks not to have a fren at all in camp.. u just feel so lonely and alone by urself.. thats me.. i dun feel connected to my pln at all.. there's no togetherness.. and i hate it!!
Some ppl can joke but i can't.. im just so cold and stiff without any sense of humour at all.. why am i born this way..??
Shant say anymore.. will end here bb.. Tmr stay in lo!! SUCKS!! 3 Days!! Grrr...
Those april batch ord one are the best.. dun have to stay in that much.. as coming April we all have to stay in already.. stupid man!! Sucks!!
And dunno why suddenly got this major exercise that requires us to stay until 10pm for every mon tues and wed of each week.. sian lor.. that means an early stay in for me!! SUCKS MAN!!
March is a sucky month!! Everything bad and suay comes in March.. this stupid exercise thingy.. ICT and bla bla.. it really sucks lah!!
Now i feel even more and more distant from my pln mates.. dunno wad to say to them when i see them.. but i hate it when some of them try to "disturb" me or "aim" at me.. when i didnt even do anything wrong.. Is it cos i look nice and easy to bully so they do this to me?? What do i gain from being such a nice person afterall?? Being nice is no longer good anymore..
But anw, those whom dun like me are gg to ord soon.. so just quickly f off from this place then i still have one who dun see me eye to eye he gg to ord later than me.. but anw he gg to taiwan soon and will be back in june maybe? So hopefully dun have to see him anymore..
Now the thing is.. i noe stay in is gg to be really sucky.. with my pln mates and bunk mates.. i wonder wad i must do to bond with them closer..
It sucks not to have a fren at all in camp.. u just feel so lonely and alone by urself.. thats me.. i dun feel connected to my pln at all.. there's no togetherness.. and i hate it!!
Some ppl can joke but i can't.. im just so cold and stiff without any sense of humour at all.. why am i born this way..??
Shant say anymore.. will end here bb.. Tmr stay in lo!! SUCKS!! 3 Days!! Grrr...
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F-ed up life!!
Friday, February 25, 2011
at
4:55 PM
Haven been updating for a while.. just feel like "venting" out some of my anger here..
To many who think now that im already a clerk is a gd life.. seriously its HELL NO!! I've nv led a gd life all the way since im back till now.. To make things simpler, i wasn't chosen to be a clerk.. its cos of my injury that i was forced to be one. If i was chosen by them willingly, at least things wont be so bad.. Currently, almost everybody in my pln has that thinking that i just came back from a "long holiday".. that i am enjoying that 5-6 mths of mc at home and so now im not given anymore privileges of getting those time-off lobangs like attend courses, talks or wadsoever.. its so maddening lor!!
To them, they just think.. im enjoying happily at home.. but do they noe the pain and sufferings i have to go thru?? The feeling of using crutches to walk and not able to walk properly?? The inconveniences i have to put up with and so on... they dun even noe, yet they just straightaway conclude that i have a gd long mc stay at home.. and that leads to a misconception that i "keng-ed" to have this accident so i can stay at home.. so all they say is "CK CK CK.." Its very frustrating to hear when its not the truth at all.. This accident was completely unexpected.. i din noe its gg to happen to me at all!! So i seriously did not CK at all.. but haiz.. their mindsets are like that lah.. can't be helped..
Although im a clerk doesn't mean i have nth to do.. office jobs are not that easy too.. furthermore, i nd to handle both admin and ES side.. the ES already very frustrating enough.. still got admin to handle.. im seriously having a headache!! Yet no one seems to bother and care abt the pain that im gg thru..
I really feel like im not myself at all in camp.. im just a lowly person who can get trampled on by others easily.. i dun even have any status at all in camp.. Wadever i say or do will just become a joke infront of others.. Its rly very hurting to hear those words and humiliation that came out from those ppl's mouth.. but i can't seem to fight back either.. im just too useless..
Ytd, a lot of shits just happened.. First, they say i didn't keep my staff sgt's card properly after using that cos i tot others wan to use so i put there and nv keep it so when he found out abt it, he was crossed and took the card n lock it.. but my upperstudy made it seem like its my fault tat i din keep the card properly.. Talking abt my upperstudy, i used to think he's a nice guy but now not anymore.. he's just a "bus3rd" who goes along with the flow and think im a CK-ster and always wan to find ways to keng.. he's just trying to be nice to me infront of others but deep down, he doesnt like me at all i noe.. from the way he spoke to me i can tell already but anw he's gg to ord soon.. so i just hope i no nd see him anymore..
And then, there's this fren of mine.. last time used to be a nice fren.. now just promoted to 3sg becoming more and more arrogant and like to use his authority on those who he thinks are easy to be targeted.. like me.. He always likes to find trouble with me by picking on me.. almost everything i do seems wrong to him and he always finds every little opportunity to get me.. making my life hell.. fucking hell!! In wad way did i offend him?? WHy must he do this to me!!? And he's also a christian.. thats even more fucking bad!! Not all christians are gd i guess.. Character is still the most important thing.. so wad if u are a christan but ur character is like a rotten apple??
