Winzzy's World Of Thoughts

Let's cut things short. So this wk, had my TP.. and guess wad?? I failed. :( Yes, i failed.. :(!!! Arghhh!!! Dammit.. its not becos of major faults, but its cos of 22 demerit points.. anything more than 10 constitutes a fail. so yup. Anyways, i did my best so i can only say, i'll try harder next time. But before i can go for the next test, nd to clock 200 mins of driving and 50km!! AHH!! thats wad i hate most.. but no choice.. :( hope to pass the next test.. which is the 2nd!!

Secondly, its abt the ppl and all.. now my bunk is split into grps.. with those PSP-gamers united as one, 2 indian tamils as 1, then me, and 2 other guys are the ones that do not fit in to the groups.. but those 2 they have their own frens outside the bunks.. as for me, i have no one else.. just me alone.. so im kinda outcasted and left out.

Try to make frens and talk to ppl but dunno y, there's always a certain point i can reach.. its like, once i hit that point, my frenship level with the person stops.. its hard to evolve. Thats my weakness.. unable to carry the conversation well..

Another thing, some of the ppl, esp those in my bunk always like to make fun of me.. becos the tamil indian guy dunno how to pronounce my surname correctly, ended up they called me "Ah Tai".. (stupid name right.. i noe).. which further became.. "Gong Tai Tai".. as it was called by my unit fren, Ho. He created that name and all of a sudden, everyone calls me that.. i rly hate it lor.. u noe the meaning right.. it means silly.. and a bit of blur.. yeah, which kinda resembled who i am in army.. Slow and blur and everything.. DAMMIT. I rly hate myself in the army.. why must i be like this??

Got one incident, where my unit fren, Ash, put his bag on top of mine.. and cos i wanna get sth out of my bag, i nd to remove his bag away, so i took out his bag, and put it on the next bench with a "little bit of force".. but to him, im like "throwing it".. and wads more, it contained his PSP charger inside.. so he was kinda angry with me.. but then at this time, one of my coursemate, Sam.. saw it and he said it was not my fault that i "threw" it.. its cos his bag was on top of my bag so he said i had the right and asked me not to apologise.. i felt it was kinda true.. after so long, i have always been "under the foot of others".. its time to stand up for myself already i tot!! So i held up courage and said .. it wasn't my fault.. and as expected, a vehement arguement occurred which left to a cold war between me and Ash.. back in the bunk, he also treated me coldly.. i just ignored him and bear with it as i noe.. he always tends to treat me well when i am "under his foot".. i just feel so lowdown.. why must i go to this state?? I wanna stand up for my ownself and pride..

But sooner or later, as the next day awaits.. everything sunk in.. somehow he "forgave" me.. decided not to look on the matter and we became "normal frens" to where we were before again.. and thats the time where im "under his foot" again... kena laughed at and made fun of.. Gong Dai Dai.. that stupid name kept repeating in my ears.. sometimes i just hoped i cud shout and retort back at them.. but im just too timid and dun dare.. yeah i hate myself.. why am i so timid!!?? I rly hate myself!! I just wanted to shout back and ask them not to call me GTT anymore.. but cos im scared and dun dare, they just continued doing that... haiz, tell me wad shud i do, God.. shud i stand up for myself or continued to get "mocked" by them?? I feel like a weakling lor.. everyone look down on me.. haiz..

Im just such a weakling... hate myself to the core!!!! :(((((((((

Sometimes, i wanna scold back but just cannot get the wisdom to scold.. dunno wad words to scold and end up making a fool of myself.. so i rather not scold back at all.. hmmms.. wad shud i do... i wanna get respect from them... Sam told me that i have to earn respect by myself.. and thats to be firm when im right.. to stand up for my rights.. hmms.. guess i'll try it..

God, no matter wad.. help me by keeping me strong, noe how to defend myself, not let others bully me... God come and be my helper..

