Winzzy's World Of Thoughts

Haven been updating for a while.. just feel like "venting" out some of my anger here..

To many who think now that im already a clerk is a gd life.. seriously its HELL NO!! I've nv led a gd life all the way since im back till now.. To make things simpler, i wasn't chosen to be a clerk.. its cos of my injury that i was forced to be one. If i was chosen by them willingly, at least things wont be so bad.. Currently, almost everybody in my pln has that thinking that i just came back from a "long holiday".. that i am enjoying that 5-6 mths of mc at home and so now im not given anymore privileges of getting those time-off lobangs like attend courses, talks or wadsoever.. its so maddening lor!!

To them, they just think.. im enjoying happily at home.. but do they noe the pain and sufferings i have to go thru?? The feeling of using crutches to walk and not able to walk properly?? The inconveniences i have to put up with and so on... they dun even noe, yet they just straightaway conclude that i have a gd long mc stay at home.. and that leads to a misconception that i "keng-ed" to have this accident so i can stay at home.. so all they say is "CK CK CK.." Its very frustrating to hear when its not the truth at all.. This accident was completely unexpected.. i din noe its gg to happen to me at all!! So i seriously did not CK at all.. but haiz.. their mindsets are like that lah.. can't be helped..

Although im a clerk doesn't mean i have nth to do.. office jobs are not that easy too.. furthermore, i nd to handle both admin and ES side.. the ES already very frustrating enough.. still got admin to handle.. im seriously having a headache!! Yet no one seems to bother and care abt the pain that im gg thru..

I really feel like im not myself at all in camp.. im just a lowly person who can get trampled on by others easily.. i dun even have any status at all in camp.. Wadever i say or do will just become a joke infront of others.. Its rly very hurting to hear those words and humiliation that came out from those ppl's mouth.. but i can't seem to fight back either.. im just too useless..

Ytd, a lot of shits just happened.. First, they say i didn't keep my staff sgt's card properly after using that cos i tot others wan to use so i put there and nv keep it so when he found out abt it, he was crossed and took the card n lock it.. but my upperstudy made it seem like its my fault tat i din keep the card properly.. Talking abt my upperstudy, i used to think he's a nice guy but now not anymore.. he's just a "bus3rd" who goes along with the flow and think im a CK-ster and always wan to find ways to keng.. he's just trying to be nice to me infront of others but deep down, he doesnt like me at all i noe.. from the way he spoke to me i can tell already but anw he's gg to ord soon.. so i just hope i no nd see him anymore..

And then, there's this fren of mine.. last time used to be a nice fren.. now just promoted to 3sg becoming more and more arrogant and like to use his authority on those who he thinks are easy to be targeted.. like me.. He always likes to find trouble with me by picking on me.. almost everything i do seems wrong to him and he always finds every little opportunity to get me.. making my life hell.. fucking hell!! In wad way did i offend him?? WHy must he do this to me!!? And he's also a christian.. thats even more fucking bad!! Not all christians are gd i guess.. Character is still the most important thing.. so wad if u are a christan but ur character is like a rotten apple??

I can go on and on but the list wun stop.. too many bad things that happened.. Now i really feel like gg back to the days where im on mc.. at least i dun have to care a single shit abt work.. no stress at all!! I really wanna go back man.. but then, i also wan faster ord so i can get out of this hell and shithole..

Am just thinking about posting out to a diff camp if possible cos there's this guy in my camp tat i noe of who's suffering from depression and is rly treated very badly by ppl.. at least he'll be gg to mmi and soon get posted out.. but me?? continue to get treated like fuck in the camp where no one even care a single hoot abt me..

Should i also write letter to mmi stating i wanna post out.. or continue in this living hell?? Still got like few more months before i ord.. long long way to go.. damn it!!

I rly hate life man!!