I can go on and on but the list wun stop.. too many bad things that happened.. Now i really feel like gg back to the days where im on mc.. at least i dun have to care a single shit abt work.. no stress at all!! I really wanna go back man.. but then, i also wan faster ord so i can get out of this hell and shithole..
Am just thinking about posting out to a diff camp if possible cos there's this guy in my camp tat i noe of who's suffering from depression and is rly treated very badly by ppl.. at least he'll be gg to mmi and soon get posted out.. but me?? continue to get treated like fuck in the camp where no one even care a single hoot abt me..
Should i also write letter to mmi stating i wanna post out.. or continue in this living hell?? Still got like few more months before i ord.. long long way to go.. damn it!!
I rly hate life man!!
To many who think now that im already a clerk is a gd life.. seriously its HELL NO!! I've nv led a gd life all the way since im back till now.. To make things simpler, i wasn't chosen to be a clerk.. its cos of my injury that i was forced to be one. If i was chosen by them willingly, at least things wont be so bad.. Currently, almost everybody in my pln has that thinking that i just came back from a "long holiday".. that i am enjoying that 5-6 mths of mc at home and so now im not given anymore privileges of getting those time-off lobangs like attend courses, talks or wadsoever.. its so maddening lor!!
To them, they just think.. im enjoying happily at home.. but do they noe the pain and sufferings i have to go thru?? The feeling of using crutches to walk and not able to walk properly?? The inconveniences i have to put up with and so on... they dun even noe, yet they just straightaway conclude that i have a gd long mc stay at home.. and that leads to a misconception that i "keng-ed" to have this accident so i can stay at home.. so all they say is "CK CK CK.." Its very frustrating to hear when its not the truth at all.. This accident was completely unexpected.. i din noe its gg to happen to me at all!! So i seriously did not CK at all.. but haiz.. their mindsets are like that lah.. can't be helped..
Although im a clerk doesn't mean i have nth to do.. office jobs are not that easy too.. furthermore, i nd to handle both admin and ES side.. the ES already very frustrating enough.. still got admin to handle.. im seriously having a headache!! Yet no one seems to bother and care abt the pain that im gg thru..
I really feel like im not myself at all in camp.. im just a lowly person who can get trampled on by others easily.. i dun even have any status at all in camp.. Wadever i say or do will just become a joke infront of others.. Its rly very hurting to hear those words and humiliation that came out from those ppl's mouth.. but i can't seem to fight back either.. im just too useless..
Ytd, a lot of shits just happened.. First, they say i didn't keep my staff sgt's card properly after using that cos i tot others wan to use so i put there and nv keep it so when he found out abt it, he was crossed and took the card n lock it.. but my upperstudy made it seem like its my fault tat i din keep the card properly.. Talking abt my upperstudy, i used to think he's a nice guy but now not anymore.. he's just a "bus3rd" who goes along with the flow and think im a CK-ster and always wan to find ways to keng.. he's just trying to be nice to me infront of others but deep down, he doesnt like me at all i noe.. from the way he spoke to me i can tell already but anw he's gg to ord soon.. so i just hope i no nd see him anymore..
And then, there's this fren of mine.. last time used to be a nice fren.. now just promoted to 3sg becoming more and more arrogant and like to use his authority on those who he thinks are easy to be targeted.. like me.. He always likes to find trouble with me by picking on me.. almost everything i do seems wrong to him and he always finds every little opportunity to get me.. making my life hell.. fucking hell!! In wad way did i offend him?? WHy must he do this to me!!? And he's also a christian.. thats even more fucking bad!! Not all christians are gd i guess.. Character is still the most important thing.. so wad if u are a christan but ur character is like a rotten apple??
I can go on and on but the list wun stop.. too many bad things that happened.. Now i really feel like gg back to the days where im on mc.. at least i dun have to care a single shit abt work.. no stress at all!! I really wanna go back man.. but then, i also wan faster ord so i can get out of this hell and shithole..
Am just thinking about posting out to a diff camp if possible cos there's this guy in my camp tat i noe of who's suffering from depression and is rly treated very badly by ppl.. at least he'll be gg to mmi and soon get posted out.. but me?? continue to get treated like fuck in the camp where no one even care a single hoot abt me..
Should i also write letter to mmi stating i wanna post out.. or continue in this living hell?? Still got like few more months before i ord.. long long way to go.. damn it!!
I rly hate life man!!
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Nervous ttm!
Monday, January 10, 2011
at
12:41 PM
Words can't express how nervous i am now.. felt like there were trillions and zillions of butterflies in my stomach. Super anxious and nervous to the max.. cos i'll be gg to see the doctor later! Wonder what's the outcome? I got this hunch that i might be called to go back to serve e nation but then in my the other mind, i hope i can still get a further extension.. im so lost right now.. But then if the doctor say no, means i'll have to go back tmr.. can't imagine man.. am still not prepared yet.. dunno wad is gg to happen at all.. now i totally have no mood and no feeling.. just like a dead man.. Hoping someone would come and give me words of advice but sigh, who can i find? There's no one out there who knows my pain, worries and sorrows.. I might appear to be a happy person but actually i am not. Im sad, miserable and feeling low deep down inside.. but i dun wanna say out only.. everytime try to suppress my feelings and emotions and pretending to be a happy person outside.. i really dun like this at all..