Alright enuf of all these sob stories.. i just wanna pass my TP and go to Man Truck course.. and perhaps finish the whole course ASAP.. sometimes i just wanna pass out of the course right away and dun wanna waste anymore time in it..

Ok fine.. thats the end.. cya.

This week, as usual, driving and parking test and also, cross country.

Basically on monday, went to take an internal driving assessment conducted by the individual DIs.. and so i went for the test and....failed, yes :(

Next, tues was parking test.. this was my worst cos i haven practised much.. when it was my turn, they changed the parking lot to left parallel parking.. i was like.. OMG!! I haven even learnt how to do it, not even practise. So wells, caught a few last min tips from my parking instructor and i tried to do it.. actually i almost succeeded..!! But.. stupid thing i hit the pole slightly so dammit.. failed! :(

Wed was cross country.. an experience of outfield driving and all.. for the whole day!! So many obstacles to go thru.. but it was fun.. esp driving the landrover up the slope.. Speeding!! So cool!! Yeah.. came back with sweat and shag-ness all written over the face..

Thurs, back to driving again and then, parking re-test for the failures.. This time i was determined to pass.. but count me lucky, cos i got a parking lot which i practised before so i was able to do it!! So lucky.. and yes, i passed finally!! :) So now, no more parking in future lo!! yeehah!

Okk.. basically wanna talk abt driving.. My driving is half-standard lah.. my DI said i can control the veh well and maintain safety, but one thing i lack is.. traffic awareness.. that requires observation.. cos sometimes i commit mistakes here and there due to traffic awareness.. damm.. i hate it lor!! Turn left, turn right.. Turn right, turn right.. makes me so confused.. and so afraid to cut into other ppl lane as well..

These few days when i drive, keep kena scolding by my DI.. he seem to become a changed person.. more heated up and angry and fierce.. like a monster. I now quite scared of him thats y everytime i drive i very stress.. must do perfect if not will sure kena scolding. :X But then, how can i not make mistakes?? Im not perfect.. i sure make mistake one.. so when i do, he will scold and scold.. very harshly.. got once he even throw something at me.. (F HIM!!) I very angry actually.. wanna scold back, but didn't.. i hate it lor.. can't he let me drive properly?? This is wad i face all the time... scoldings and scoldings non-stop!!!!

On sat, it was even worst.. tot bkout day i shud be fine but who noes, on the start, i already did some mistakes, plus, his mood was bad.. so... he really EXPLODED this time.. after he exploded, i tried to do everything nice nice and dared not make any more mistakes.. only when gg back that time.. PARKING!!! This is the worst of my worst.. i can't do the parking very nice wan.. always need time to adjust here and there.. and his presence in the car make me even more stressed and tensed.. So this was wad i did.. like usual, i reverse the veh.. until suddenly he ask me to stop.. then guess wad???

He put his face near my ear and then he shouted SUPER LOUD.. CI BAI!! inside my ear!!! FUCK HIM!!! Im not deaf okay!!! Why must scold so loud.. so fucking loud that everyone in the training shed can hear it.. fuck man!! It was my mistake la.. i forgot to check left mirror (thats my mistake all the time)... but why must he shout at my ear?? FUCK HIM LA!! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! I damn pissed off lor... but just control only... fucking embarrassed lor.. den after several tries, i still cannot make it.. then he said, he dun wan to waste his fucking time anymore so he asked me off engine and fuck off...

Nowdays, he's getting more and more heated up... i am (more and more) scared of him liaoz... but he's truly a fucker lor... scold and scold so loud.. FUCK!!!! I hate it lah!!!

Nvm, just gonna bear with it for another 2-3 more days cos TP will be on wed.. and hopefully i pass TP, then dun have to see his face anymore!!! I dun wanna see him anymore!!!! I want to pass TP asap!!!! I dun wanna see him anymoer!!!!!!!!!

Actually, to say so, he's a gd DI la.. but his methods sometimes not v gd, and his temper problem.. flare up easily.. if only he can control his temper... but he can't.. too bad..

