Winzzy's World Of Thoughts

Wow.. its now the 3rd week of Driving course.. i mean its over.. gg to be 4th.. but i always update it on weekends so yup. 1 week lesser. Duh..

Ok.. so wad did i learn the past week??

Basically i went to retake my circuit driving assessment.. S-course and crank course and slope was my BIGGEST fear.. but.. i passed!! So happy!! YAY!! Lol.. actually a lot of ppl alrdy passed before me so im like one of the last few to catch up lor.. hahaa.. Yeah, but passing is a gd thing.. that means i can drive on.. PUBLIC roads!! Time to join other road users.. hee..

Yes, and so i began driving on public roads since last tues.. oh man it was a sweat!! Not easy.. defintiely not easy to drive on public.. with so many cars behind u and all... sometimes i panic then i stall engine in the middle of a traffic light turning green.. my DI did f me.. and got cars behind horn me also.. so malu lor -.-... I can only say.. its rly an "experience" to drive on public roads.. so right now i can say, i still haven conquer the fear in me to drive on public roads.. i still scared.. lo.. haiz..

Anw.. there's also another assessment.. and thats my die die biggest fear.. PARKING!! Its realy hellish!! Cos everytime during practice.. we din have much time to do.. as one person can only do like 10 mins or so.. and i always nv practice finish and successfully.. so ask me do parking test is like im so gonna fail it. True enuf, my first try i failed :(.. The 2nd try.. i passed!! So lucky.. so happy.. after i grasp the techniques from the instructors.. i tried to do it myself and POOM!! It was a lucky shot.. and and, it din HIT THE POLE!! As hitting the pole considered IMMEDIATE failure!! So yeah.. im so lucky.. when i hear the pole drop, i tot it was mine!! So scary lor... still in sweat even after i finished it.. So, there were 2 parkings to be done.. one parallel and one reverse.. i nv did parellel for more than once.. so that day was rly very lucky i cud do it.. and the reverse.. its quite easy to bang pole.. lucky i din.. whew. again.

Last assessment i took on sat was the PUBLIC ROAD assessment!! And...... i failed.. :( haha.. din mean to pass either.. but my DI was rly angry that i failed.. gave me a gd scolding.. :( Haiz... i did the best i can.. but the marking is so strict.. more than 11 demerit points consitutes a failure.. and me got 23 demerit points.. haha.. lol.. NOT EASY LOR!! Haiz.. monday will retake the test again.. but this time its at KBC.. even harder man!! Cos got slope.. Oh gosh!!

Yeah so basically the routine is always like this.. every day.. 1/2 of the time will go driving, the rest of the 1/2 will do theory.. oya.. HSP!! What is HSP?? Its Highway Situational Problems.. its a TEST!! Even much much harder than HIGHWAY CODE.. oh gosh!!! Im so scared...

SO right now, got 2 tests need to pass.. HSP and Public road assessment.. hope i can pass!!!

Thats all bah... 1 day of book out really damn sad.. nth much to do except resting at home..

Oyeah, last week got go out with Dom to Marina Bay Sands.. beautiful place!! Then this week, i just met kin yew and aim on sat night.. it was a gd day out!! :)

Ok bah... got to go now.. wanna buy mp3 player.. mine spoil.. gotta go SLS later... tata!!

Basically, i just started Circuit Driving this week and there are rly lots to learn!!

First, got to meet my DI (Driving Instructor) who is VERY EXTREMELY FIERCE!! Yes.. i can vouch for that.. but then his teaching is gd lah..

So, everytime i drive very stress.. make any mistake will kena the harsh scoldings... Firstly, i learn how to control the landrover, all the controls and so on.. then next learn how to turn.. Turning is really not easy!! U have to get the dashboard in line with the kerb when turning LEFT.. and turning RIGHT is another matter.. sometimes u have to gauge HOW MUCH to turn and WHEN to turn.. so its not very easy.. turn early.. kena scolding, turn late, also kena scolding.. but turn just nice..

Apart from that, also nd to learn how to control the gear.. and i rly hate this part.. cos everytime got to clutch in then change gear and i still not v gd at it.. and whenever u stop at the stop line, must pull handbrake and engage 1st gear.. that is sth which i always forgot.. so my DI keep reminding me by F-ing me thru and thru..