Anyway.. will be lifeless from now till i see the doctor later.. heart beats to the maximum!! Ohh..and im also having a flu now.. damm.. why! I hate mondays.. mondays sucks to the core.. monday blues.. i dun wish to think abt anything else.. just hope i can still get an extension for a few days or more.. plsssss.. my heart is so unsettled now.. and my mind in a trance.. feel like killing myself right now.. oops.
Anyway.. will be lifeless from now till i see the doctor later.. heart beats to the maximum!! Ohh..and im also having a flu now.. damm.. why! I hate mondays.. mondays sucks to the core.. monday blues.. i dun wish to think abt anything else.. just hope i can still get an extension for a few days or more.. plsssss.. my heart is so unsettled now.. and my mind in a trance.. feel like killing myself right now.. oops.
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A new year... 2011!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
at
1:27 AM
YO!! A new year..2011!! Still can't believe so fast its over..! Feels like screaming and yelling n shouting!! Which i did just now.. lol.. just can't resist the new year mood.. heard many ppl screaming below too.. lol.. everybody is just so high!!
Well, this year is different from last year n previous years.. cos i stayed at home! Every year i will always be out to celebrate the countdown.. but this year had to stay home and watch tv countdown.. well u noe.. anyway, 2010 has been both a good and bad year for me. It is bad for me as i experienced lots of shit from the ah mee esp in my unit.. and also a little bit during the driving course i had with my di.. and also, the sorta bad thing is.. i had a bad fall which caused me to have this injury and to stay at home for abt 5 months plus, which is sorta a "blessing in disguise" to me as i could have a long break, so thats the "good" thing. But anyway, its still bad.. cos it'll take some time for me to recover back to normal state and to walk like before.
I guess there's nothing for me to remember for 2010 though.. not any significant thing that i know of.. so its good that its finally come to an end.. SO now.. 2011!! The year i've been waiting..cos its my ORD year!! Finally!! But still got abt 6 mths plus.. which is still quite long.. aww.. can't wait to get over it soon!!
Now, let's get a little emotional lols.. Well im having mixed feelings actually cos today or rather in a few hours later my mum and sis will be leaving to taiwan.. I really feel like going too! Anyway, i will miss my mum though cos she's been always there for me and took care of me.. im kinda used to relying on her now.. yup. So without her, i'll have to do things on my own and such.. Plus, with just my dad and i, things are a little awkward as im not that close to my dad as compared to my mum.. so i just dunno how to live thru those days with just him and me. But anyway, i will still have to go thru them, so yeah. Though i find my mum a bit naggy at times and wished she wouldn't be ard for a while.. but now that she's going to be away for a week or so.. i kinda missed her presence.. no wonder the phrase, "Absence makes the heart fonder" is so true..
When they come back, its gonna be the end of my mc soon and perhaps i'll have to get back to work again.. but i rly dunno how or wad to do shud i go back, cos given my condition now though i can walk, i can't walk that fast or like normal pace, and gg up and down the stairs is quite a task for me as i can't step with one leg and the other leg on the next step.. i'll have to bring my leg up on the same step for me before i can do it for the other.. lol sounds a bit confusing nvm.. so im just wondering if im to climb the stairs in my camp.. how long will it take.. and also talking abt walking since i can't walk normal pace.. it will take quite sometime for me to walk from the main building of my company to the cookhouse..wonder if that lunch break hour would be enuf for me or not.. so many things to frustrate and think about.. yet i can't do anything abt it.. cos the decision lies in the doctor's hands.. if he decides im ok, then i'll have to go back.. otherwise i'll still be on mc..
SO yeah.. thats the reasons why im having mixed feelings now.. hopefully my leg can quickly recover back to the normal state so i can walk normal pace, run, jump or even squat which i can't do all these for now.. And hope that i can ord soon too.. and that i can go on a vacation to celebrate my ord!!
OK.. i guess i will stop here for now.. HAPPY NEW YEAR to all who's reading this!! May the new year brings hope, peace, love, joy and warmth to everyone.. KK, peace out!!
Well, this year is different from last year n previous years.. cos i stayed at home! Every year i will always be out to celebrate the countdown.. but this year had to stay home and watch tv countdown.. well u noe.. anyway, 2010 has been both a good and bad year for me. It is bad for me as i experienced lots of shit from the ah mee esp in my unit.. and also a little bit during the driving course i had with my di.. and also, the sorta bad thing is.. i had a bad fall which caused me to have this injury and to stay at home for abt 5 months plus, which is sorta a "blessing in disguise" to me as i could have a long break, so thats the "good" thing. But anyway, its still bad.. cos it'll take some time for me to recover back to normal state and to walk like before.