Anyway, i'll just put up with him until TP starts... hope i do a nice one... so yeah... thats how my driving story is... everyday kena F and scoldings... thats y i fucking hate driving... i tot driving shud be fun and all?? Nvm, pass TP and i can drive however i wan also no one care.. But, i must pass TP first la.. so.... I MUST PASS TP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok la.. say so much le... on to the friends part...

Friends wise.. in my bunk, i can say no one is close to me at all... i just try to mix ard with them.. but somtimes they also not very nice to me.. when i do some wrong mistake, they will make a joke out of it and laugh.. haiz.. kinda used to being laughed at already so no big deal to me... i just wish for a better day everyday and hopefully i can get to make at least a few close frens in this course before it ends.. but currently, its hard to do so and i dun think i can find any..

Its just so sad not to have any close frens at all in the course... i rly wish to have one... haiz..

Okok.. enuf of sob stories le... gtg eat dinner already.. mum is nagging!!

Cya..!

And this wkend my civi life just got worse.. cos i got "confined", not the real confinement, its i auto-confine at home.. resting at home cos of my sicknesses.. Started since thurs night when i just bk out from camp.. tot can enjoy 1 day before gg back but who noes? Kena this stupid Fever+Cough+Flu combo! Damn.. i became a patient for that night. It became worse the next day that i had to call daddy to fetch me to the nearest hospital cos no clinics were open during PH. Therefore, i went to NUH A&E to get myself checked. After everything was done, the only thing i knew was... no mc.. wtf!! lol.. i wanted mc so can rest at hm.. bt the doc said i looked fine so she din give me mc.. damn! So i lan lan gotta bk in camp tt night. Bked in wif a heavy heart.. tt night also din slp well.. finally sat bk out and back to home as a patient all the way till now :(

Ok, so let me begin from the start...

Firstly, i finally passed my HSP on the 4th attempt!! Yes!! So happy!! As most ppl already passed on the 3rd.. so i was aiming to pass it by the 4th try.. and i rly did!! Thank God!! The boards were rather easy and tester gave a bit of chance so i cud pass.. haha.. finally!! I can "so-called forget" abt the HSP stuffs and all.. dun have to give a damn abt it anymore.. as its so stressifying to think abt them all the time.. So well, i passed! Still got a few who failed.. so im rly thankful that i passed!! :)

Secondly, my driving.. is still not very gd.. and each time i commit a mistake which i not supposed to, my DI will f me.. and i will get more panicked and commit another mistake.. one after another.. haiz.. wish i cud drive freely on the road without him nagging at me but its inevitable.. hmm.. this wk just started to drive 200 mins.. its rly very TIRING!! 100 mins already enuf for me to bear.. another 100 mins... its rly killing me!! Okays i noe im slow therefore i nd to work extra harder.. practise more.. but ppl is practice makes perfect, i is the other way round, practise too much becomes worse, until the extent my DI wanna gave up on me, he said he dun wan care anymore le.. let me "die".. fail the test.. ohhh shucks.. i guess i already blew him off this time.. wondering wad shud i do now.. hmphs.. TP is just ard the corner.. i must pass the TP in order to get the license i've long been awaiting for!! So pls!! God show some miracle so i can pass TP!!

Thirdly, Parking 3 TON is soooo not easy!! As 3 ton is bigger and longer.. harder to control too.. wells, i din have enuf practise in parking thats y.. cos everytime 200 mins driving, not enuf time to practise parking.. and the worst is, i have parking test on tues!! Gosh!! Monday sure stay back to do parking liao.. haven done any parallel yet.. must go do one on Mon and make sure i done all the parking lots and hopefully can pass the test on Tues!! Hee..

Lastly, my circle of frens in this course is still not that big and i dun really have a buddy too. I wish to have a buddy whom i can share and relate with throughout the course but it seems so impossible. Im like so outcast in my bunk.. trying to mix with them yet can't.. haiz.. blame it on my slow responsiveness.. i hate myself for being slow response.. dunno wad to talk at times.. just stare at blank wall..