Every driving lesson with him is like HELL.. 100 mins of HELL.. F words, scoldings.. all so harsh.. to the extent i can't take it.. but i noe its gonna make me to be a stronger person and better person at driving too..

Only thing is, when i can't do things which most of my peers are doing now such as turning and so on.. properly, i get quite demoralised and wonder to myself.. Why others can do but i cannot?? Why they learn fast and i cannot learn fast?? I really feel very demoralised.. and wanted to give up driving already.. Cos, driving is not fun at all.. its so stressed.. until i got headache!! I dun feel like driving anymore...

I rly dunno how long i can keep up with driving.. my passion for driving now is only 50%.. sometimes feel like im being forced to drive..

I failed my first CD assessment... but i dun feel sad. Cos i alrdy noe i wud fail.. but maybe i still hope that i cud pass.. anyway, its ok.. i dun wanna drive at public road yet!! But, its my DI who dun wanna see me in circuit anymore.. he wan me to drive in public rd.. so he gonna PUSH ME TO THE MAX until i pass and got more confidence then can drive in public rd..

Haiz.. booking out and in is the WORST.. Bk out on SAT AFTERNOON, bk in back on SUNDAY 9pm.. machiam only 1 day liddat.. i rly have not much time left in the civilian world at all.. i just hope when im free at times, i can meet up with some of my close frens and catch up with them thats all.. afterall i just feel my time is very limited, with more than 80% of my time dedicated to ns.. left only 20% for myself and my frens..

I just hope i can make more frens thruout my time in this Driving Course.. im still working on that.. Sociliaising is a big big problem to me.. esp i can't talk very gd.. sometimes i respond too slow and got ppl quite pissed off with me... i rly hate myself.. for not talking well.. why am i born to be like this..

Haiz... going to book in soon later... nth much moe to say... just see how it goes.. if i rly cannot carry on anymore, then i will think of giving up le..

Thats all...

Buaiz.

Recently, lots of things happened.. haha, i noe its always this phrase but well it is.. time flies isn't it? Now is already April.

Ok anyways, will be away soon.. gg for a driving course next tues.. gosh, stay in for 2 mths plus.. hate it man!! But, after that talk with my msg, i rly feel i shud go for it and not waste that rare chance.. such opportunites are very hard to come by.. so well i shud treasure it.. Guess im not rly used to stay in after so long of stay out.. but well, its back to BMT again! Hmms...

Im sick now.. :( sadly, having a runny nose which is irritiating to the core!! Went to see doc and got 2 days mc. Need to rest man!! Rly can't afford to fall sick anymore.. the course will be starting soon.. so pls, gotta get well soon! :)

This is the month of April.. so many of my frens will be gg away, including me.. First, Aim will be gg to Thailand for his Sgt course.. XY also gg ROC.. and me will be away for course for 2 mths too.

Sigh.. shall take this as a get-away trip then.. be back in july..

Till then!

Well, just last wk, God placed sbdy to be with me in my section, but then its only temporary.. This guy was none other than Dextre who was in the m113 section. As our section is short of manpower and he has just came back from his driving course... so he was asked to join our section. At first i tot it wud be a permanent one, but only to realise its only temp.. Actually with his presence, it rly did help me a lot. Why? Cos he's also in the same church as me.. CHC!! Yeah.. fellow bros in christ!! That made it easier for us to get along wif each other. Although sometimes will get chided by my sgt, but his presence is just like "God".. upon seeing him, all my worries and frustrations will be gone.. he's just like an angel sent by God. At first i got to know dex thru sushi, my oje mate.. they were in m113.. first time din noe he was a christian, as his attitude dun rly show.. only thru this time den i got to noe he's also a chc-ian too! It was rly a jubilant news.. to noe that someone of the same church is in the same section as me!!

But however... as i said, he's only temporary.. and plus, next 2 wks he'll be having ICT.. so he wun be around.. thus its back to where i am again.. thats why i nd to be independent.. i think God wants me to be independent.. by taking him away from me.. God wants me to survive on my own.. i hope i can do so.. becos i've been quite reliant on dex ever since he came to our section last wk.. i rly hope he can stay with us for longer periods.. but well.. maybe God just wan me to be more independent so he took dex away..