I guess there's nothing for me to remember for 2010 though.. not any significant thing that i know of.. so its good that its finally come to an end.. SO now.. 2011!! The year i've been waiting..cos its my ORD year!! Finally!! But still got abt 6 mths plus.. which is still quite long.. aww.. can't wait to get over it soon!!
Now, let's get a little emotional lols.. Well im having mixed feelings actually cos today or rather in a few hours later my mum and sis will be leaving to taiwan.. I really feel like going too! Anyway, i will miss my mum though cos she's been always there for me and took care of me.. im kinda used to relying on her now.. yup. So without her, i'll have to do things on my own and such.. Plus, with just my dad and i, things are a little awkward as im not that close to my dad as compared to my mum.. so i just dunno how to live thru those days with just him and me. But anyway, i will still have to go thru them, so yeah. Though i find my mum a bit naggy at times and wished she wouldn't be ard for a while.. but now that she's going to be away for a week or so.. i kinda missed her presence.. no wonder the phrase, "Absence makes the heart fonder" is so true..
When they come back, its gonna be the end of my mc soon and perhaps i'll have to get back to work again.. but i rly dunno how or wad to do shud i go back, cos given my condition now though i can walk, i can't walk that fast or like normal pace, and gg up and down the stairs is quite a task for me as i can't step with one leg and the other leg on the next step.. i'll have to bring my leg up on the same step for me before i can do it for the other.. lol sounds a bit confusing nvm.. so im just wondering if im to climb the stairs in my camp.. how long will it take.. and also talking abt walking since i can't walk normal pace.. it will take quite sometime for me to walk from the main building of my company to the cookhouse..wonder if that lunch break hour would be enuf for me or not.. so many things to frustrate and think about.. yet i can't do anything abt it.. cos the decision lies in the doctor's hands.. if he decides im ok, then i'll have to go back.. otherwise i'll still be on mc..
SO yeah.. thats the reasons why im having mixed feelings now.. hopefully my leg can quickly recover back to the normal state so i can walk normal pace, run, jump or even squat which i can't do all these for now.. And hope that i can ord soon too.. and that i can go on a vacation to celebrate my ord!!
OK.. i guess i will stop here for now.. HAPPY NEW YEAR to all who's reading this!! May the new year brings hope, peace, love, joy and warmth to everyone.. KK, peace out!!
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So long...
Monday, December 13, 2010
at
1:37 AM
Wow!! Its been so long... now is December already!! My gosh!! Time sure flies! Looking back, it was still July since i had the incident until now.. Have kinda "rested" for quite long too.. Gotta prepare to go back soon.. Still left like few more mths before ord.. so yeah.. but dunno wad life will be when i go back.. sure got many things change.. its been like so long since i stepped in there again.. Dunno if i'll be going back to repair my tanks again anot? Haha.. anyway, i dun think i can too given my condition.. hopefully can settle for some clerical job bah.. Hmms.. If time cud go back, i wud not want to have this incident at all.. But.. wads happened is happened.. can't turn back time.. Maybe God wanted to let me have this nice long break thats y he planned it all.. Hmms.. okok..
Well, its been like 5 mths now.. and my condition is getting better already. But still can't walk properly yet.. and also can't walk so fast.. Wonder when will i be able to walk like normal again? Hmm.. ok la, still learning how to walk now.. going for physio sessions.. Anyways, even when i recover back le, i'll become like an "endangered specie".. can't afford to fall down anymore again.. If fall down again and bone break, dunno if can repair again or not.. so now must be more careful when i walk le.. Feel so "endangered" lor.. haiz.. Need to pay extra caution when i walk in future.. Hmm.. maybe my bones are brittle thats y.. break so easily.. lol.. haiz.. And also, there's a small little chance i might get the avascular necrosis.. which is a side-effect of the post hip surgery.. oh man so many worries..
Ok lah.. dun think so much le.. but still can't help imagining the worst.. ok, shudn't think anymore le.. forget abt it.. i will walk like normal and lead a normal life again.. !! Alrights..
Well.. now just feeling a bit "restricted" due to the fact im serving the country.. so can't go anywhere i like lol.. felt so "freedom-less" man.. haiz.. lols ok.. enuf of haiz le.. haix.. lol.. kiddingz.. i am very restricted now.. can't go anywhere except to stay at home face the four walls and the ceiling.. really bored ttm!! ZZZ..
Now still left about 7 more mths before i ord.. thinking back, from the day i enlisted until now.. there's time where i go thru many sufferings.. there's also time where i kinda enjoyed it.. Those hard times during BMT leave a scar on me.. i still rmb how the "treatments" i received from some of my bunk mates.. and the tranings.. field camp and so on.. finally POP.. was so happy to get out of it.. Then i got into oeti where life seem a bit much better for me.. Over there, just learn and learn only.. but got to get used to the extreme late hours of bkout timing.. everyday everyone will bkout at 5.30pm sharp whereas for us, we always bkout the latest.. but well, got used to it.. moreover, we all suffered as a team together..so the bonding was there.. Finally the day came where we got our posting.. Was quite sad when i knew abt mine.. as i wud be separated from my fren as he gg another unit different from mine.