Now, i still have a bit of cough and runny nose.. so irritating!! hate cough especially!! continuous cough is very painful.. there was once i kept coughing non-stop.. so terrible!! i so scared i can't stop coughing anymore.. but whew, lucky i din.

K lahs, its getting late oredi.. time to pack up and prepare for bk in... cya'll next sat.. hope to come back with gd news.. pass TP and parking!!

Alrights, sayonara~

Firstly i tot the week would be short, cos fri was a public holiday, so i tot we can bk out on thurs night (most prob) and bk in on sunday night and can enjoy a long wkend.. But, i was wrong.. SAF is so fucked up.. Sat is still a half day, so wad they did was let us off on thurs night, and bk in on fri night.. den on sat afternoon, bk out again.. and bk in back on sun night.. WTH.. Even half day also wan to count!! Its like machiam no public holiday like dat.. and btw, most of my free days were spent recuperating at home.. why? Cos of the stupid sicknesses... flu, fever, cough, sore throat and all again.. i rly hate to be sick.. Then on fri, i cud not take it anymore, so went to hospital cos of my high fever.. but damn, the doc said i looked fine and dun wanna giv me MC.. so i lan lan have to go back camp tt night.. sucks.. when i slp my forehead was burning hot!! Hate it manz.. finally ate the panadol tablets before i slp.. at least feel better..

Yeah, and now.. i feel much better, fever gone le.. BUT, the irritating runny nose and cough is still there!! Arghhh... hate it much much much!!

Oks, enuf abt sicknesses... lets talk abt the course program..

As i was saying i was so scared of failing my HSP for the 4th time again... and guess wad?? I PASSED in the 4th attempt!! Yay.. lol.. actually, i was rly nervous and scared.. and this time, i told myself, i wanna be the LAST to go in.. as most of the time i was among the first few to go, and kena "kicked out" so fast.. so this time i wanna be the "last one standing".. and yeah, i was one of the last few to go in.. and, faced with a serious looking tester... and, i was the first to be tested among 2 of us who went in..

When i saw that he straightaway ticked me for 2 boards, i told myself.. this is my chance to score.. i must not lose it!! So well, first board he took out was... the uncontrolled cross junction.. haha, that one was easy.. i done pretty well.. BUT BUT BUT.. forgot to confirm one thing.. so damn, but lucky he gave chance.. he only said if i din confirm 1 more time, he will penalise me.. :( so wells..

Next board was roundabout... haha.. easy one too... i did everything nicely and so he passed me for the board.. Last board was accident!! AHHH.. that is my main weakness... and sure enuf, he failed me cos i forgot to beware the most impt thing... ahh!! Ok nvm, 1 down..still got 2 more to go... but then.. he nv took out anymore boards, he then gave me a bonus question.. and i answered correctly.. then.. TADA!! I saw my paper got a BIG P with a circle.. means PASSED!! I PASSED!! OMG OMG.. i still can't believe it man.. i was really damn happy... walked out of the room so happily... hahahaha... just can't contain the happiness inside me.. even my theory instructor also congratulated me!! WOW... lol.. so yes, i finally passed HSP!! Which isn't very easy.. as still got a number of ppl who failed even up till now.. thank goodness i passed!!

Nex up is ... my practical... driving!! Ahhhh... thats my weak spot.. and this wk just started 200 mins driving.. which is rly very tiring!! All the way till last day which is wednesday.. i kinda committed a few mistakes and made my DI so mad, that he said he wanna gave up on me alrdy.. so he nt gonna teach me anymore.. he just let me be free... i dunno if its a gd thing or not.. but i think of coz not a gd thing cos test is just ard the corner.. so maybe i'll still have to put up with his harsh scoldings and all for 1 more wk and after i passed the test, i can no nd see him anymore.. ahh.. AJA AJA FIGHITNG!! Keep it coming!! I will hang on...