So well i hope i can be more independent...

Peace and serenity... listening to some peaceful melody is wad i want now...

Doing yoga on the beach...

Imagination..

Independent!!

I can do it!!

RAH!

Becos of LAB, we have been so busy busy busy... everyday OT OT OT... its all LAB's fault!!

Sometimes when i go camp, rly dun hav the passion n drive to work, but still must force myself to.. I just can't help it.. i dun like to sweat (not that much) like a bucket of water.. i hate to get inside that confined space.. worse still, i have to squat like mad everytime... i dun like to squat and can't squat that long, it will cause my foot to be very painful!! Haiz... anyway, LAB is coming in ONE week's time... after that, we'll have ICT... eveyrthing will only die down in 12th april.. by then it will be more relaxed.. but but.. still gotta wait so long!! Arghhhh!! I can't wait any longer!!

How i wish i dun have to do all these unnecessary stuff anymore.. afterall they are just some useless piece of scrap metal waiting to be destroyed sooner or later. Ns ns ns.. i hate it to the core!! I rly hate it... why must i be in the most suckiest section out of all the sections in my platoon?? WHY?? Why..God why... did u place me to be here??!!

I rly just wish i can slack all day long...... no nd to do anything... isn't that gd?? I can't stand the amt of workload.. everytime i go to office after breakfast, straightaway its work work work.. other sections still can sit down n rest.. why i can't?? And many at times, there's no breaks at all... not until the last hr.. where everyone packing up and rdy to bkout..

On another note, my sis has just flown to genting... so gd sia.. i wanna go tooo!! I feel like gg to another place out of here.... rmbing the times i went to tioman island, it was just splendid!! Truly a getaway indeed!! I just want to bask in an open space under the big sun.. and listen to the calm waves of the sea and enjoying the cool sea breeze... when will i ever get to do that again?? Its been quite some time since i get to enjoy sun, sand and sea... rly feel like gg to enjoy it once more... the last time i been to these places were our oeti cohesion outing at sentosa... it was a day of fun and laughter.. most enjoyed..

Kk la, nth much to say liao... only can say, the road ahead lies even more... so yeah, life just moves on... it just moves on...

The topic is Uncertainty.. Why?? Becos im so uncertain of many things, so unsure of wad to do now and then.

Its like... im already thinking.. wat am i gg to do after i ord?? The "traditional" way would be to enrol in a university to continue studying.. but with that meagre gpa of mine, i dun even noe i can qualify for a local u or not.. plus, im not sure wad course i wan to pursue too.. im so vexed.

Can i blame NS for all these that have happened?? NS is nothing but just piece of crap.. waste time waste ppl effort only. If not for ns, i would have already set out a path on wad to do after i grad from poly.. but becos of ns, i gotta wait for 2 long yrs before i can do anything.. and somehow or rather, my mind have "degraded".. i can't think like before again.. no longer quick witted and all.. ns just really transforms ppl to slow and useless creatures.. ns.. all ns fault!!

Wad hav ns done in my life so far?? Nothing!! From the start.. BMT to OETI to my current unit.. it does NOTHING at all!! So wtf i need ns for?? Seriously no point at all..

Argghhh.. now is the period to apply for universtites admission but i just dun feel like doing it.. im so uncertain wad to do.. shud i just wait after ord then decided wad to do? or shud i decided now?? dammm... this ns is like taking my life away.. i dunno wad to do except to rot here and let days go by.. i dun seem to do anything productive anymore..

Actually my mind is thinking, maybe i'll go SIM or private u to study.. or maybe just find a job elsewhere but hopefully the job is a gd one then i just be content and happy.. like my cousin lester, he's now working as an IT support for his company.. that's cool.. so shud i rly go further my studies or go into the working world after ord?? This is rly wad puzzles me.. i dunno wad i shud do..

Anyways.. there's still a long way before ord.. so dun rly feel like thinking abt it.. no pt thinking abt it too.. haiiz..

I just feel like rotting.. haaiiz... no purpose life.. godammn it sucks!