The hellish day eventually came when i report to unit for work.. Life there was really hell!! And some of the ppl there also.. this FUS (fk-ed up sgt) of mine really made my life hell.. and my section also the worst out of all.. Everyday work and work like mad.. until so late.. then go back.. Go back also like no energy le.. next day still must report back for work again.. And then.. LAB, ICT.. all the major exercises came and we have to work even more crazier.. OT like almost everyday.. have to face shit everyday.. super shiong and chiong lah.. A lot of hiccups n conflicts between me and that fus of mine n some of the seniors.. Really hellish.. Finally got a "break".. which was the driving course that i was selected to go for..
Felt damn lucky that i was selected!! But.. at first.. i din feel like going cos im gonna stay in and can't bkout everyday.. and also the mental stress i hav to go thru.. But aft thinking thru, i think maybe it wud be a gd chance for me to learn driving and gain some knowledge and skills too.. So i decided to go for it. Life there was like a routine. Everyday wake up, eat breakfast, wait for bus to go kbc, learn driving, come back, sleep.. lol everyday almost the same. Trainings were the worst man.. hell times for me.. as i got this super fierce and strict instructor who always scold and scold during my driving.. suddenly i feel driving is no longer that fun as i tot.. must observe so many things.. can be quite dangerous if u do not drive properly.. But anyway, i still persevered on until the end.. finally the day came for us to take our final test!! I failed the first 3 tests.. and finally passed on the 4th try!! So happy when i passed man!! Finally got my driving license.. woo!! Felt like i've accomplished something in my life.. so was damn happy!!
But life in driving course also not that smooth for me.. Besides all the driving and all.. the ppl there i met are like.. some gd some bad.. but on average, most are still quite gd lah.. just that i felt rather lonely in there. Maybe i just can't click well with the ppl there and my bunk mates. Towards the end of the course, there were a few hiccups between me and some of my bunk mates which led to a conflict among us.. Until now, it still hasn't been resolved yet, but well.. its over already and wads happened is happened already.. So dun wanna think abt it anymore.. Wadever that has happened.. just let it be and leave all the bad memories in there..
After driving course, finally back to unit again.. but then still on that "trying to adapt back" attitude again.. as been abt 2 mths nv go back.. and i also requested to change section and just when everything was going fine as i tot.. then this incident occurred which landed me into where i am today.. Yeah.. but well its all happened so just accept it lor..
Wow!! Felt like i just did a recap of my whole ns life!! Yeah.. but there's still a few more mths to go before i ord.. Can't wait to ord man!! After ord.. still nd to think abt so many things.. study or work.. so many things to plan for future.. wow!! Ok lah.. shall end here now.. bye..
Well, its been like 5 mths now.. and my condition is getting better already. But still can't walk properly yet.. and also can't walk so fast.. Wonder when will i be able to walk like normal again? Hmm.. ok la, still learning how to walk now.. going for physio sessions.. Anyways, even when i recover back le, i'll become like an "endangered specie".. can't afford to fall down anymore again.. If fall down again and bone break, dunno if can repair again or not.. so now must be more careful when i walk le.. Feel so "endangered" lor.. haiz.. Need to pay extra caution when i walk in future.. Hmm.. maybe my bones are brittle thats y.. break so easily.. lol.. haiz.. And also, there's a small little chance i might get the avascular necrosis.. which is a side-effect of the post hip surgery.. oh man so many worries..
Ok lah.. dun think so much le.. but still can't help imagining the worst.. ok, shudn't think anymore le.. forget abt it.. i will walk like normal and lead a normal life again.. !! Alrights..
Well.. now just feeling a bit "restricted" due to the fact im serving the country.. so can't go anywhere i like lol.. felt so "freedom-less" man.. haiz.. lols ok.. enuf of haiz le.. haix.. lol.. kiddingz.. i am very restricted now.. can't go anywhere except to stay at home face the four walls and the ceiling.. really bored ttm!! ZZZ..
Now still left about 7 more mths before i ord.. thinking back, from the day i enlisted until now.. there's time where i go thru many sufferings.. there's also time where i kinda enjoyed it.. Those hard times during BMT leave a scar on me.. i still rmb how the "treatments" i received from some of my bunk mates.. and the tranings.. field camp and so on.. finally POP.. was so happy to get out of it.. Then i got into oeti where life seem a bit much better for me.. Over there, just learn and learn only.. but got to get used to the extreme late hours of bkout timing.. everyday everyone will bkout at 5.30pm sharp whereas for us, we always bkout the latest.. but well, got used to it.. moreover, we all suffered as a team together..so the bonding was there.. Finally the day came where we got our posting.. Was quite sad when i knew abt mine.. as i wud be separated from my fren as he gg another unit different from mine.