Lastly, is also my weakest link... PARKING!! Parking with a 3 TONNER is rly NOT AN EASY FEAT!!! And and, i missed out so many parking lessons due to my 200 mins driving... damn... i din do any parallel parking at all... if test come out, i sure die!! So wells.. gotta train hard and practise hard too.. but there's not enuf time... haiz.. next tues is parking test already.. i guess i'll have to stay back on mon to practise hard.. i will do it!! I will pass!!

Last but not least, 2 tests coming up next wk.. they are.. the TP (Traffic Police) which is the REAL DRIVING ASSESSMENT TEST and the PARKING TEST... these 2 tests are of equal importance.. as once i passed both of them, i'll get my military license!! So pls!! Let me pass thru this LAST 2 HURDLES!!! I wanna get that LICENSE!!! Then can show off when i go back to Gedong camp!! yeah.. haha!! OKOK.. LICENSE!!!!!!

Next up, the emotional part... recently, my fren (e one who came with me from the same unit).. let me read an sms.. it was an sms sent by his unit MSG.. so gd lor his MSG still care for him.. mine leh?? They dun even bother to send me an sms.. guess they also forget abt mi liaoz.. wadever la.. i also heck care.. i wanna change section when i go back!! Dunno can anot.. sick n tired of BX liao.. :(

The friends part... ok la, just talk a bit more and open up more but still not that close to many of them yet.. and well, gotta tolerate some of their "making fun of me" times.. i rly hate it when they make fun of me.. like sometimes i did some mistake, they will use it to play ard... haiz, rly hate it.. ok lor, just laugh it off... once they get over it, its ok...

And, i find wad my group IC (Ilmi) said is true.. i rly need a buddy, someone whom i can relate and talk to during in camp... then i can quit my slowness, blurness, and all my bad habits.. but but but, where and who wanna be my buddy?? Its not easy to find a buddy unless u can click very well with him.. In my bunk, its just me and that unit fren of mine.. whom i claim as "buddy" cos sometimes he gd to me, but sometimes not so gd.. ahhh, just gotta live with it.. i feel sometimes i also have no pride at all.. where's the manhood in me and everything?? No confidence at all... i noe i nd a buddy... but its not easy... and still, i hate my slow response too..

Ok lah.. shall end here for now.. 2 more wks in KBC before gg to MAN Truck (5 TON) and OUV... i will pass out from this course successfully and gracefully!!!

Bye for now..

Just a flashback..

The day i came into the course was 27 Apr.. and now its almost 1 mth since im in the course. So..time really flies!! Still got another 2-3 more wks before i can finally pass out (hopefully!).. as its not easy.. then RTU to Gedong again!!

Well.. so how's the 4th week of driving.. let me conclude it here..

Basically, i went to retake my Public Rd Assessment again (as i said i failed on sat) on monday.. guess wad? I failed!! :(.. nvm, retake again on Tues.. still failed!! :((.. Wed.. my FOURTH attempt.. lol.. this time finally PASSED!! Whewwww.. only left me and 1 more guy haven passed up till the 4th attempt.. so yeah both of us finally passed! But its not a gd feeling to fail 3 times consecutively of course..

Another test which i failed 3 times is my HSP test!! Arghhh!!! First and second time failed cos i wasnt very ready n tester was a tough one.. The 3rd was supposedly an easy one.. but i did a careless mistake and the 1st 2 boards he gave me was sth which i nv do before.. so.. POOM!! Failed again :(((.. Most ppl already passed by now, but i still haven.. rly feel very down n demoralised... Arghhh.. when can i pass my HSP!!!!??? Another bad thing is, when i tell my theory instructor abt my score, he wasn't shocked. He already expected me to fail, cos he said i nv practice much at all.. yes but at least i did practise only he din see.. but den he kinda not happy with me lidat.. its like i deserve to fail.. he also wun lend me a hand.. i think i just have to rely on myself to pass HSP le.. :(

OKKK.. enough abt the course curriculum... so far i haven talk much abt the inner stuffs.. so yeah..

