Okays, lets talk about my condition now. Went for my review as stated and this time, it was slightly gd and bad news. Gd news is, the doctor say i can put abt 50% of my weight onto my left leg and can try walking with one crutch instead of two. So i've been practising recently, and it does pretty fine.. only i have to walk a bit slowly and like a bit unsteady. Bad news is, i got a shorter mc this time.. ok initially i have a thinking that i might get at least 2 mths of mc again as i feel i haven recovered yet and still nd more time, but then the doc says my condition looks well so he gave me only 1 mth. Im not trying to drag my mc, but i just feel i still nd more time to recover fully.. given my current condition n i still can't walk without crutches yet. Nvm, there's still another review, and tats the last day of my mc.. which means i have to extend it again most likely.
So regarding my condition, i would say its slightly better now. I can walk with one crutch but slowly.. still need more practise. Just when i was optimistic about my recovery, sth happened ytd. I stepped on the floor with my left foot.. but dunno y, i felt some kind of crack on my foot.. like a litle sprain or sth. And even now the pain still haven subside.. hope its not the bones break or wad.. dad says bones cannot break so easily one.. so i hope its just a minor sprain and the pain will go away soon after applying the medicated oil onto it. Hopefully tmr the pain will go away so i can go back to practise walking again.
And now putting things aside, just wanna share some of my thoughts. To some ppl, i might appear to be a bit "cold and unfeeling" when it comes to texting and replying msgs. First of all, i wanna say im not a person who will take the iniative. Im not trying to purposely wait for ppl to approach me or wad, but its just not me. Maybe its due to the hurts i accumulated over the last few years that i have seen enough of ppl already.. so now i start to be more wary and doubtful of ppl, unable to put my trust in them again. But, being a passive person does not mean im bad, and tat doesnt mean i dun care abt ppl ard me anymore. I still care.. in my heart, but i just dun say it out.
Secondly, when it comes to replying msgs, sometimes i take a bit of time to reply, its not bcos i purposely drag and wait until the last min to do so.. cos i have this so-called "words constipation". I dunno wad to reply at all. So i have to think for a while before i can reply. This is the same for me when it comes to talking, for certain ppl and certain time. Mostly is in the army, many at times i just dunno wad to say that will make it feel right for everybody. And some ppl say i am "slow in my thinking". Maybe its cos due to those hurts, i hav become more closed up and reserved, not talking very often, thus losing the sense of talking n so i dun even noe wad to talk abt at times.
Sometimes, i dun even noe how to express myself.. and often make a fool out of myself.. feel so embarrassed. I wanna be confident and to be able to like "overlook" everything.. just simpy dun care and be myself.. but i just can't. This is just me. I am just who i am. Accept what u cannot change, change what u cannot accept. But i think the former is more logical.
Ok thats all i have to say... i noe i always write long n draggy posts.. perhaps its just me.. and my TTM (think too much) inspiration that helped me to write such a long essay.. enough to make into a novel liao.. Wow, i think if i were to publish all my thoughts and opinions i written here on my blog into a book, it can really become a novel and a book with at most a hundred pages. Hmm.. idea.. kk, tata!
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