The hellish day eventually came when i report to unit for work.. Life there was really hell!! And some of the ppl there also.. this FUS (fk-ed up sgt) of mine really made my life hell.. and my section also the worst out of all.. Everyday work and work like mad.. until so late.. then go back.. Go back also like no energy le.. next day still must report back for work again.. And then.. LAB, ICT.. all the major exercises came and we have to work even more crazier.. OT like almost everyday.. have to face shit everyday.. super shiong and chiong lah.. A lot of hiccups n conflicts between me and that fus of mine n some of the seniors.. Really hellish.. Finally got a "break".. which was the driving course that i was selected to go for..
Felt damn lucky that i was selected!! But.. at first.. i din feel like going cos im gonna stay in and can't bkout everyday.. and also the mental stress i hav to go thru.. But aft thinking thru, i think maybe it wud be a gd chance for me to learn driving and gain some knowledge and skills too.. So i decided to go for it. Life there was like a routine. Everyday wake up, eat breakfast, wait for bus to go kbc, learn driving, come back, sleep.. lol everyday almost the same. Trainings were the worst man.. hell times for me.. as i got this super fierce and strict instructor who always scold and scold during my driving.. suddenly i feel driving is no longer that fun as i tot.. must observe so many things.. can be quite dangerous if u do not drive properly.. But anyway, i still persevered on until the end.. finally the day came for us to take our final test!! I failed the first 3 tests.. and finally passed on the 4th try!! So happy when i passed man!! Finally got my driving license.. woo!! Felt like i've accomplished something in my life.. so was damn happy!!
But life in driving course also not that smooth for me.. Besides all the driving and all.. the ppl there i met are like.. some gd some bad.. but on average, most are still quite gd lah.. just that i felt rather lonely in there. Maybe i just can't click well with the ppl there and my bunk mates. Towards the end of the course, there were a few hiccups between me and some of my bunk mates which led to a conflict among us.. Until now, it still hasn't been resolved yet, but well.. its over already and wads happened is happened already.. So dun wanna think abt it anymore.. Wadever that has happened.. just let it be and leave all the bad memories in there..
After driving course, finally back to unit again.. but then still on that "trying to adapt back" attitude again.. as been abt 2 mths nv go back.. and i also requested to change section and just when everything was going fine as i tot.. then this incident occurred which landed me into where i am today.. Yeah.. but well its all happened so just accept it lor..
Wow!! Felt like i just did a recap of my whole ns life!! Yeah.. but there's still a few more mths to go before i ord.. Can't wait to ord man!! After ord.. still nd to think abt so many things.. study or work.. so many things to plan for future.. wow!! Ok lah.. shall end here now.. bye..
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Update for november
Sunday, November 14, 2010
at
11:52 PM
Wow, its november already. Here's some updates.. but first, there's sth i wanna rant about.. and that's my laptop! Yeah, i think its kinda dying on me already. First, the screen keep flickering non-stop, and now.. the charger got problem! DANG!!~ Rmb i said the charger which i put the black tape on? At first it does work, but after a while, it doesn't seem to work already.. i have to pull and push the wire at a desired postion to make sure the charging light lights up.. man its so troublesome! Too bad my warranty's over, can't get a free replacement charger. :( Oh wells.. just see if it got sold outside or not.. but it'll be a while before i could step outside though. So, just gotta try and tahan with this for a while. I think my lappy's really dying liao.. can't wait to get a new one.. but.. no $$!! :(( Thinking abt the fact my dad bought my sis her new laptop makes me go green.. i noe he wun buy for me one lah.. haiz.. will have to make do with this old lappy of mine until i have enuf $$ to buy a new one. :X
Okays, lets talk about my condition now. Went for my review as stated and this time, it was slightly gd and bad news. Gd news is, the doctor say i can put abt 50% of my weight onto my left leg and can try walking with one crutch instead of two. So i've been practising recently, and it does pretty fine.. only i have to walk a bit slowly and like a bit unsteady. Bad news is, i got a shorter mc this time.. ok initially i have a thinking that i might get at least 2 mths of mc again as i feel i haven recovered yet and still nd more time, but then the doc says my condition looks well so he gave me only 1 mth. Im not trying to drag my mc, but i just feel i still nd more time to recover fully.. given my current condition n i still can't walk without crutches yet. Nvm, there's still another review, and tats the last day of my mc.. which means i have to extend it again most likely.
So regarding my condition, i would say its slightly better now. I can walk with one crutch but slowly.. still need more practise. Just when i was optimistic about my recovery, sth happened ytd. I stepped on the floor with my left foot.. but dunno y, i felt some kind of crack on my foot.. like a litle sprain or sth. And even now the pain still haven subside.. hope its not the bones break or wad.. dad says bones cannot break so easily one.. so i hope its just a minor sprain and the pain will go away soon after applying the medicated oil onto it. Hopefully tmr the pain will go away so i can go back to practise walking again.