Well, generally my bunk mates are still quite friendly n nice, except for a minority.. And also becos of my slow n blur~ many tends to see me in a negative way. :( Gossips and rumours also spread very fast like fire... some mistakes i did wrong during driving was also kena spread throughout the whole bunk n group.. make me so malu lor!! But nvm, i just let it go..

Within the course, there are still some nice ppl whom i mix ard with but still not too close to them yet..

So all in all, u can still say im a loner... perhaps i jus dun hav the ability to socialise well with ppl and get to noe them in greater depth..

Oyes, back to course curriculum... after i passed my Public assessment.. i then began to drive a 3 TONNER!! That's way bigger n harder than the landrover i was driving previously.. but well, im still learning now.. so can't say much, but actually i think its rather easy n better to drive than landrover.. hmm.. tats wad i feel.

Thats abt all.... still feeling upset abt my failing HSP... damn!!!

I dunno wad i shud do if i rly fail my HSP the 4th time... ooc?? rly dunno... but then return to gedong with nth is like so paiseh also.. i wanna return with a license at least!! Hmm.. kinda missed my gedong days... shiong but stay-out..

But this environment im in now is not totally bad... slack but stressed.. and stay-in.. haha so contradicting.. this is more on MENTAL stress.. gedong is PHYSICAL stress... both are different kinds of STRESS.. k la.. yeah, but driving rly damn stressed lor.. not easy sia.. esp need to change up/down gears while travelling on the roads.. paying attention to ur surroundings.. its rly like MULTI-TASKING!!! U do so many things in one go... so driving is rly not easy...

K bah, shud end here liao...

Oya, got a new mp3 which i bought at SLS last wk.. but damn i din charge full batt..so only very little batt left and pooom.. batt flat... :( k la, now go charge it and slp le.. bbz!

Wow.. its now the 3rd week of Driving course.. i mean its over.. gg to be 4th.. but i always update it on weekends so yup. 1 week lesser. Duh..

Ok.. so wad did i learn the past week??

Basically i went to retake my circuit driving assessment.. S-course and crank course and slope was my BIGGEST fear.. but.. i passed!! So happy!! YAY!! Lol.. actually a lot of ppl alrdy passed before me so im like one of the last few to catch up lor.. hahaa.. Yeah, but passing is a gd thing.. that means i can drive on.. PUBLIC roads!! Time to join other road users.. hee..

Yes, and so i began driving on public roads since last tues.. oh man it was a sweat!! Not easy.. defintiely not easy to drive on public.. with so many cars behind u and all... sometimes i panic then i stall engine in the middle of a traffic light turning green.. my DI did f me.. and got cars behind horn me also.. so malu lor -.-... I can only say.. its rly an "experience" to drive on public roads.. so right now i can say, i still haven conquer the fear in me to drive on public roads.. i still scared.. lo.. haiz..

Anw.. there's also another assessment.. and thats my die die biggest fear.. PARKING!! Its realy hellish!! Cos everytime during practice.. we din have much time to do.. as one person can only do like 10 mins or so.. and i always nv practice finish and successfully.. so ask me do parking test is like im so gonna fail it. True enuf, my first try i failed :(.. The 2nd try.. i passed!! So lucky.. so happy.. after i grasp the techniques from the instructors.. i tried to do it myself and POOM!! It was a lucky shot.. and and, it din HIT THE POLE!! As hitting the pole considered IMMEDIATE failure!! So yeah.. im so lucky.. when i hear the pole drop, i tot it was mine!! So scary lor... still in sweat even after i finished it.. So, there were 2 parkings to be done.. one parallel and one reverse.. i nv did parellel for more than once.. so that day was rly very lucky i cud do it.. and the reverse.. its quite easy to bang pole.. lucky i din.. whew. again.