And now putting things aside, just wanna share some of my thoughts. To some ppl, i might appear to be a bit "cold and unfeeling" when it comes to texting and replying msgs. First of all, i wanna say im not a person who will take the iniative. Im not trying to purposely wait for ppl to approach me or wad, but its just not me. Maybe its due to the hurts i accumulated over the last few years that i have seen enough of ppl already.. so now i start to be more wary and doubtful of ppl, unable to put my trust in them again. But, being a passive person does not mean im bad, and tat doesnt mean i dun care abt ppl ard me anymore. I still care.. in my heart, but i just dun say it out.
Secondly, when it comes to replying msgs, sometimes i take a bit of time to reply, its not bcos i purposely drag and wait until the last min to do so.. cos i have this so-called "words constipation". I dunno wad to reply at all. So i have to think for a while before i can reply. This is the same for me when it comes to talking, for certain ppl and certain time. Mostly is in the army, many at times i just dunno wad to say that will make it feel right for everybody. And some ppl say i am "slow in my thinking". Maybe its cos due to those hurts, i hav become more closed up and reserved, not talking very often, thus losing the sense of talking n so i dun even noe wad to talk abt at times.
Sometimes, i dun even noe how to express myself.. and often make a fool out of myself.. feel so embarrassed. I wanna be confident and to be able to like "overlook" everything.. just simpy dun care and be myself.. but i just can't. This is just me. I am just who i am. Accept what u cannot change, change what u cannot accept. But i think the former is more logical.
Ok thats all i have to say... i noe i always write long n draggy posts.. perhaps its just me.. and my TTM (think too much) inspiration that helped me to write such a long essay.. enough to make into a novel liao.. Wow, i think if i were to publish all my thoughts and opinions i written here on my blog into a book, it can really become a novel and a book with at most a hundred pages. Hmm.. idea.. kk, tata!
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Food for thoughts
Friday, October 29, 2010
at
12:36 AM
I've changed my blog song again! This time, its the song called Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars. Damn, im so in love with this song!! Nice, soothing, lovely, amazing.. its just "heavenly". Oh, so beautiful. And the lyrics are well-written too. Its now no. 1 on my playlist and i can listen to this song hundred times without getting bored of it. Recently, i just started listening to eng songs.. and im beginning to become an eng pop fan already rather than mandarin pop fan. Previously, there arent many eng songs in my mp3 player. But right now, i have like a plentiful! Such as teenage dream, california gurls, impossible, baby, take it off and many more.. Man, i think i love eng songs more than mandarin songs now! Oh but when i hear some new mandarin songs played by my sis, i get interested and went to look for them. So there's also a few chinese songs on my list. And one of my favourites is Elva's Cuo De Ren. This song is very emotional and feeling.
Okok, enough about songs.. im too crazy about them..lol. Anyway, my sis just left for bangkok this morning. I feel like going overseas too! When can i do that?? Have to wait for my injury to recover first.. dunno how long it will take. Each time i visit the doctor, they will only tell me they have to wait and see if the bone is properly intact before they can allow me to go for physiotherapy. Its been a long time already. I rly dun wish to wait anymore. I just want to start physio so i can start walking asap!
Its been 3-4 mths since im stuck at home. During this period, i feel like im just living in solitude, although i have parents to talk to. But when they're not around, life just revolves around me and me alone. Im just so lonely. Hmm, it feels like im stuck in a time trap during this 3-4 months period. Although time seems to be moving, but it has stopped for me. Im just like stuck in a timeless environment. Where nothing seems to move at all. Everything has frozen. My life is just like plain water. Same old routines everyday. Before that, my life isn't aint that colourful either. Apart from work, there's also nth much i can do. The good thing is, at least i could busy myself with work and nd to think abt so much things and there's ppl to talk to in camp so i won't feel lonely too. But now, its just me, myself and i. Its such a cold feeling. Maybe im destined to live a life like this. Im kinda used to it already. Perhaps it'll nv change.
Sometimes i ask myself, why am i born this way? Why can't i be like other people who can crack jokes, be funny or know wad to say at the right time? Forget it, im just not born a linguistic person. I dont even know how to express myself now. I wish i am just like an operating system, programmed to do what people wants me to do. So i need not think abt wad to do at times. Its so frustrating not knowing what to do at times.
Ok tats all.. will be going for my review this coming mon. Damn sian, have to go thru the x-rays and all the procedures again.. Hopefully i can start physio soon.. so i can start walking and go back to my normal life.. alrite, i'll end here.. bye.
Okok, enough about songs.. im too crazy about them..lol. Anyway, my sis just left for bangkok this morning. I feel like going overseas too! When can i do that?? Have to wait for my injury to recover first.. dunno how long it will take. Each time i visit the doctor, they will only tell me they have to wait and see if the bone is properly intact before they can allow me to go for physiotherapy. Its been a long time already. I rly dun wish to wait anymore. I just want to start physio so i can start walking asap!