Last assessment i took on sat was the PUBLIC ROAD assessment!! And...... i failed.. :( haha.. din mean to pass either.. but my DI was rly angry that i failed.. gave me a gd scolding.. :( Haiz... i did the best i can.. but the marking is so strict.. more than 11 demerit points consitutes a failure.. and me got 23 demerit points.. haha.. lol.. NOT EASY LOR!! Haiz.. monday will retake the test again.. but this time its at KBC.. even harder man!! Cos got slope.. Oh gosh!!

Yeah so basically the routine is always like this.. every day.. 1/2 of the time will go driving, the rest of the 1/2 will do theory.. oya.. HSP!! What is HSP?? Its Highway Situational Problems.. its a TEST!! Even much much harder than HIGHWAY CODE.. oh gosh!!! Im so scared...

SO right now, got 2 tests need to pass.. HSP and Public road assessment.. hope i can pass!!!

Thats all bah... 1 day of book out really damn sad.. nth much to do except resting at home..

Oyeah, last week got go out with Dom to Marina Bay Sands.. beautiful place!! Then this week, i just met kin yew and aim on sat night.. it was a gd day out!! :)

Ok bah... got to go now.. wanna buy mp3 player.. mine spoil.. gotta go SLS later... tata!!

Basically, i just started Circuit Driving this week and there are rly lots to learn!!

First, got to meet my DI (Driving Instructor) who is VERY EXTREMELY FIERCE!! Yes.. i can vouch for that.. but then his teaching is gd lah..

So, everytime i drive very stress.. make any mistake will kena the harsh scoldings... Firstly, i learn how to control the landrover, all the controls and so on.. then next learn how to turn.. Turning is really not easy!! U have to get the dashboard in line with the kerb when turning LEFT.. and turning RIGHT is another matter.. sometimes u have to gauge HOW MUCH to turn and WHEN to turn.. so its not very easy.. turn early.. kena scolding, turn late, also kena scolding.. but turn just nice..

Apart from that, also nd to learn how to control the gear.. and i rly hate this part.. cos everytime got to clutch in then change gear and i still not v gd at it.. and whenever u stop at the stop line, must pull handbrake and engage 1st gear.. that is sth which i always forgot.. so my DI keep reminding me by F-ing me thru and thru..

Every driving lesson with him is like HELL.. 100 mins of HELL.. F words, scoldings.. all so harsh.. to the extent i can't take it.. but i noe its gonna make me to be a stronger person and better person at driving too..

Only thing is, when i can't do things which most of my peers are doing now such as turning and so on.. properly, i get quite demoralised and wonder to myself.. Why others can do but i cannot?? Why they learn fast and i cannot learn fast?? I really feel very demoralised.. and wanted to give up driving already.. Cos, driving is not fun at all.. its so stressed.. until i got headache!! I dun feel like driving anymore...

I rly dunno how long i can keep up with driving.. my passion for driving now is only 50%.. sometimes feel like im being forced to drive..

I failed my first CD assessment... but i dun feel sad. Cos i alrdy noe i wud fail.. but maybe i still hope that i cud pass.. anyway, its ok.. i dun wanna drive at public road yet!! But, its my DI who dun wanna see me in circuit anymore.. he wan me to drive in public rd.. so he gonna PUSH ME TO THE MAX until i pass and got more confidence then can drive in public rd..

Haiz.. booking out and in is the WORST.. Bk out on SAT AFTERNOON, bk in back on SUNDAY 9pm.. machiam only 1 day liddat.. i rly have not much time left in the civilian world at all.. i just hope when im free at times, i can meet up with some of my close frens and catch up with them thats all.. afterall i just feel my time is very limited, with more than 80% of my time dedicated to ns.. left only 20% for myself and my frens..

I just hope i can make more frens thruout my time in this Driving Course.. im still working on that.. Sociliaising is a big big problem to me.. esp i can't talk very gd.. sometimes i respond too slow and got ppl quite pissed off with me... i rly hate myself.. for not talking well.. why am i born to be like this..

Haiz... going to book in soon later... nth much moe to say... just see how it goes.. if i rly cannot carry on anymore, then i will think of giving up le..

Thats all...

Buaiz.