Its been 3-4 mths since im stuck at home. During this period, i feel like im just living in solitude, although i have parents to talk to. But when they're not around, life just revolves around me and me alone. Im just so lonely. Hmm, it feels like im stuck in a time trap during this 3-4 months period. Although time seems to be moving, but it has stopped for me. Im just like stuck in a timeless environment. Where nothing seems to move at all. Everything has frozen. My life is just like plain water. Same old routines everyday. Before that, my life isn't aint that colourful either. Apart from work, there's also nth much i can do. The good thing is, at least i could busy myself with work and nd to think abt so much things and there's ppl to talk to in camp so i won't feel lonely too. But now, its just me, myself and i. Its such a cold feeling. Maybe im destined to live a life like this. Im kinda used to it already. Perhaps it'll nv change.
Sometimes i ask myself, why am i born this way? Why can't i be like other people who can crack jokes, be funny or know wad to say at the right time? Forget it, im just not born a linguistic person. I dont even know how to express myself now. I wish i am just like an operating system, programmed to do what people wants me to do. So i need not think abt wad to do at times. Its so frustrating not knowing what to do at times.
Ok tats all.. will be going for my review this coming mon. Damn sian, have to go thru the x-rays and all the procedures again.. Hopefully i can start physio soon.. so i can start walking and go back to my normal life.. alrite, i'll end here.. bye.
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Its October!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
at
12:32 AM
Been quite a while since i last updated. Before i start, i really hate the flickering screen that i am seeing right now.. Yes its my laptop's LCD screen. It keeps flickering non-stop. Gosh.. its driving me crazy.. *hits hard on the laptop's back* yeah thats wad i did.. grrr.. cos im rly angry with it for flickering non-stop.. and i do not noe how to stop it.. mannn.. i guess its telling me that it wanna retire already.. Anyway, this laptop's been with me for almost 4 years, since the day i bought it at 2006. And that was the first time i ever got a laptop in my whole life!! Man im so jubilant! Delighted!! Way before that, i've played with my cuz's laptop and i find it real cool.. to have like a "pocket computer" whereby u can carry ard wherever u go..
However, this was not the case for me.. I didn't really bring my lappy ard in school although most ppl do.. i always leave it at home for fear of ppl stealing.. and also cos its heavy.. and i dun rly need it. The only time i brought it out was to the library for a project, and tat was the first time i find it a hassle instead of fun to bring it ard. Thats becos the battery can;t last long!! And i hav to find an outlet to plug my charger in to charge it.. Then other probs resurfaced.. such as the charger got spoiled due to my frequent coiling of the wire.. when it finally pronounced dead, i brought it to the repair centre to exchange for a new one, lucky i was still under warranty that time.. But now.. this new one which i've been using for quite a long time.. is also gg to say gdbye to me.. The wire somehow is a bit frayed with a bit of it exposing.. i have to use black tape and tape it up so it wont get exposed.. and sometimes, the electric can flow sometimes cannot.. So becos of this, its HARD to charge my laptop and becos the battery runs out very fast.. i need to charge it very often whenever i turned on my com. Felt like my com is on the verge of dying.. i wanna get it replaced.. but not enuf $$.. if only i saved enough $$ i can get a new one.. Well, its all about $$$ these days.. isn't it?
Okok.. so where was i?? Keep talking abt the laptop thing.. Oh yeah, its already October!! Gosh.. so fast man.. yeah and so fast in a few wks time, i'll be gg back for my next review at the hospital again! That kind of feeling is like coming upon me again.. not sure how will everything turn out.. And whether my mc will be extended again or not and by how long.. i rly do not noe.. On one hand, i yearn to have longer mc as i kinda enjoy wad im doing now (though its kind of boring, but its also a "gd" lifestyle.. eat-slp-eat-slp..) But then on the other hand, i also can't wait to learn to walk again so i can go back to normal lifestyle.. Man, its so hard to decide between the two.. Hmms, of course i wish i could walk so i can go back to normal again.. As for now, really dunno wad is gg to happen next, so can only wait and see wad the doc have to say before i can even think abt anything else.
As im typing this now, my com screen keep blinking and flickering.. i rly hate it!!! Im gonna whack it already!! Yes i just gave it a hard knock on its back!! And it kinda returned to normal!! Well this is wad i did everytime i see the screen flickering.. i noe its bad to hit it.. but i have no choice.. if i dun hit, it will keep flickering non-stop.. so the solution is to hit it!! Damn.. i rly wanna change a new one liao.. but $$$$$!!! Arghhhh!!!
Kk, enuf abt laptop and $$$... Hmms, well its been almost 3 and 1/2 mths since the accident happened and i was being grounded at home. So missed the world outside.. Wondering when can i ever go out to see the world again?? Oks.. nth much to talk abt though.. just noe that my company's building have been moved to a new one.. haven got to see it.. but i supposed it shud be better than the old.. So many things have changed..
Sometimes, i just wonder, wad would it be like if i were born in a different country? Would i be like what i am now? They say, "The grass is always greener on the other side". Yes its so true i keep thinking its so gd to be living in another country.. but is that really true? I rly dunnoe.. im kinda influenced by the Westerners... i rly wish to become Western one day.. or will i not? Hmms.. we'll see.. too many things to decided already.. afterall its the future.. no one noes wad tmr will bring isn't it?
Okays.. i guess thats all i have to say.. sayonara!
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